"Sometimes. I lay out all my "tools" -- the blade, the stuff I need to clean and bandage, etc. But I don't really consider that a ritual, it just makes sense to me-- otherwise I make a mess when I'm looking for things and bleeding all over the place. I don't live alone, so I can't afford that."



"Not really. I listen to music sometimes. I usually go to bed after I've finished cutting because I almost always do it late at night."



"Before I go to bed or take a bath or when I change clothes I look all over my body looking for something to hurt. This process usually takes many hours."



"I lock my bedroom door, get out my "cutting kit" which consists of all first-aid wraps, a tourniquet, razors, broken glass, a knife, two towels- one to wipe with and one to bleed on. The one I wipe with so I can see through the blood to keep cutting I wet first. I sit by my phone and in front of a mirror so I can watch myself. I find a spot amongst all my scars on my right arm (left-handed) and slap it on there!"



"Least amount of food for two weeks, throw it all up the next week. Never cut the right arm because that's the one I use to cut myself an if I hurt myself I couldn't do it."



"In my room. Razors. Like to listen to Danzig. Watch it bleed until it is running down arm and off hand onto a towel. Wrap up in a towel. Let it dry. Wash it off. Go on with my day or go to sleep and watch it bleed into a towel beside me.



"Yeah, when I was in school, I'd take a pass to go to the bathroom, go to a special stall, cut, clean, flush the toilet, then go back to class like nothing happened."



"Not really. I like to do it at night, when my b-friend is not here. I like to do it by candle light, I don't know why, I guess the light helps me feel calm."



"I always use an x-acto, listen to depressing music, sometimes with candles and incense. I usually do it at the end of the day when my stuff is all done and I'm ready for some "me" time."



"Only that I usually have to run the blade across my skin like, five billion times before I actually cut. I think that frustrates me too- not being able to just do it and get it over with."



"Everything[,] razors and dressings are all laid out in front of me and then I just work my way through until I've finished. I always do it at night and with a bright light on so that I can see what I've done to myself."



"Not really. but i have to use alcohol before i can cut (most of the time- if i'm desperate i'll do it anyway but not with a dirty needle -that's what i use now instead of a knife. I used to use a knife but i accidentally stabbed myself with it and now i'm scared. It's not really a needle- its one of those pins that diabetics use to prick their finger for a blood test). Sometimes, if i really want it to hurt i'll use it after i cut, so it'll burn more. But that's about it. I get out the alcohol, paper towel or toilet paper, and whatever else i feel i'll need to clean it and treat it when i'm done, and then i sit down and do it. I have to be sitting down unless i'm cutting my stomach. and i can't be somewhere that i might get caught by someone i know or someone whose opinion i care about."



"Yes. Well I did, anyway. I'd take the disposable razors and chip off the plastic with some scissors, then take the blade and find a spot on my arm (or wherever I wanted to cut)that I would decide needed a scar..and slice it across either slowly or fast depending on my mood. Then after, I'd do it again..then finding more spots..well then I'd lick up the blood..wrap it in something..and the next day, depending on how I feel I might put something on it so it heals..but normally not. and now i don't have anything like that."



"I used to cut myself outside, in a secluded area, or in a room lit by candles. My favorite thing now is to be cut by someone else, but that doesn't always work out. I usually do it wherever's convenient and where I wont be interrupted."



"Yes. I always use matches. I have not self-injured before because i couldn't find any. I always burn the match and then blow it out and try to time when it will be the perfect "heat". I always burn myself on the same wrist and I have an ongoing pattern. I have made new patterns, burning in between old scars. I recently did it and burned on top of an old scar because I felt the untouched skin surrounding what I have was... out of the right area."

I don't know if it's a ritual, really, but I wipe off whatever I'm going to use to brand myself (bobby pins, usually) before I use them. I make sure that I have bandages and anti-septic burn treatment cream (whatever the brand is called), and I make sure that I wash and treat the wounds once I'm done. I may SI, but I'm not so stupid as to invite infections.

[female, age 19, began to SI at age 16 at the latest, college student (full time)]

Actually I just concentrate on pain, but the surroundings are important as well, as long as they make me concentrate better. Rather dark, but enough light to see the blood, like candlelight. Sometimes long white clothes being darkened with blood. Just everything to make the whole thing more impressive.

