I feel like I will never be able to stop hurting myself. I feel so un normal. People ask questions about the scars on my wrists, and evven make fun of me. Im sick of this. I want to go back to the time when I didnt have these urges to hurt, or anything like that. Please help me figure out how i can become myself again. I dont want to be controlled by this disorder anymore.
thanks for listening
Well, usually before the behavior -- which is what self-injury is -- can stop there needs to be some work on what's underneath. The reasons behind your acts of self-injury are important. Are you depressed? Anxious? Angry? Dissociated? Have you ever been abused emotionally, psychologically, physically, and/or sexually? Have you ever been physically assaulted, sexually harassed, bullied, and/or raped? Been through something traumatic other than this that has affected you?
That's usually why counselling or therapy is often encouraged for those wanting to stop. Doesn't even have to be talk therapy. It can be something like cognitive behavioral where you look at your thought patterns and the stuff going on in your head that you're not even consciously aware of so you can sort of train your brain. Sometimes medication is necessary depending on if you have a mental illness (self-injury isn't a guarantee you do) and if a psychiatrist feels it's necessary for you to be put on medication.
To stop, you have to deep down want to stop and be willing to be uncomfortable (be 'triggered' without the relief of self-injury or any other self-destructive behaviors).
Do you have trusted people you can talk to if you're unable or not ready to go to therapy? Try to put together a support network if you can. When you feel like self-injuring and can't calm yourself down through distractions you can approach the people who know you self-injure and are willing to help talk with you about why you want to self-injure and how to get through the next few hours.
If you have nobody tell yourself, 'If I still feel like self-injuring in two hours/twelve hours/twenty-four hours I'm allowed to do it.' Then try your distractions and working on it, journalling about why you want to, etc. Once the time is up see if you can set up more time in which you're 'allowed' to do it. That way you're not outright forbidding yourself from self-injuring (which I've found makes me more anxious to actually do it) and giving yourself some time where you're safe and some of those times you'll be feeling better by the time the timeframe is up.
There's a list of distractions under 'Information & Recovery'.