#1 Fan
Yo this is what happened:
Yo I woke up late it was like 10 in the mornin'
I was still half asleep and sleepy eyed, still yawnin'
I checked my voice mail to see who'd been callin'
I turned on my computer
check my email logged on it
Junk mail, junk mail dog-gone-it
Everybody just tryin to sell me they product
But there was one email that just caught my optic
It said sucidal, took the mouse and clicked on it
She said "Dear KJ you don't know who I am,
You probably don't care cause im just another fan.
I doubt you ever read this, now but if ya can
Sometimes I slash my wrists and even cut my hands
And I feel all alone like nobody understands
And I'm gonna end it tonight I got the whole thing planned
Pop pills, leave a note on my night stand
Signed sincerely, Your Number 1 fanCan someone now please help me
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
Will someone now just please help me
Can someone now please...
A Body Treatise
Succulent beautiful and fine
I`m touching my body; I`m feeling my mind
With plastic knives and plastic spoons and other types of cutlery
Take what signifies
And make it leave this room
My sweet desire that wants to bloom
Held captive - our culture molds, our bodies bold
Held captive - target the role we have no control
Passionate tastful and free
I mutilate myself to make me real
A heart beating in the wrong kind of chest
Of hair and sweat a manly mess
Take what signifies
And make it leave this room
My sweet desire that wants to bloom
Held captive - our culture molds, our bodies bold
Held captive - target the role we have no control
I cut myself up to make it real
I cut myself up cause thats the way I feel
I cut myself up to be free
I cut myself up to be meSubmitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — GabrielleDisc #:1Track #:5
A Book of Love Stories
The homemade scars on my arms
Are slowly fading just as
Your fingernails are setting in to begin a new chapter
So sink in as deep as you can
And I will do the same
We can share one sensationIgnore the fluorescent riddles
In your eyelids and surrender
It is something that I never intended to riskYour skin is a canvas for my heart to paint
So let go
And if we're careful not to breathe
We'll hear nothing and see everything we are feeling
In each other's eyes
We can share one sensationIgnore the fluorescent riddles
In your eyelids and surrender
It is something that I never intended to riskWithout devotion all words turn to scratch
Without devotion all wounds turn to scabsUnity is letting nothing be predetermined
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
Unity is letting us be ourselves
Unity is letting each page write itself
Our book came to be unannounced
Our book of days...
A Few Small Bruises
Out here on the ledge
I'm not far away from stepping off
I finally picked out my cloud
It's the one over there
Surrounded by all that air
You reached out your hand
and said 'I understand'
So why not come downWell except for a few small bruises
cuts and scars, well I'm fine
Or except for a few small bruises
cuts and scars, well I'm fineThank you for asking
I'm so glad we had this moment here
I know they think I'm crazy
But everything I am is everything that was taught to me
and you reached out your hand
and said "I understand"So why not come down?
Oh except for a few small bruises,
cuts, and scars, well I'm fine
Oh except for a few small bruises,
cuts, and scars, well I'm fineAnd as you read my words out loud
Make me sound genius
Make me sound special
and Maybe I'll come downWell except for a few small bruises...
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
Angela Baker and my Obsession with Fire
I won't forget the day that, that I came to
And I started thinking that there's more
Than just perfect prom queens and silver spoons
And all I ever wanted was someone to
knock me back to the bliss of ignorance
'Cause I feel like running head first into traffic.And so I'm here to say
That thoughts in bed with pain.I won't forget the day that, that I found God
In a kitchen knife now and on my arm
So paint the pale white floor with, with my red life
And tell myself this pain is the pain I love
As I swallow the pills of happiness
And you watch me fall like New York in an earthquakeAnd so I'm here to say
That thoughts in bed with pain.I stand outside my pretty house
I light a match to start the fire
I call the cops to let 'em know
It's 22 Walthery Ave.I thought I wanted this.
I thought I wanted this.(I'm here to say)
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
I said I wanted some...
Angels with Dirty Faces
I need this to get me through
can't resist, don't want to
believe it I know it's true
can't beat it, don't want to tryA perfect hell!
It's more to me than you ever will know
down here where the rest of us fell
waste away nothing left to show
while I'm in this perfect hellobsession has begun
possessed by destruction
how did I get so low
believe me no one knows
sometimes I can't hold on
and no one can help menow it's got a hold of me
I don't think I can make it through this
now it's got a hold of me
the less I do the more it makes no senseI'm walking pollution who's drained by delusions
on the verge of destruction I cave in to abduction
thin blood I'm bleeding my pulse won't stop racing
just as my heart explodesno chance that I could win
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
too hard to not give in
I just don't feel the same
cause I'm the one to blame...
Another Night
Last night I found the answers
At the bottom of my drink
Surrounded by all the on-goings
Of the hapless and the meek
And when I can't feel no more
My answers take me to the door
With self-inflicted wounds
A lifetime spent here-to-fore
Holding knives in the hopes of cutting some moreAnother night another line broken
Another lie in the air amidst us
Another night another lie goes on unendingLast night on my way home
They were calling me out on the streets
Rubbing salt in the wounds I'd left
From the fisticuffs with me
And when I can't feel no more
My anger take me to the door
With hate down in my veins
A lifetime spent here-to-fore
A lonely soul in decay and in search for the end.Another night another line broken
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
Another lie in the air amidst us
Another night another lie goes on unending
Another night another line broken
Another...
Are You Dead Yet?
Don't hear, don't deem. Drown in before you dive.
Don't care, commit to your self destruction drive.
I kiss the ground with love beyond forever
Flip off the sky with bleeding fingers till I dieCHORUS: Enemy, take a one good look at me.
Eradicate what you'll always be
Your tainted flesh, polluted soul through a mirror I behold.
Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart but I don't care anymore.
Should I regret or ask myself ARE YOU DEAD YET?Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth,
The fiction you live in blindfold your eyes.
Disclosure, self loathing. This time you've gone too far.
Or could it be, my nemesis that you are me?CHORUS: Enemy, take a one good look at me.
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
Eradicate what you'll always be
Your tainted flesh, polluted soul through a mirror I behold.
Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor
Tearing me apart but I don't care anymore.
...
Bad Habit
biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandumand you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happyand sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beatingand you might say it's self-destructive...
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
Beautiful Red
beautiful red blood is leaving my veins
running out of my hands
dripping on the floor
I'm bleeding and it feels good
like my release finally arrived
beautiful red is surrounding me
no threats, no fears, just free at lastbeautiful red blood is fading to black
no I cannot see, I'm losing my life
beautiful red is all I can see
suffocating, I cannot breath
falling, I cannot stand
no regrets, facing my deathbeautiful red
dripping downdrip drip, losing my beautiful red
just a body dripping to death, just a soul, finding it's way
no regrets, I'll see my friends againbeautiful red blood is what I've seen
pain in my life is what I've felt
hate for stupid is what I've shown
I lived my life and now I'm gonebeautiful red
Submitted on Saturday, April 4, 2009 - 21:07 — Gabrielle
dripping down
