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I wish I had the chance to call you dad, but you took your own life while I was still in the womb. I never had a shot at laughing with you, hugging you, or even talking to you. Some days I understand why you started the car and closed the doors, but I can never help but wonder why. What was so awful and dreadful in your life that it was not worth waking up everyday? You left your son, wife, and future daughter. It pains me to say these things out loud. Despite the fact that I'll never meet you, I still love you and I can't stay mad at you for the choice you made. Some nights I believe you're watching over me, like a guardian angel. But then I realize that if I had a guardian angel, they would do a better job at making me happy. You've hurt me so much, but I need to accept that I can't see you. Ever. Rest in peace, father-who-could've-been.