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God how i miss you....

I know it been almost a year since you gone but you are one of the many things i think about.
I remember how you would light up my day with a smile, and just one hug from you made everything feel ok.
You were alawys the one to make me laugh, make me feel better about meself, you helped me get through cutting, and i can never tell you how much that maent to me.

But...now i can't your gone and i never got to tell you how much you meant to me. How you brought back something to me that i tought was lost forever...my happiness. I remember how you would hold me wishpering in my ear "...Stop crying poor child for i am here to dry them away..." You were always there for me....but were was i for you?

When i heard you died my heart stop dead right then. I couldn't brethe. I thought it couldn't be ture.
I went home that night to my bed crying into the teddy bear you gave me for my brithday. It still smells of your room. axe deodorant and amber. That's when i swore to myself i would never cut again. For you. Because you helped me and it tore you apart knowing i did. So i stoped.

Then they told me you killed yourself. That was more heart breaking then anything. I knew you were sad but not that sad it would bring you do this. For days i wondered why you did it, then realize what you were trying to say to me the last night we met. You said You lost so much and have little family here, that you were moving to live with your aunt. That the death of your sister and mother was to much. I never gave it much thought but now i do. If only i remembered your aunt died of a car crash i could've stopped you.

But now your gone...

And i'm here alone only thinking of the what if's. I know its was wrong of me to say "I hate you" when you left but now i take it all back. Everything. I miss you so much. I just wished you could've see me grow and get better. But i will never forget the time i spent with you. You well always be number one at the top of my friends list.

I miss you and love you even more gage.

I hope you can see me cause i'm smiling right now.

For you :)

Forever and always,
RooRoo