YES because later, im too embarrassed to wear a tank top in the summer. and now i have a daughter who deserves a better mother than what i had.
NO because without it, what do i have to help me thats effective on that level? nothing. without it i have nothing to get a break from "everything", and beyond that, i just simply love it. it sounds sick, but after i si i feel like i am a little kid again, wrapped in a big puffy blanket, right out of the dryer, right after walking in from a blizzard. nothing else can comfort me on a level like si.
well in a way yes i do want to stop because i know its not good but its really hard to do that when you have people that instead of help you judge you or if you have a very troubled past like i do its also hard to stop but yeah i've SI for 7 years now
Yes, but it's not as easy as it sounds. I've been cutting on and off for the past ten years. I don't know what has triggered my recent relapse, but I have come to the conclusion that if I don't stop this behavior I will end up in a really bad place by irreparably injuring myself. The most recent injury was deeper than expected and it really scared me because it hadn't been my intention to cause that much harm to myself. This showed me that things can get out of hand quickly. I did it in the heat of the moment and dissociated myself somewhere in the middle of it occuring. Since I don't have a ritual that goes along with this behavior it's harder to kick this addiction. All I know is that I need to stop and I need to find the right kind of help because none of the therapists I've seen in the last ten years have really addressed the problem.
The answer to this question is no. I really don't mean to seem arrogant, but I don't see anything wrong with it. The only reason it hurts other people when they find out is because they don't understand why you do it. They just see it as you hurting yourself, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as a way of relief. I don't hurt myself, i cut myself. I do this because I get overwhelmed with emotion, i panic, i'm frustrated, i can't stand feeling certain ways. I guess I do this because I want to have control in my life. I don't think of myself as a depressed person, I am not depressed all the time, but when certain emotions hit, I can't handle them. Why would I sit and suffer because I obsess over these emotions? Why would I want to drag these feelings on? I just want the feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness, and helplessness to go away. Cutting does this for me. It instantly makes me feel so much better. The first minute after I cut and I see the blood is like a high. Why would I want that to go away?
Eventually. I am currently working hard in a Christ centered recovery program called Celebrate Recovery to help give up my addiction. I have been in this program for a year and a half and have yet to be fully ready to give up my best friend (Self Injury). I believe that as I learn to face my demons I will eventually be ready to face my self injury head on and be able to say goodbye forever.
