Breadcrumbs:
How far to I let my husbands self-inflicated injury go before I find a hospital? With no-insurance not sure what to do?
Printer-friendly versionMy husband is a self-injurer. I have observed that alcohol plays a huge part in his self-depreciation and gets him to the point emotionally that he cuts, bangs his head against mirror's or recently out a window, and gritting his teeth so bad it sounds like they are going to fall out. He is now visiting a therapist, cut off all ties with his family, and trying to get better. However, he seems to have gotten worse. Before his cutting was small and maybe only a couple of swipes but now, he has sliced up both wrists and yesterday, took a broken glass and made slashes from one side of his chest and stomach to the other. Even though the cuts are bigger they are not deep and I always catch him after. Of course, when I walk in I freak out because I don't know how much further he is going to go. Am I going to go home and find him dead? I try to show and say and prove that I am there for him. But I am not his mother, I am not his father, I am not his siblings. They don't even call anymore because they are afraid of what he will say to them. They threw him away as a child, then again as a teenager. Do I call them and tell them to call him... and just say you F***ing love him and are sorry? Would it even help at this point? He has been abandoned so much, how do I prove that I am there to stay. We have been married 6 years, and together 5 years before that. He hid the self injury for years. In fact I didn't even suspect until about three years ago and only then it was small. He usually just drank himself into oblivion and passed out. But about four months ago, he seemed to get worse. What do I need to do as a spouse who wants to help him?
That's a tough question. Therapy could certainly make things get worse before they get better because he's talking about the issues in his life that have hurt him the most deeply. Therapy isn't an easy experience and he's talking through some serious, painful issues that wouldn't come up often outside of therapy and they're coming up on a regular basis.
Have you talked with his therapist? Has you and he ever seen his therapist together to come up with a plan on how to deal with daily life as he's dealing with all these emotional issues? I'd approach him about it because it's important to take care of *you*. He's your husband and he's going through a very difficult time but your emotional distress is important too and you shouldn't be left to deal without guidance.
Sometimes loved ones of self-injurers even do short-term therapy (or however long) for themselves to learn how to deal with their reactions because as important as he is if you're not emotionally supported in this it can trigger its own difficulties. If he doesn't want to let you borrow his therapist for a joint session make you can do a few sessions with a therapist you can see as a couple? I know without insurance this is more difficult but I think you need to be able to talk with a therapist about him and talk about how it's affecting you and how you can support one another.
You are his wife and both of you are in this together, it shouldn't become a situation where it's all him. I'm not saying that this is deliberately done by him but I know when I was ill my mother put aside family and self to support me and I know that it wasn't healthy for my family.
I'd say hospitalization if you feel he's a danger to himself. If there's suicide in the picture, permanent physical harm, or if he's no longer about to function.
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