Articles: In the Cut
By Kara Jesella
June/July 2004, p. 144-147
Her real name isn't Mandy Barquin, but that's what she calls herself on the web site. It's a cyber bulletin board dedicated to a topic that, in the offline world, gets lip service at best. "Cutting and depression, please help!" her post pleads. "i'm seventeen years old and my friend has recently taken up cutting."
Mandy's friend is a straight-A student. And so is Mandy. "I was number one in my class," she says. On paper, her life sounds, if not sitcom-perfect, at least above average. "We aren't bad off," she adds. "we don't have family problems." But last year, "I was dating my ex-boyfriend and felt really stressed, and I was like, I dont know. I'd just gotten a job where I didn't like my boss- I still dont like my boss, " she giggles. "All the stress combined. I felt like alittle ant. Like I was all alone." So she began cutting her legs. "That's really obvious, especially in Florida, where you wear shorts." She had to come up with a litany of excuses for the etchings on her calves. "I said I got them in the bushes running after my little brother. Or that i fell on the picnic table at school." Eventually, Mandy began slicing her arm, which , she points out, "you can hide"... When she got homd from summer school, where she was taking extra credit classes, shw would go into the bathroom and carve into herself with a pocketknife. The ritual calmed her, temporarily took her mind off her other problems. She didn't even mind the blood.
In her book A Bright Red Scream (Penguin), journalist Marliee Strong calls cutting "the addiction of the nineties." But in 2004, the gory habit shows no sign of abating, especially among adolescent girls. And it isn't just pierced-and-tattooed goths or other self-identified outcasts who are employing shards of glass, penknives, scissors--anything sharp--to turn their ulterior emotional pain into something undeniably physical. "Cutters are often very sensitive, very creative," says Strong. "They are often perfectionists, people who put high demands on themselves." ... Of course not eeryone fits the profile. For some girls, cutting is a short-lived experiment. "Like with drugs, some kids will try it to see what all the fuss is about," says Wendy Lader, clinical director of the S.A.F.E Alternatives program near Chicago Or, like Mandy (who stopped cutting when school started again), they hurt themselves temporarily to try to cope with a particularly stressful period in their life. Though cutters who run web sites devoted to this form of self-injury often liken occasional cutting to amateur hour, Lader think it needs to be taken seriously. "People ask me, Who are the real self-injurers and who are the fake ones?" she says. "I say I dont' believe there is a fake self-injurer. If someone needs attention that badly, they have a problem. They don't feel like they're being seen or heard."
On the face of it, Jennifer, a nineteen-year-old sophomore at a college in Westchester County, New York, has the opposite problem. She imagines that everyone is constantly checking her out. "Walking into a room where there's a lot of people, i get really nervous, " she says. "I feel like time stops and everybody is loking at me, scrutinizing me." It's hard to blame her for feeling like Big Brother is watching. We live in a world where unflattering pictures secretly snapped by a phone cam can end up on the web in minutes; where, thanks to reality TV, your next-door neighbor could end up on the cover of US Weekly; or where a fight with your best friend could result in the revelation of your deepest, darkest secrets on her blog.
With so much pressure always to appear a certain way--or else--its not surprising that jennifer has, as she says, "social anxiety issues;" So you would think she'd blow off a Friday night party on campus to watch HBO in her dorm room. Or maybe she'd do the contrary: Become extra vigilant about her weight; dress up in all the right clothes; spend hours plucking and primping in front of the mirror. Most unusually appearance conscious people do one of two things: They hide from the glare of the spotlight or they accommodate it. But like Mandy, Jennifer took her discomfort in her skin literally, and so she did someting else: She cut it. .. "I couldn't handle emotions," she says. "And it was like a form of release. I didn't want to die. I just wanted release from the pain."... " my friends talk a lot about self-mutilation because of their anxiety. They feel self-conscious, like everyone is watching them," says karen, who befriended Jennifer after noticing scars on her wrists that looked like Karen's own. But if girls feel like everyone is watcing them, they don't sense that anyone is really seeing them, according to Lader. Cutters are trying to fill in the blanks and margins, to communicate more about themselves than they think blown-out blonde hair or a pair of Seven Jeans can. It's a way of attracting attention -- "I think self-injurers believe they need to spice up the cover of the book so that someone might read it," says Lader--even if that attention is ulimately negative.
And it may be easier than ever to cut yourself in this culture of casual cosmetic operations. The bloody slice-and-sews performed on TV shows like I Want a Famous Face, Extreme Makeover, and Nip/Tuck have turned plastic surgery into a spectator sport, numbing many of us to the sight of cutting is related to the painful, panic-ridden rituals women endure for the sake of beauty. Plucking, waxing, exfoliating--they're all attempts to make our bodies submit to ideas of what they should look like. But according to Kaplan, instead of ceding to a pair of tweezers or a grainy scrub in the hope that they'll help her appear pretty and feminine, a girl who cuts is doing just the opposite.
