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Dealing with friends who injure themselves?
Printer-friendly versionHi, I have a friend who I used to be very close to, and from time to time, she makes attempts to hurt herself.
Even though we're not as close as before, I'm still very worried about her. She doesn't injure herself, but she does indirectly. At school, we have plastic covers on our tables. she cuts the ends of the tables so that they are sharp and I even got scratched by those sharp edges. I then realised that she was actually hurting herself - indirectly. We wouldn't know that she was under emotional distress since she didn't directly hurt herself.
However, there was an occasion where she did hurt herself. I was really frustrated with her, I had no idea how to deal with her. She, however, misinterpreted my actions and thought I hated her. She proceeded to harm herself.
I really have no idea how to tell her to stop. I want to tell her that even if she harms herself, she can't solve her problems, but I cannot bring myself to do so, because if I did, she'd think I was insulting her directly.
You really can't tell her to stop because unless she wants to stop for herself it's likely not going to work. To stop she has to be ready to stop or she has to want to stop completely, not half-heartedly or because others want her to stop. The most you can do as a friend is let her know you're there to support her when she's feeling upset, that you're willing to listen without judgment. If you feel too frustrated or unequipped to do this then perhaps it's best to leave it to other friends because if you start telling her she has to stop and getting frustrated when she doesn't it's not likely to help.
If you feel she's a real danger to herself (suicide, severe permanent damage) then approaching an adult would be best but will most likely end the friendship.
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