[female, age 18, began to think of SI at age 6 and can't remember when she began to SI, high school student]

i will have a very hot shower, just a tiny bit hotter than i think i would be able to tolerate. then i sit in the tub of the shower with all the scalding little droplets hitting and when it feels right, i use whatever i brought in with me to cut. i'll usually sit there for a long while afterwards, watching the blood wash away and not moving. just kind of stretching out the moment.

[female, age 18, began to SI at age 12, university student]

Not really, but it is usually the same. I live in a student corridor, so I have my own room and bathroom but share a kitchen with 7 others. I go from my computer, or the floor if that's where I'm sitting, get up, go to the bathroom, open the cabinet, get my razor (sometimes I still use scissors though) sit down on the toilet if I'm going to do it on my legs, roll up my pants and cut for a while. Sometimes I do it on my shoulders or other places, but often the legs. I usually try to find a rather clean, healed spot. But there have been occations where I've been at other places, once I was at my mum's place, she yelled a lot at me and I started crying and ran off to cut. Then I thought more like "Look what you've made me do!", I sort of wanted her to see and feel bad about it. But I've never let her know.

[female, age 19, began to SI at age 18, University student]

Umm, I can't say that I do. I have a habit of counting and "maintaining" and keeping track of all my scars in a book, but I'm not sure if that counts as a ritual. I pretty much just SI whenever I feel that I need to.

[female, age 18, began to SI at age 16, Art Student]

Usually I will take the time to clean the area where I wish to cut. I'll go to my room or the bathroom, somewhere private, and sit down comfortably. I'll take a moment to organize what it is I'm feeling and what it is specifically I'm cutting about, then I cut with purpose.

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 13, high school student]

-Frowns- When I began using implements and weapons I would dislike having to use anything other than my "favourite" objects, but that left when the cravings became more intense and often... I stopped caring about what I used as long as I did something.

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 6, College Student]

The exacto that I use is in a general toolbox under my bed. I only really cut on my thighs (because I never really where miniskirts or shorts or anything, plus it's my least favorite part of the body... punishing the ugliness, perhaps?) and very occasionally my arms, very strategically. I always make sure I'm wearing dark-colored sweatpants so that blood won't show. Before my cuts become white scars, like when they're still red and scabbed over, I have a tendency to constantly check on them and, as horrible as this sounds, admire my work.

[female, age 20, began to SI at age 13 or so (cutting very recent), College student]

Yes. If I feel the need to self-injure, I first find a solitary place that I can lock. (e.g. my room, bathroom stall...) After locking myself in, I take out my razorblade that I keep in a small makeup container that I keep that the back of my makeup drawer. I take it out, pull up my sleeves or skirt, and cut. Afterwards I watch until theres enough blood, and then I blot it dry of blood. Then in order to feel as much pain as possible, I rub perfume or hairspray or some other strong, stinging liquid, into the fresh wounds. Then I cover the wounds with my clothes and go on with my life, or lay down.

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 11, High School student]

I go back in my room and have a seat on the floor, usually propped up against my bed or the door. I have a little tupperware box that I keep everything in that the cover never fits right on (I got it from the dollar store). There's some stuff in there that I never look at, but chances are, I'll pull out the steak knife, the isopropyl alcohol, the roll of toilet paper (I know its crass, but its absorbent and affordable), the elastic bandage, and perhaps the most important part of the kit - a bottle of the perfume I used to wear in high school. When I smell it, it reminds me of the absolute worst and very best moments that I had in those four years - and the more emotional I feel (whatever emotion it is), the better I feel when I SI. After I get everything together, I put on some music (Nine Inch Nails and Elliott Smith are usually the best) and cut, making sure to keep the bleeding under control. I use a lot of alcohol to keep the cuts clean. But as soon as I start, it's different every time. At that point, there is no ritual, I just do what feels right.

[female, age 20, began to SI at age 15, college student]

I used to ice wherever i was going to cut. Like, before i did it, i'd numb it all up, so the blood felt really warm and nice. Sometimes i use the blood to draw pictures, or i'll smear it on my face. I don't know why i do this.

