Telling now feels liberating in a sense, but also scary because I've never confronted this, I have always just accepted it as something I do when I'm stressed. But now I am beginning to wonder if there is really something wrong.
Sometimes it's easier because I feel like if I feel REALLY bad there are people that I *can* call and talk to. Usually I would just feel guilty for calling them, but I know that I can do that. But it's more difficult because I often feel like I have to almost prove myself strong enough to handle things...like they don't need to be looking out for me all the time.
It has giving me the support i need like it was so hard for me to call someone when i was gonna cut for help and then i joined an internet group and met these amazing people that i have talked to for 2 years and actually went and met 5 of them and they are awesome. One is the same age as me and we are getting an apartment together. She has stopped cutting and i call her anytime i'm upset cuz she knows exactly what i'm talking about.
Since i've told, it's been harder in some ways, like having a few friends ditch me, and a few more start babying me like i'm gonna sneak off and do it all the time, but overall i think it got better after i did tell 'cause the fear of people finding out went away, and when people reacted in a not negative way, and were understanding (sort of) about it, i didn't feel so much shame about it. And a few of my friends are so much closer now. I can allow them to know me now, and i can talk to them because they already know my deep dark secret and haven't left me. It makes me feel safer with them knowing they're not gonna leave me.
