In Their Own Words:
"These days I do and it pisses me off. I need the pain afterwards, but the pain during disrupts me. I still do it, because I have to. Back when I started years ago I didn't feel pain. I knew it was there, but it didn't seem to matter. The cuts would then start to hurt about half an hour later, and get worse during the day. I don't know if that was dissociating. The main thing I remember was that each time I looked at the blade while I was cutting, I couldn't see it because my sight became blurry. When I looked at something else it was ok. I had no control over that, but I really didn't care."
"Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. Either way it's a good feeling. The times when it hasn't hurt, it was because I was so tense or upset that I didn't really notice when the razor cut through.
"Definitely no. I don't feel anymore. The only pain that's in me is the death of my father."
"Sometimes I can feel the razor, but there are times when I don't know how deep I've cut. When I'm throwing up, I never feel the pain, like when I hit my throat with my nails."
"I try not to feel it. It's a game to me not to flinch and to keep my breathing steady. It's like control and power. I felt the hanger- because I'm terrified of burning pain. So I had to do it again and again until I could hold it in my arm without flinching."
"I feel the emotional pain leave, and a numbed feeling, both physically and emotionally as the emotional pain leaves."
"I do feel some pain, and it's not like the pain you get if you bang your head [,] etc - it's different and in a weird way it feels rewarding."
"I do usually feel some pain, although it is generally more intense afterwards, almost like something was dulling the pain during the experience."
"It's strange, because sometimes it can take me up to an hour to actually cut, just because I get so hesitant. It's like I'm so afraid of the pain, but when I finally do it, there's no pain at all. A lot of times, I try to increase my threshold of pain (especially with the burning)."
"Yeah, I feel pain, but that's the whole reason I do it. The pain feels good and is a sign that I've succeeded."
"No, its weird how if I get a cut then it hurts differently, as in more, than when I cut myself. If I ever feel any pain-ish sensation its more like a satisfactory feeling."
"Yeah i feel it. I always feel the pain unless i'm so angry that i lose control. But most of the time i feel it. A few times i have dissociated and not fully felt it, but i always come back within a minute. I dissociate a lot in other situations, though."
"I feel a slight sting but that is it. I think i am dissociated because if i cut myself accidentally it hurts a lot...and and the cuts are usually smaller than the ones i do through SI. The cuts start to hurt afterwards [about an hour or two], but during i feel nothing except calm."
"Yes, I feel pain. I think that is the only reason I do not really injure myself so bad that I need medical help. I WANT to cut deeper but I'm afraid."
"I almost always dissociate. I hardly feel anything, let alone pain, I stop being able to see the razor, or safety pin, or whatever. I stop breathing. My hearing goes out, everything sounds fuzzy. The only pain I feel is afterwards, and even then, it doesn't seem like its attached to me."
"It depends on how intense I'm feeling. Sometimes I will be so "out of it" that I can do virtually any kind of harm to myself and I wont feel it, and other times I will be upset and feel the need to cut, but can't make more than scratches because of the pain and anxiety. When I don't bleed as much as I need to to feel "normal" again, I get extremely frustrated and feel even more helpless than before. It's the single most worst feeling."
"Sometimes I feel it, but I have learned to look at it in a different way. I have taught my body to think that what I am feeling is not pain but something else, an incredible wonderful good feeling... it works."
[female, age 24, began to SI at age 16 1/2]
"Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. Either way it's a good feeling. The times when it hasn't hurt, it was because I was so tense or upset that I didn't really notice when the razor cut through.
[female, age 16, began to SI at age 15]
"Definitely no. I don't feel anymore. The only pain that's in me is the death of my father."
[female, age 14, began to SI at age 12]
"Sometimes I can feel the razor, but there are times when I don't know how deep I've cut. When I'm throwing up, I never feel the pain, like when I hit my throat with my nails."
[female, age 15, began to SI at age 12]
"I try not to feel it. It's a game to me not to flinch and to keep my breathing steady. It's like control and power. I felt the hanger- because I'm terrified of burning pain. So I had to do it again and again until I could hold it in my arm without flinching."
[female, age 24, began to SI at age 14]
"I feel the emotional pain leave, and a numbed feeling, both physically and emotionally as the emotional pain leaves."
[male, age 18, began to SI at age 15]
"I do feel some pain, and it's not like the pain you get if you bang your head [,] etc - it's different and in a weird way it feels rewarding."
[female, age 16]
"I do usually feel some pain, although it is generally more intense afterwards, almost like something was dulling the pain during the experience."
