[female, age 15, began to SI at age 14]

Before I just feel like I need to, and I usually don't understand why, it's just like an addiction, and I need it to feel better...\nDuring, I just concentrate on the act, and letting out the pain. Sometimes I feel angry at people or myself or things that happened during the day.\nAfter, I feel comforted, and then I feel ashamed, mainly because I know my best friend (the only one that knows) will be mad at me when she finds out.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 14]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 26, began to SI at age 14]

Before I feel out-of-control, hopeless, overwhelmed and as if I am drowning in myself which at the time equals pain. Right before i do it though i also feel a sense of relief because I am going to do it... I am anticipating the release. During the time I burn myself I feel dissociated. I feel out of body. I also feel concentrated and completely hone in on the act often getting lost in it. After I feel sad and lost. I feel confusion. I feel disappointed with myself because afterwards everything about me is "normal" again. I feel shame at over-reacting.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 26, began to SI at age 14]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12-13]

Before - I feel absolutely terrified. Frantic. I shake and tremble and cry and moan. I hit my legs or pinch myself so as to try to stop the urges to cut. I feel desperate.\nDuring - I don't feel anything. It's like I go somewhere else totally. I stop breathing, my vision and hearing goes almost completely away. It takes all of my concentration just to keep the razor in the right place.\nAfter - I feel calm, almost euphoric. I feel fuzzy, warm, and content. I lay and breathe heavily in my bed, taking the feeling in because I know it's not going to last. Then I normally go to sleep, or just listen to music...

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 12-13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 12]

Before I feel like screaming and hurting something, anything.Once I start, it's like I slip into this daze and when I snap out of it and I'm done, sometimes I don't feel any better and I do it more, but sometimes I can go to sleep easier knowing I've bled.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 15, began to SI at age 12]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[male, age 22, began to SI at age 18]

Depressed. I almost killed myself in '95 and now if those feelings come back for a moment I hurt myself. I generally enjoy doing it, I hate my body and wish I could scar it up, so I almost never have done as much as I would have liked but when I stop I no longer feel depressed. It is relaxing and fun. When I punch myself I laugh.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[male, age 22, began to SI at age 18]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 13]

Before I SI my head is all spiny and disorientated, I start talking to myself. While I'm slicing I start to talk to my utensils and ask myself questions, 'Oh, do I really want to end my life?' After I'm done I don't feel guilt or any remorse but I feel happy, like a ton of bricks have been lifted off of me.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 24, began to SI at age 14]

Before- like I have to do it to go on with my day. Sometimes for no reason. During- I like it. After- I like to be able to see what I have done, so I do my arms a lot. I like to feel it when someone unknowingly grabs my arm and it hurts or I bump it. A day or so later I wish they weren't there and feel like a pathetic loser.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 24, began to SI at age 14]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 13]

Before, I feel really depressed and overwhelmed. During, I feel better and for a couple of minutes after I feel better, but eventually I just feel worse than I did in the first place.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 28, began to SI at age 13]

It's a building process. My emotions build up to the point where I can't handle them anymore and then I start thinking about SI, I anticipate the blade or my lighter. While I SI I feel peaceful and at ease. It's like I'm taking a time-out from reality. After I'm done I lay back and enjoy the ride(I usually dissociate myself when I SI).

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 28, began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 11]

Before I would feel out of control, like I was failing everyone.I would get panicky and scared. During all I could think about was the blood and skin being cut. I just wanted the release. I craved it. After I would feel better for a little bit and then cry myself to sleep, I was so disappointed in myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 11]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle