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My hand is inches from the toilet--inches from water no doubt laced with the remains of freshman vomit and urine--two small pills resting on my skin, tipped at an angle. They could slide or stay in the palm of my hand. An instant's decision.

 

I haven't decided yet

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I always hated when my scars started to fade, because as long as I could still see them, I knew why I was hurting.

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Shooting, jumping off a high building, hanging, none of these options suited her feminine nature. Women, when they kill themselves, choose far more romantic methods - like slashing their wrists or taking an overdose of sleeping pills. Abandoned princesses and Hollywood actresses have provided numerous examples of this.

Veronika knew life was always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act.
And so it proved.

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I took my mother's knife and played johnny johnny johnny on the playhouse floor [[She has her hand spread on the floor and is stabbing a knife between her fingers as fast as possible]].  I was drunk, stabbed myself every few throws.  I held my hand up and there was satisfaction at seeing my blood, the way there was when I saw the red gouges onmy face that people stared at and turned away.  They were thinking I was beautiful, but they were wrong, now they could see how ugly and mutilated I was.

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-- The last paragraph of chapter 13. --

"I walked past her and took the first of the Vicodins, scooping water from the faucet.  I went down to my room without saying a word, closed the door, and lay on my bed.  In a perverse way, I was glad for the stitches, glad it would show, that there would be scars.  What was the point in just being hurt on the inside?  I thought of the girl with the scar tattoos at the Crenshaw group home.  She was right, it should bloody well show."

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