[female, age 23, began to SI in 6th grade]
"It's strange, because sometimes it can take me up to an hour to actually cut, just because I get so hesitant. It's like I'm so afraid of the pain, but when I finally do it, there's no pain at all. A lot of times, I try to increase my threshold of pain (especially with the burning)."
[female, age 18, began to SI at age 12]
"Yeah, I feel pain, but that's the whole reason I do it. The pain feels good and is a sign that I've succeeded."
[female, age 21, began to SI at age 13]
"No, its weird how if I get a cut then it hurts differently, as in more, than when I cut myself. If I ever feel any pain-ish sensation its more like a satisfactory feeling."
[female, age 18, began to SI at age 16]
"Yeah i feel it. I always feel the pain unless i'm so angry that i lose control. But most of the time i feel it. A few times i have dissociated and not fully felt it, but i always come back within a minute. I dissociate a lot in other situations, though."
[female, age 19, began to SI at age 17]
"I feel a slight sting but that is it. I think i am dissociated because if i cut myself accidentally it hurts a lot...and and the cuts are usually smaller than the ones i do through SI. The cuts start to hurt afterwards [about an hour or two], but during i feel nothing except calm."
[female, age 16, began to SI at age 15]
"Yes, I feel pain. I think that is the only reason I do not really injure myself so bad that I need medical help. I WANT to cut deeper but I'm afraid."
[female, age 38, began to SI at age 37]
"I almost always dissociate. I hardly feel anything, let alone pain, I stop being able to see the razor, or safety pin, or whatever. I stop breathing. My hearing goes out, everything sounds fuzzy. The only pain I feel is afterwards, and even then, it doesn't seem like its attached to me."
[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12-13]
"It depends on how intense I'm feeling. Sometimes I will be so "out of it" that I can do virtually any kind of harm to myself and I wont feel it, and other times I will be upset and feel the need to cut, but can't make more than scratches because of the pain and anxiety. When I don't bleed as much as I need to to feel "normal" again, I get extremely frustrated and feel even more helpless than before. It's the single most worst feeling."
[female, age 17, began to SI at age 13]
"Sometimes I feel it, but I have learned to look at it in a different way. I have taught my body to think that what I am feeling is not pain but something else, an incredible wonderful good feeling... it works."
[female, age 16, began to SI at age 5 or 6]
I feel an initial instant of pain when I burn, but then there's nothing. There used to be pain after the fact, but it just stopped one day. I rub at the burns once I've given them a day or two to heal up for the most part, but even that doesn't really hurt anymore. I know that pulling my hair never really hurts, and I remember scratching/scraping as hurting for the first few seconds, then fading until after I was done and putting on the bandages.[female, age 19, began to SI at age 16 at the latest, college student (full time)]
It feels, not exactly painful, but I do realise what I am doing. Sometimes it feels good, almost like scratching something that itches. Most of the pain comes a after a while.[female, age 19, began to SI at age 18, University student]
When I first started SIB I felt pain but it didn't hurt. Some of my cuts were very deep. I'm not sure if I could have done this if it had really hurt. I have always been aware of what I am doing, but I just feel emotionally numb when I am cutting. Nowadays the sensation of pain is much greater, so I can't cut so deeply.[male, age 32, began to SI at age 28, Security]
Do I feel pain?
That is a complicated question to answer…It depends on the method(s) I am using... with starvation I don't feel "pain" ... not exactly, but with the majority of other acts I engage in if I do not experience a considerable amount of pain I do not experience a large enough fix either...
When the pain hits hard I know the release will soon too.[female, age 16, began to SI at age 6, College Student]
I do feel pain, and I generally don't feel satisfied until I've either felt sufficient pain or have produced enough blood. I've not been cutting for very long, and it took many tries before I was able to break the skin. Since then, I notice that each time, it seems to take more to satisfy me, and it also gets a little easier to push harder, to cut deeper. I have a tendency toward the excessive in whatever I do, so I frequently don't do just one deep cut. The very first time I ever cut, I made about eight slashmarks on the side of my thigh, which remain the most prominent scars I have. The more pain I feel, as horrifying as this is, the more proud of myself I feel.[female, age 20, began to SI at age 13 or so (cutting very recent), College student]
It depends on the occassion. Sometimes, it hurts like hell. Other times, i just space out and watch it happen. It's interesting how i use the word "happen." Like it's something happening to me, that i can't control, not something i'm responsible for.[female, age 16, began to SI at age 9, high school student]
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