Strong thinks the constant barrage of pretty, perfect images -- on MTV, in fashion megazines -- are partly to blame for girls uneasy relationships with their evolving bodies. And the more girls disassociate from their physical selves, the more likely it is that they will find ways to physically hurt themselves. In fact, many girls who cut themselves are also anorexic or bulimic. "Eating disorders and cutting serve similar purposes," says Strong, adding that many girls struggle with both. "For people who experience self-hatred or alienation from their bodies, they are attempts to control the body, to punish the body." About 50 percent of cutters are victims of sexual abuse and may have never learned to accept their physicality. "Puberty is a disturbing time, " says strong. "Girls feel like the sexualization of their bodies increases their vulnerability to abuse." But with therapy , there is a way out. "Cutting is an attempt to communicate," says Lader. The key is to try to put the emotions into words -- not to distract yourself from them with pain.
Torn Apart
IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU OR A FRIEND IS CUTTING HERSELF. HERE'S WHAT WENDY LADER, CLINICAL DIRECTOR OF S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES, SUGGESTS:
*TALK TO AN ADULT
What do you do if a friend tells you she cuts herself? "I get a lot of e-mails from friends who are supposed to keep this secret. But I don't think it's a secret any friend should keep," says Lader. "If you're afraid to tell your friend's parents, that's okay. Tell a teacher or a guidance counselor who can help intervene."
*THERAPY MAKES A MAJOR DIFFERENCE
"Anyone who self-injures needs at least an assessment by a professional," says Lader. She recommends finding a therapist with expertise in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
*DON'T RELY EXCLUSIVELY ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS
Many people who cut themselves are also clinically depressed. Some therapists favor medication, but Lader doesn't think antidepressants are all that helpful. If you're taking medication and you're still injuring yourself, consider talk therapy."
*BYPASS THE INTERNET
This is one of the few times that the World Wide Web isn't your friend. The people who run cutting Web sites often "think just talking about self-injury is part of the cure," says Lader. "But I think it does a lot of damage." Call (800) DONT-CUT to request information on cutting, including treatment options.
Her real name isn't Mandy Barquin, but that's what she calls herself on the web site. It's a cyber bulletin board dedicated to a topic that, in the offline world, gets lip service at best. "Cutting and depression, please help!" her post pleads. "i'm seventeen years old and my friend has recently taken up cutting."
Mandy's friend is a straight-A student. And so is Mandy. "I was number one in my class," she says. On paper, her life sounds, if not sitcom-perfect, at least above average. "We aren't bad off," she adds. "we don't have family problems." But last year, "I was dating my ex-boyfriend and felt really stressed, and I was like, I dont know. I'd just gotten a job where I didn't like my boss- I still dont like my boss, " she giggles. "All the stress combined. I felt like alittle ant. Like I was all alone." So she began cutting her legs. "That's really obvious, especially in Florida, where you wear shorts." She had to come up with a litany of excuses for the etchings on her calves. "I said I got them in the bushes running after my little brother. Or that i fell on the picnic table at school." Eventually, Mandy began slicing her arm, which , she points out, "you can hide"... When she got homd from summer school, where she was taking extra credit classes, shw would go into the bathroom and carve into herself with a pocketknife. The ritual calmed her, temporarily took her mind off her other problems. She didn't even mind the blood.
In her book A Bright Red Scream (Penguin), journalist Marliee Strong calls cutting "the addiction of the nineties." But in 2004, the gory habit shows no sign of abating, especially among adolescent girls. And it isn't just pierced-and-tattooed goths or other self-identified outcasts who are employing shards of glass, penknives, scissors--anything sharp--to turn their ulterior emotional pain into something undeniably physical. "Cutters are often very sensitive, very creative," says Strong. "They are often perfectionists, people who put high demands on themselves." ... Of course not eeryone fits the profile. For some girls, cutting is a short-lived experiment. "Like with drugs, some kids will try it to see what all the fuss is about," says Wendy Lader, clinical director of the S.A.F.E Alternatives program near Chicago Or, like Mandy (who stopped cutting when school started again), they hurt themselves temporarily to try to cope with a particularly stressful period in their life. Though cutters who run web sites devoted to this form of self-injury often liken occasional cutting to amateur hour, Lader think it needs to be taken seriously. "People ask me, Who are the real self-injurers and who are the fake ones?" she says. "I say I dont' believe there is a fake self-injurer. If someone needs attention that badly, they have a problem. They don't feel like they're being seen or heard."
