Overwhelming Happiness!

Before i SI, I feel an overwhelming urge to do it. It doesn't go away, until I go through with it. Which I don't mind aat all, it is always fun.

During, i listen to my favorite music and sing along and have fun, slice, slice, slicing away. I am overjoyed and happy! I mainly cut my left arm. It is covered in scars, I think they are beautiful, each one representing a happy moment in life, reminding me of my best friend (We Started Cutting Together).

Afterwards, I feel calm and sleepy. i always go to sleep after I SI, mainly because I do it late at night whenever everyone is asleep and I don't have to worry about anyone interupting me. Never hard to get to sleep, oddly enough. Even though I feel my arm throbbing, I go to sleep peacfully and my mind refreshed.

I Love You Kristie! <3

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 17, began to SI at age 14, graduate]

Thu, 2010-07-08 00:08 — Sydney697

Before, During, After

I cut myself, usually on my arms. Before I cut myself I feel anxious and tense, not because that's what triggers it, but because I fear for one day I will be found out. As I watch the blood spill over I feel better, I forget my fears of being found out and anything I feeling before spills out of my body with the blood. After I am done I feel much better and sometimes the fear of being found out returns.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 18, began to SI at age 14, high school student]

Mon, 2010-05-17 19:57 — Anonymous

How Do You Feel Before, During, And After You Self-Injure?

Before doing S.I. i feel sad or so angry, depending the reason, it can be a fight, or maybe just thinking about stuff that happens.

When I'm doing it, that emotion (or emotions) are more stronger, since I just think about it. Sometimes the emotions calm down, and that's when I can't bare the pain.

After I do it, I feel sometimes a little bad when the reason is just so stupid. The other ones I feel relaxed. I feel calm down. But just thinking to heal it or hide it.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 18, began to SI near age 11]

Fri, 2010-05-07 00:06 — Nagizuma

[female, age 14, began to SI at 10, jr. high student]

Before:

I feel the need to cut...it gnaws at me and destroys me from the inside out.  I end up pacing and biting my lip, digging my fingernails into any soft area of skin. Finally I give in...

During:

I feel a flood of relief as the blade digs deep into my skin.  The sight of my own blood comforts me in a way I never thought imaginable.  I wince slightly at the pain, but mostly feel relieved. 

After:

Generally I regret the new cut on my body that will soon scar over and remind me of my past, just like all the others.  I do feel better about whatever made me cut in the first place, but I regret the cut itself. 

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 14, began to SI at 10, Jr. high student]

Sat, 2010-04-03 15:52 — BrokenDreams

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12, high school student]

Before, I feel overwhelmed. I've been cutting for 4 years and now I feel out of control when I want to cut. I used to control it, now it controls me. I kind of obsess my thoughts of it unintentionally. I feel a need to do it because I don't know any other way to get releif from what ever is making me feel this way. I get "antsy" then when I finally get a chance I get excited in a way and sometimes anxiety comes with it. During, I feel happy for the moment. I like what I see and feel. My vision seems to only see what I'm doing and my hearing seems to go completely away for the time. After, I feel releif and glad with what I've done. Depending on the place on my body I feel scared that people will see and I kind of panic. Either way I feel releif and like tension has been released.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12, high school student]

Tue, 2010-03-30 11:24 — Anonymous

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 14]

Before I just feel like I need to, and I usually don't understand why, it's just like an addiction, and I need it to feel better...\nDuring, I just concentrate on the act, and letting out the pain. Sometimes I feel angry at people or myself or things that happened during the day.\nAfter, I feel comforted, and then I feel ashamed, mainly because I know my best friend (the only one that knows) will be mad at me when she finds out.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 14]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 26, began to SI at age 14]

Before I feel out-of-control, hopeless, overwhelmed and as if I am drowning in myself which at the time equals pain. Right before i do it though i also feel a sense of relief because I am going to do it... I am anticipating the release. During the time I burn myself I feel dissociated. I feel out of body. I also feel concentrated and completely hone in on the act often getting lost in it. After I feel sad and lost. I feel confusion. I feel disappointed with myself because afterwards everything about me is "normal" again. I feel shame at over-reacting.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 26, began to SI at age 14]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12-13]

Before - I feel absolutely terrified. Frantic. I shake and tremble and cry and moan. I hit my legs or pinch myself so as to try to stop the urges to cut. I feel desperate.\nDuring - I don't feel anything. It's like I go somewhere else totally. I stop breathing, my vision and hearing goes almost completely away. It takes all of my concentration just to keep the razor in the right place.\nAfter - I feel calm, almost euphoric. I feel fuzzy, warm, and content. I lay and breathe heavily in my bed, taking the feeling in because I know it's not going to last. Then I normally go to sleep, or just listen to music...

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12-13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 12]

Before I feel like screaming and hurting something, anything.Once I start, it's like I slip into this daze and when I snap out of it and I'm done, sometimes I don't feel any better and I do it more, but sometimes I can go to sleep easier knowing I've bled.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 12]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[male, age 22, began to SI at age 18]

Depressed. I almost killed myself in '95 and now if those feelings come back for a moment I hurt myself. I generally enjoy doing it, I hate my body and wish I could scar it up, so I almost never have done as much as I would have liked but when I stop I no longer feel depressed. It is relaxing and fun. When I punch myself I laugh.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[male, age 22, began to SI at age 18]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle