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Do I Ever Want To Stop...?

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With as many times as I have asked myself this question, you'd think I'd have a sure answer by now. I don't. I'm not sure if I want to stop self harming. What am I supposed to do when I stop? How will I get those feelings back, the feelings of release, without harming? What else is there? But on the other hand, I know that I am destroying my arm, hips, stomach, and legs. I know that it is not good for me. I know that I will have these embarrassing scars forever, and I know that I will always be making up excuses for cuts, scars, and burns. I don't like the questions, but I love the pain. I don't like the scars, but I love the cuts. What to do when you find yourself ripped in half by your own devices?

In Their Own Words Information
Person: 
[female, age 16, began to SI at age 8, high school student]
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CallMeWinter For Self-Injurers - In Their Own Words published by 1 year ago ()

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Liz Liz

Yes

1 year () (Permalink)

I cut myself for the first time back in September (2010) and since then I have thought about doing it over and over. I have done it a total of four times, and three of the times were this month. (the 1st, the 13th, and the 20th of Jan '11) I have been trying to keep my mind off of it but every once in a while it gets this bad. I have been wanting to reach out to a teacher of mine, but I am scared to. I'm eighteen and a senior in high school...but I don't know if I want to tell her because I'm scared she might tell my parents, which I don't want. I am trying so hard to stop, because I don't want to have scars everywhere. I don't do it on my wrists for that reason. But I guess maybe in the future I might be able to help a daughter or son and let them know that I've gone through the same thing :) 

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masksofsmiles

Well...

1 year () (Permalink)

I have, repeatedly. Mostly to stop driving 'friends' away....
But everytime I try.... I just get sucked back in. I never can find someone to help me... Or even say they give a crap. Joy.

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