Fri, 2009-04-03 23:34 — GabriellePrinter-friendly version
I ripped out huge chunks of my hair in front of my high school marching band during practice. They knew it was stress, but they thought I overreacted -- they didn't realize it was the only way to cope. I've burnt myself in front of a couple of friends, too. They thought nothing of it, as I'm slightly masochistic, but I wasn't doing it for pleasure. I was stressed, and I didn't want to ruin everyone's day, so I just burnt myself. The only time I've come close to being 'caught' is when my mom saw one of my more recent burns the other day. She asked what it was, and I just jerked away and said I had no idea. Fortunately for me I was PMSing, and the whole family knew, so she didn't press it any further. I've also hurt myself in front of a friend who also SIs.
Comments
in Church
Once my best friend (who is also a cutter) and I cut while we were in church. The sermon was kinda boring and we both carry razors in the back of our cell phones. It's not like it was real deep or bloody, we just drew a few little things because we were bored.
No, i could never ever do it
No, i could never ever do it in front of anyone.
i have lots of times been in a room with someone when i have wanted to self harm in which case i snuck out and did it somewhere private.
kindda
i have a few times. i used to carry razorblades to school and when i got stressed i ran to the bathroom and cut my wrist a few times. then my best friend came to check up on my and saw my wrist and stomach dripping blood. i'm sorry i caused her pain but not sorry i did it if that makes sense at all.
They know...they just don't care
I've only been caught a few times. The first time my sister saw the cuts on my lower leg she told my mom,
I told her it was a shaving accident and she bought it. The second time was when my mom saw the cuts on my wrist, I told her some BS about how the cat did it, and she was like yeah right and she gave me this look like "yeah I know you did it" The only other time was when my brother saw the cuts on my leg and a weird brusie on my arm (I had hit my self with a really hevay wrench so it sort of left a square shaped bruise, I'm a freak I know..) anyway he went and told my mom and they came back and were all like grinning like they were about to get a really big show. Bottom line I didn't explain, just said it was another accident. They all tease me about it now making dumb jokes and my brother says I did it for attention. They all think its a joke
but it really doesn't matter. I sort of hit my self a bunch a while back but I've only been cutting for a few monthes now, and even those cuts are like just scratches - they hardly bleed at all.
I'm 17 going on 18 with no friends, no job, and no future. I am suicidal at times, but I know know one cares and anyway, I'm to old to be such a mess. I don't think my cutting is like all the other peoples on here, I don't think I have a problem, could some one with maybe more knowledge in the area tell me..
I'm fine right? I'm not like these other people? theres nothing wrong with me right?
I don't have a problem....... right?
...hey...if they dont care
...hey...if they dont care it's fine. U r the one to care for yourself! And you say tha you r too old to be such a mess....bullshit...18years is nothing.I am 25 and i realize how baby i was just 10years ago. Life is just starting now. Anyway...when i was reading what u wrote i just so much wished u were in front of me so i can tell u stuff....anyway...it's all on u and i believe u know whats right, it takes courage to admit the truth...this answers your last questions i think. wish u luck
never.
I cover everything up far too well to be caught- I can't risk it. Sometimes I wish someone would notice, to see if they would care, but I know it would be a domino effect and everyone would blow it out of proportion. Only one friend knows I have cut in the last year, and she has no idea how much I do..
Once.
I was hanging out with my girlfriend and we got into a huge fight. She knew I was a cutter, but didn't think I would ever do it in front of her, After the fight she sat in a chair in the corner of my bedroom. I opened my jewelry box, where I hid my razor, and pressed the tiny piece of metal to my wrist and cut a single straight line. She looked over at me with tears in her eyes and asked me to put it away. I did and said I was sorry, feeling worse than I did before. We didn't talk about it for the rest of the night. We recently were talking because we were having problems and she told me she was afraid to break up with me because she thought I would try to kill myself. Then she said that she can't get the picture of me cutting myself in front of her out of her head. I feel so bad about it, and I'm never going to harm myself infront of anyone again.
i have.
it was actually at my schools winter dance. the dance was nothing special -- a million sixth graders, pocketfulls of seventh graders, &barely eny eighth graders. infact, my friends &i were the only eighth graders there. since we're in middle school, our dance was held directly after school for two hours. i'd been having a horrible day.. i'd just found out that my best friend had got a girlfriend, &i've had feelings for him [my best friend] since april of last year. &the entire time we were at the dance, i saw how close they were. it destroied me. i actually had a razor with me [pathetic, i know] so i got it &carved a broken heart on my upper left arm. i had it hidden pretty well; it pretty much belnded in with the others on my arm. then, one of my friends saw it.. &my best friend saw it.. &i just felt like everyone was dissapointed with me. that was the night i realized that, no matter what i do, i cannot do anything right, or make anyone happy.
unfortunaly
a couple days ago i had a breakdown and i began cutting my leg in my bathroom. my boyfriend was in the livingroom and thought it was suspious that i was in the bathroom for so long. after i got done with my cutting, i went to my room, he inspected the bathroom and saw the bloody tissue and blade that i threw in the trash can and confronted me about it. it was the first time he had ever seen me do that and i kept it hidden it from him for years. he freaked out at first, was confused, didnt know how to react. then he got angry at me for doing it and started treating me like i was some kind of crazy person. he got rid of sharp objects and stood up all night with me to make sure i didnt do it again. after i explained to him the reason why i did it i think he understood a little bit more, but i think he is still kinda freaked out about it.
only once
once, someone i cared about very much. he knew i needed to, there was no way around it, i was too stressed, too close to having to feel the pain my razor held at bay. he begged me to stop but i couldnt because he wouldnt leave and i needed to do badly. so i had to cut in front of him.
♥ Alice
Hi
When he first found out you cut what was his reaction? I ask this becuse my best friend and some one I love very much saw the red marks on my leg the day after i had cut. He pulled me aside and almost in tears asked my why I was cutting my self. I told him I just needed to. He made me promise to him that I will never cut my self again. I have not sience but that does not mean I do not think about it everyday. Do you think it is helthy to stop hurting your self for someone else or do you think i need to stop because i want to? I thought you could help me answer and understand this because of your situation. Here is my e-mail Samie2012@msn.com I really hope you reply. Thank you.
I was in the same boat he got
I was in the same boat he got so angry.
Sadly Yes
I would Self Injure myself a lot come to think of it in public... It seemed so easy to me... I always wore long sleeves ... One time i was in English class sitting in the front row and I just had a safety pin under my sleeve and as I was looking up at the teacher I added a few cuts... Right in front of her face under the desk... No one noticed a thing... I regret that... It was stupid of me... I did several things like that... In school hall ways I'd dig my nails into myself and no one noticed... I'd even cut with a razor in front of my friends and all they said was next time I should vut a little more up my thigh (I had cut to low to wear shorts or a skirt without revealing my secret)
~ Even Though No One is Looking She is Falling Apart ~
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