I still consider myself a recovering SI'er. I try to explain it to my husband and he understands it to a point. There are still times That I am afraid that I will have a major relapse. I can say that the thoughts are always there when I am angry, sad, or upset. I so not handle alot of stress well. In 2008 I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. For many years I have suffered silently through years of abuse and the worse the abuse the worse the SI became. I have been hospitalized 4 times in a behavioral hospital over the years and lost custody battles for my children. I have overdosed 3x on prescription pills. I didn't realize then that not only was I hurting myself I was also hurting my children in the process. It wasn't healthy for them to see me at my worst, they are young and they know that something is wrong with me and nowdays my daughter still asks God to be with me and make me better because I am sick, she says (She is 11 now). I stopped SI'ing because of my children because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them behind if I had accidentally cut too deep.

Nowdays I have picked up several hobbies that allow me to express my emotions in many differnet ways. I have picked up dance classes, and I often draw how I feel at the moment. Sometimes my bright red scream is shown in my drawings. But Everyday my husband helps just by reminding me that I am a beautiful woman and a wonderful person to be around. With him I am accepted and not judged and that is something not even my own family can provide me. There is hope, you just have to believe that you can change if you really want it.