A darkly compelling story, this memoir examines one woman's secret overwhelming desire to physically hurt herself. Any casual observer of Victoria's life would not have seen that this confident, pretty, and articulate young woman was intensely struggling with the all-encompassing need to injure her body. This powerful account chronicles her stresses and insecurities, as well as the mental anguish that led to her wanting to physically turn on herself. Frequently an unspoken and unacknowledged disease, this psychological ailment affects an often hidden population; Victoria's story explores both the disease and the forces that drive it.
Less than a year after her mother's death from cancer, recent college grad Kraus packs up and moves from St. Louis to San Francisco, eager to begin an independent life. Working at a Palo Alto bookstore, she meets Jane, another employee who becomes her friend, temporary lover, constant companion and, ultimately, "worst enemy." In her first book, Kraus skillfully delineates the arc of her relationship with Jane, which initially brings love and happiness to the author, who's been grieving and looking for an emotional anchor in her mother's absence. Attractive, charismatic Jane, a few years older than Kraus, listens to her, calls her "Honey" and gives her an "endorphin rush" in the wake of "exclusive attention." Kraus soon learns that Jane cuts herself with razor blades, sucks her thumb and claims to have been sexually molested as a child, yet Kraus remains loyal. When a roommate tells Kraus she thinks Jane has "a strange power over you," Kraus can't see the problem. Read more »
Texas teacher Vega's horrific account of her lifetime of self-abuse alternates between an intimate diary of pain and a healing dialogue with her counselor. In piecemeal details of her years growing up the eldest daughter of an ambitious, well-educated disciplinarian father and an efficient caretaker mother, Vega portrays herself as a child so eager to please her exacting parents that she began to punish herself for her perceived (by them, but mainly by herself) shortcomings. She would hit herself until she passed out, and cut or starve herself to cause a punishing pain that allowed a release to anger and frustration she was not allowed to express. Her mother's diabetes, her parents' divorce and abandonment by her father led to mounds of guilt, and Vega's abuse of diet pills put her in the emergency room. By the time she seeks therapy she is in her mid-30s, married and no longer able to control her increasingly dire self-mutilation. Her work is cleanly wrought and raw with emotion, especially the passages that take place during group therapy with several other deeply troubled women. Read more »
This is a paean to self-acceptance and self-esteem. Initially, though, first-time author Tyler—famous as a reality-TV star, a plus-size model, and a daughter of Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler—sketches a life fraught with addictions to drugs, cutting, and eating disorders. Fortunately, she gains valuable insight into her destructive patterns to re-create herself as a healthy, loving adult. For teens and twenty-somethings who can identify with Tyler's struggle.
"Cutting it Out" is a largely autobiographical account of a young woman's battle with self-harm. Carolyn's story documents her own challenging journey, offering unique insights into her feelings about self-harming and also her attitudes towards the therapy sessions commonly employed to help people who self-harm. It explores the complex nature of her relationship with the therapist, her initial resistance to recovery and her eventual progression towards self-knowledge and taking responsibility for her own actions. The first-person narrative offers a vividly honest voice to the feelings and compulsions that drive someone to harm themselves and explores the conflict between the desire to self-harm and the struggle to control and overcome this addictive, self-destructive behaviour. This timely book breaks the silence surrounding a difficult subject. It will provide valuable insights for therapists, counsellors, people who self-harm and their families and friends.
When she was 17, Siana wrote a series of letters to punk rocker Ogre, the front man of the '80s band Skinny Puppy. The letters speak of depression and cutting, drug abuse and sex, music and poetry. At one concert, Ogre told her that he saved all her letters and one day would return them. True to his word, two boxes arrived at her door nine years later; inside were illustrated letters and journals filled with her most intimate thoughts and fears. Like most cutters, those who injure themselves as a physical manifestation of their inner pain, Siana felt powerless as her life spun out of control. Rereading the letters years later, she realized that expressing herself through this way had saved her life. The letters share what it's like to grow up weird and how one girl could rise above her background. Almost every page of the book is filled with heartbreaking artwork and photos, which brilliantly link the journal entries and letters together, allowing readers to get a look inside the mind of a very creative but disturbed young woman. Read more »
Hornbacher, who detailed her struggle with bulimia and anorexia in Wasted, now shares the story of her lifelong battle with mental illness, finally diagnosed as rapid cycling type 1 bipolar disorder. Even as a toddler, Hornbacher couldn't sleep at night and jabbered endlessly, trying to talk her parents into going outside to play in the dark. Other schoolchildren called her crazy. When she was just 10, she discovered alcohol was a good mood stabilizer; by age 14, she was trading sex for pills. In her late teens, her eating disorder landed her in the hospital, followed by another body obsession, cutting. An alcoholic by this point, she was alternating between mania and depression, with frequent hospitalizations. Her doctor explained that not only did the alcohol block her medications, it was up to her to control her mental illness, which would always be with her. This truth didn't sink in for a long, long time, but when it did, she had a chance for a life outside her local hospital's psychiatric unit. Hornbacher ends on a cautiously optimistic note—she knows she'll never lead a normal life, but maybe she could live with the life she does have. Read more »
In 2006 Russell Brand exploded onto the international comedy scene. He has been named Time Out’s Comedian of the Year, Best Newcomer at the British Comedy Awards, and Most Stylish Man at GQ’s Men. His UK stand-up tour was sold out and his BBC Radio 6 show became a cult phenomenon, the second most popular podcast of the year. Before the fame, however, Russell’s life was anything but glamorous. His father left when he was three months old, he was bulimic at age 12 and he began drinking heavily and taking drugs by age 16. He regularly visited prostitutes in Soho, began cutting himself, took drugs on stage during his stand-up shows, and even set himself on fire while on crack cocaine. In 2003 Russell was told that he would be in prison, a mental hospital, or dead within six months unless he went into rehab. He has now been clean for three years, and hasn’t looked back since. This is Russell’s amazing story.
Gina struggled with what would appear to be normal teenage problems with a twist! Gina always took the hard path and the road less traveled. She cut herself in order to heal, and she searched for a love that she craved. Battling extreme demons, she learned later in life that not only was this an abnormal way to cope, but she was also struggling with something much worse. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, she sought help on and off. Damaging almost every relationship that she came in contact with and being in denial made it almost impossible for her to maintain a normal life. She later accepted her illnesses and began to vigorously treat her addictions to pain and the mental quandaries that plagued her mind.
