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Before I SI I feel frustrated, angry, sad, depressed; I feel as if my head is about to explode, as if I might explode right then and there. During my SI I feel the pain, and I feel my emotional pain slowly slipping away within the physical. I feel angry at the fact that it takes these cuts to feel better and that it was another person who drove me to my razor-friend again,and so I cut more, deeper. Afterwards I feel calm, better, relieved. I only feel a fraction of the intensity of the initial emotions, and I bandage up the cuts. I lie down and then cry the rest out, but it's the crying, the part -after- the cut when I want to die the most.