Fri, 2009-04-03 23:34 — GabriellePrinter-friendly version
It's been more difficult, mainly, because now the people I've told think I'm just openly masochistic. It's really frustrating, because I don't get any pleasure/sexual gratification from hurting MYSELF -- that only comes when a close friend/romantic interest is the one hurting me, and only to a certain amount of pain.
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[Female, age 17, started SH 6 months ago]
I dont know mixed feelings really.
When i told my counsellor i felt better cause finally someone knew which really helped cause before i felt so alone and like i was going crazy.
And now, well i still feel alone and crazy compared to everyone around me, but just sometimes i feel a little better knowing im not completley alone.
same as before
I dont think my life has become more complicated, just just complicated in different areas, such as; friends, and trusting people to know the truth. These things didnt used to be an issue and nowm, obviously, they are.
infinately more difficult
i only told a few people that i trusted, and one of them told the school gossip, so i get ragged on all the time because of what i have to do to survive. it is hell. mum put me in counseling, so now i get checked on all the time, and if i accidentally drop a goblet or something (i rarely throw things) they check me and check my room to make sure i didnt take any of the glass. its not like im in a padded cell or anything. they just piss me off.
the worst part of it all is the look on my best friends face when he found out....
♥ Alice
I totally agree
I totally agree with you, i've only told a few people i trust but even then i feel like a poser for sharing my big dark secret. the thing is, ive actually gotten worse since i've told people because of the guilt i feel in burdening them with my deep dark secret. at school all the teachers walk around me like they're walking on broken glass, if i wag just one class the police are called and a full search is innitiated for me, even if i'm just smoking it up behind the gym with my friends. my entire house has been gone over by my mum and she's hidden everything with a hint of an edge, the stupid thing is i can just go buy more razors to dissasemble if i'm desperate. but im proud now because i've been clean for a week, and i'm managing to hide my pain from those around me more easily, i just say i'm sick.
my friends aren't all that help, two of them have self harmed in their lives and with my best friend we just compare scars and complement each other on how good they look. its a sick connection we share.
telling people was probably the worst thing i've done all year.
speaking of cutting, there's something i have to go do....
Myvanwy
Both Ways
Truthfully, it goes both ways. It's a nice form of accountability, but it gets really frustrating the way my family is contantly checking me and asking me how I'm doing. At my school, I've sort of become the poster child for SI, which is both awesome and has opened a lot of doors and educated many people, but obviously has many downfalls- I have lost friends because of it.
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