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 9, high school student]

Someone I trusted with my life told a room full of my family once while I was standing there, that I cut. I was in shock and horrified.I denied it as if someone just said "pass the sugar". I thought the best reaction would be the one of reverse accusation...i.e..Yeah, that's me I do that. Whatever. I mean if you really did that and someone just told a room full of people wouldn't you be mad? Wouldn't you have a strong reaction? Storm out? Yell? Hit someone? Probally. So I did the opposite. I just made a passing look and acted a little confused as to why the said that and the passed it off as being hardly important to me.

I think since then I have started rituals to seem less obvious. I will distance myself from people when I start to feel the urge...it may be two days or the day before. So if they don't see me they won't think much of it. I will lie far more prior to it setting up a way that I could get scratches. So when I have one I hope everyone assumes it was from what I was working on. I always hide when I do it and I wear bandaids now....I never use to. I guess that's a long explanation..so here it is simple.

I lie ALOT

I hide it

I conceal it with make-up or bandaids

I make up excuses in my spare time

[female, age 30, began to SI at age 16 or younger, mom of 5 and artist]

I used to keep all of the razors I had ever used, all of the tissues and bandaids. I chant one sentence in my head over and over, "you never listened. I was just a little girl, but you never listened." Even if I'm not thinking about it, I realize I chant it.

[female, age 22, began to SI at age 15, college]

I hide my razors in my room so my mother and my friends don't see them. If for some reason I don't have a razor hidden, I take one out of my bathroom and break the safety plastic part off with a pair of scissors. I sit on my bed and extend my left arm, which is usually the one I start with. I cut it five or six times, either with a quick slicing motion or by pressing the blade into my skin and slowly dragging it. After each cut, I blot the blood with a tissue and apply pressure to stop the bleeding. I do the same to my right arm. When I'm done, I go to my bathroom, wash my arm, and occasionally apply an anti-bacterial cream so the cuts don't get infected. If I have to be around people, I put on a long-sleeved shirt.

[female, age 20, began to SI at age 7]

When I'm in a helpless, out-of-control state like I described before, I start feeling better the moment I decide to cut. It's like, "Oh! Right!" And it gives me something to DO. Getting everything set up is part of my process. I go and get all of the things I need to cut and to hide it, and bring them to my room, and lock the door. I close the windows, and turn the music on low volume, so I can hear if anyone comes to the door and get rid of everything fast. I have my blade, bandages, toilet paper to clean the blood, and lately I've been using scar-minimizing disinfectant, because the scars are becoming a bit of a social problem. I cut, and then watch myself bleed for a while, making sure to mop up all the blood. When that cut stops bleeding, I cut again, and do the same. (Lather, rinse, repeat.) Then I bandage my cuts, destroy the evidence, and hope to God that no one finds out.

[female, age 26, began to SI at around age 13, high school]

the whole thing is very ritualistic. it usually takes place at night, and the rest of the house is asleep, and quiet. i am alone with my thoughts.the music is playing, the bandaids are within reach, i am holding a razor on the floor of my bathroom smoking a cigarette, holding the blade. the stage is set, but i am hesitant. i am considering taking this last chance to back out before i have given myself yet another scar. i dont cut in the same place twice. i look over my body, and try to find the right spot on my arm. i take a piece of tape, and i wrap it around the back of my forarm, stretching the skin. it makes it easier, and the cut is deeper. i hold the blade between my finger and thumb, i press down, lightly at first, then with increasing force, until i feel a slight tingle. then i silde it downward. blood does not come at the first instant. but when it comes, it comes fast, and profusely. i remove the tape. i use the razor to spread it over my arm. maybe draw a picture with it. always happy pictures. like hearts, smiley faces and the occational dasie. i drown myself in the music, and my activities. maybe i make a few more cuts, but usually one is sufficient. some time passes, and i decide that i have had enough. i rince the still bleeding woond(s), and the newly crusted pictures and they wash away leaving a trail of red behind them. i apply some neosporin generously overtop, to ward off infection, and i put on a few kid's dinosaur bandaids, which reminds me how juvanile this whole affair is. im never there while this is going on. i am an outsider, wondering why she is doing this to herself. by the end of this, i am shaken, but greatly relieved. i need another cigarette. i turn off the music, and it's quiet. i am mentally and physically exhausted.

[female, age 17, began to SI at age 14, high school student]