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Is it considered "normal" to feel as though you are going inasane, due to SI?
Printer-friendly versionAn obsession with or addiction to self-injury might lead to those feelings. However, it could also be due to a mental illness or stress as self-injury itself doesn't lead to madness. Have you ever been to see a psychiatrist?
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RE:
1 year () (Permalink)Yes, I have been to see many psychiatrists. But, they have not helped me at all, mainly due to me being dishonest. Well, not really "dishonest" but more.. Withheld. I have never been able to open up to a psychiatrist, probably for fear of judgement.
Also, i have a few mental evaluations. But, those have basically came out to be normal. Aside from the mild personality disorder, and border line manic depressant. Again though, I cannot say I was fully open during those either.
I do, however, feel as though SI has become an addiction rather then a need.
Is something wrong with me?
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If you're not forthcoming
1 year () (Permalink)If you're not forthcoming with your psychiatrist it's hard to say. There definitely is something 'wrong' in the sense that you feel you're addicted to self-injury and addictions are serious in the sense you're using self-injury as a crutch for every day living instead of dealing with your issues. They can also be serious in regards to physical harm.
Now, if you're asking me if something is wrong as in you're out of touch with reality or 'crazy' I'd say likely not or at least not the point you don't have some sort of insight into things (such as not being open with your psychiatrist).
Psychiatrists aren't there to judge and while there is the chance he/she will there is also a chance they will be able to more accurately diagnose you and see if you do indeed have bipolar disorder (which was commonly known as manic depression once upon a time) or some form of personality disorder. There are treatments out there and unless you put yourself on the line you're not going to get anywhere in treatment. I'd say if you do have bipolar try to find out sooner than later because I've heard that it gets worse as you get older and treating it sooner can only be good.
If your psychiatrist is unprofessional and uses your words against you in a way that doesn't respect you as a person find a new one. Depending on where you live you should have some choices.
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Well, I went to 3
1 year () (Permalink)Well, I went to 3 different psychiatrists through a program called Devroux and I was only borderline bipolar. But, what I do remember them telling me is that I am the most self-aware child that they have ever seen in their program. I don't really feel as though i'm going "crazy" but more like.. Losing track of reality? I honestly don't know how to word it properly. It's like, i'm letting sadness take over or something. Like, I'm mainly living in the moment, not letting myself feel happy. And, I guess that makes me feel mildly insane. A friend that I have been talking to for a few years about SI (she has overcome it.) said that she also felt the same way. So, i'm guessing that it might be common to let yourself live in the moment of depression. But, like i said. I am not sure what i am to consider normal.
what I am trying to achieve by posting this, would be to get advice.. on how to maybe stop living in that moment, and maybe see the world from a gerneral point of veiw. Preferably without seeking medical attention.
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I live mostly in the moment,
1 year () (Permalink)I live mostly in the moment, as well, though with much less of a completely negative focus. Good or bad, I'm in the moment. To the point where I'll tell people the last months have been good if I feel good right then, or horrible if I feel horrible right then. Doesn't actually matter what went on.
I think to stop seeing things in such black and white terms ('I'm feeling this so this is how things are') you need to stop and really assess whether or not things really have been so shit that there's no happiness or if it's just a feeling that has you in its grasp and just yesterday you had a good laugh or a good anything. I found once I stopped being so in love with being miserable (just me, definitely not true that everybody else is in love with it) or at least so comfortable with feeling shit that there's no point in trying for something better... well, things fell into place on the depression/feelings front, without therapist/psychiatrist intervention at that time since I'd dropped out of therapy for a couple years. Not to say I'm never depressed or never self-injure... but I really never feel depression is what makes up my life anymore and, even in a big moment of depression, I know that there are good days in the past and that there will be more good days in the future.
If you feel depressed and you think 'wow, I've been depressed forever' or 'there's no end to this depression' try to add up good moments in the past that refute this. I'm not talking moments of overwhelming joy since you might be hard pressed to remember but even moments where you felt comfortable in your own skin, where you enjoyed a movie, had a good conversation with someone. Little things, big things, just bits of life. Use facts to refute the bullshit all or nothing thing that living in the moment dreams up because, a lot of the time, when you're feeling overwhelmingly anything and have that mindframe your memories of feelings can fail you.
I'm not sure how much I can help since I have no formal training but I feel you on some of the things you said. Learning how to assess and stop being all or nothing doesn't happen overnight.
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Thank you.
1 year () (Permalink)You have been more help then you probably think you have. Sometimes, it's amazing to vent to someone, and not have the need to keep it bottled up all the time.. And, i think it is way easier to talk to a stranger. So, thank you again Gabrielle, you are really good with advice, and talking to people. You have talent.
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RE:
1 year () (Permalink)Yes, I have been to see many psychiatrists. But, so far none of them have helped any. I've had a few mental evaluations, but they all just come out "basically" normal. I mean, when I got the second eval. they said that i had a mild personality disorder, and am border-line manic depressant. But that was it. The reason, i believe that the psychiatrists didn't help is because I could never really open up and talk to them. I'd lie a lot. Pretending everything was okay. Also, in the evaluations, I wasn't completely honest either. But, I didn't lie.. I more "hid" stuff. But, I do feel as though my SI has become more of an obsession, then a need.
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