On the face of it, Jennifer, a nineteen-year-old sophomore at a college in Westchester County, New York, has the opposite problem. She imagines that everyone is constantly checking her out. "Walking into a room where there's a lot of people, i get really nervous, " she says. "I feel like time stops and everybody is loking at me, scrutinizing me." It's hard to blame her for feeling like Big Brother is watching. We live in a world where unflattering pictures secretly snapped by a phone cam can end up on the web in minutes; where, thanks to reality TV, your next-door neighbor could end up on the cover of US Weekly; or where a fight with your best friend could result in the revelation of your deepest, darkest secrets on her blog.
With so much pressure always to appear a certain way--or else--its not surprising that jennifer has, as she says, "social anxiety issues;" So you would think she'd blow off a Friday night party on campus to watch HBO in her dorm room. Or maybe she'd do the contrary: Become extra vigilant about her weight; dress up in all the right clothes; spend hours plucking and primping in front of the mirror. Most unusually appearance conscious people do one of two things: They hide from the glare of the spotlight or they accommodate it. But like Mandy, Jennifer took her discomfort in her skin literally, and so she did someting else: She cut it. .. "I couldn't handle emotions," she says. "And it was like a form of release. I didn't want to die. I just wanted release from the pain."... " my friends talk a lot about self-mutilation because of their anxiety. They feel self-conscious, like everyone is watching them," says karen, who befriended Jennifer after noticing scars on her wrists that looked like Karen's own. But if girls feel like everyone is watcing them, they don't sense that anyone is really seeing them, according to Lader. Cutters are trying to fill in the blanks and margins, to communicate more about themselves than they think blown-out blonde hair or a pair of Seven Jeans can. It's a way of attracting attention -- "I think self-injurers believe they need to spice up the cover of the book so that someone might read it," says Lader--even if that attention is ulimately negative.
And it may be easier than ever to cut yourself in this culture of casual cosmetic operations. The bloody slice-and-sews performed on TV shows like I Want a Famous Face, Extreme Makeover, and Nip/Tuck have turned plastic surgery into a spectator sport, numbing many of us to the sight of cutting is related to the painful, panic-ridden rituals women endure for the sake of beauty. Plucking, waxing, exfoliating--they're all attempts to make our bodies submit to ideas of what they should look like. But according to Kaplan, instead of ceding to a pair of tweezers or a grainy scrub in the hope that they'll help her appear pretty and feminine, a girl who cuts is doing just the opposite.
Strong thinks the constant barrage of pretty, perfect images -- on MTV, in fashion megazines -- are partly to blame for girls uneasy relationships with their evolving bodies. And the more girls disassociate from their physical selves, the more likely it is that they will find ways to physically hurt themselves. In fact, many girls who cut themselves are also anorexic or bulimic. "Eating disorders and cutting serve similar purposes," says Strong, adding that many girls struggle with both. "For people who experience self-hatred or alienation from their bodies, they are attempts to control the body, to punish the body." About 50 percent of cutters are victims of sexual abuse and may have never learned to accept their physicality. "Puberty is a disturbing time, " says strong. "Girls feel like the sexualization of their bodies increases their vulnerability to abuse." But with therapy , there is a way out. "Cutting is an attempt to communicate," says Lader. The key is to try to put the emotions into words -- not to distract yourself from them with pain.
Torn Apart
IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU OR A FRIEND IS CUTTING HERSELF. HERE'S WHAT WENDY LADER, CLINICAL DIRECTOR OF S.A.F.E. ALTERNATIVES, SUGGESTS:
*TALK TO AN ADULT
What do you do if a friend tells you she cuts herself? "I get a lot of e-mails from friends who are supposed to keep this secret. But I don't think it's a secret any friend should keep," says Lader. "If you're afraid to tell your friend's parents, that's okay. Tell a teacher or a guidance counselor who can help intervene."
*THERAPY MAKES A MAJOR DIFFERENCE
"Anyone who self-injures needs at least an assessment by a professional," says Lader. She recommends finding a therapist with expertise in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
*DON'T RELY EXCLUSIVELY ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS
Many people who cut themselves are also clinically depressed. Some therapists favor medication, but Lader doesn't think antidepressants are all that helpful. If you're taking medication and you're still injuring yourself, consider talk therapy."
*BYPASS THE INTERNET
This is one of the few times that the World Wide Web isn't your friend. The people who run cutting Web sites often "think just talking about self-injury is part of the cure," says Lader. "But I think it does a lot of damage." Call (800) DONT-CUT to request information on cutting, including treatment options.
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