[female, age 20, began to SI at age 17]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI can't decide if it's a good thing to get SI out into the open or not. If it wasn't for that one magazine article, SI probably wouldn't have occurred to me. I would be scar-free today. Also, I don't want it to become like depression, how it's almost like it's in vogue. It's a tricky subject, like suicide. Only with SI, no one else can prevent it, or stop it, except for the one who's doing it, so what do we need awareness for? Internet sites like this are good, so people who actually SI can seek out information for themselves, and frustrated kids won't start cutting themselves and getting all infected to get attention.
[female, age 15, began to SI at age 14]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleMy best friend keeps telling me 'The harder you fall the higher you bounce' my personal adaptation on it is... 'The higher you climb the father you fall, the farther you fall, the harder you splat.' And I've found it's true, the more days I go with out SI.ing, the harder I relapse when I cut again. Her reply to this was a further adaptation... 'The higher you climb, the farther you fall; the farther you fall, the harder you splat; the harder you splat, the more it hurts; the more it hurts the stronger you become; the stronger you become, the higher you climb; if you keep climbing higher, eventually you'll get out of the hole.'
[female, age 27, began to SI at age 13]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI have felt so alone in all of this... I know now that I am not alone or crazy. The past few months have been harder than all of the abuse, but I am growing and I will overcome the sicknesses of my elders.
[female, age 20, began to SI at age 15, college student]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI just thought I'd mention my experience with Samaritans. I guess it's not their fault, but I wrote an e-mail to them in desperation, and I got a response about 3 days later that was basically a cookie-cutter letter, with no actual human response. Made me sick, and it triggered me badly, proving to myself that there was just one more person out there that didn't give a shit about how I felt.
[female, age 18, began to SI at age 6]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI think I pretty much got it all on the 'Why do you SI?' question. \n\n Otherwise...\n\n Its a beautiful, yet twisted reality we live in. Non-cutters cannot see through our distorted visions. They do not understand why we do the things we do and often do not try to. It is up to us to help them to understand. Because without it, our methods of self-preservation will forever be shunned from societies view of 'normal'. We are normal human beings. We have problems too. We cannot help it if our coping methods are a bit different than others. We should not be ashamed, nor afraid, nor shunned, nor mistreated, nor hated for our actions. We want to be loved like any other. Believe in yourself and be honest - with yourself and others. Love and be loved. Acceptance is the key...\n\n Im tired and rambling now..Goodnight, be safe!\n -Kristen S.
[female, age 20, began to SI at age 17, unemployed]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI just have something for those of us who SI to think about...Self Injury is just that, an act inflicted by one's self on one's self. It is something that many of us hold incredibly private and in a way, sacred, becoming offended that other people would intrude upon our personal selves trying to "help." Your actions affect only you, leave scars on only your flesh, and many of us wish to be simply left alone to our own devices. But those people who intrude, who try to thrust themselves inbetween us and our plight are not all just haphazard interlopers. There are still some truly caring souls out there; who yes, want to change you, but not simply so you can conform and "fit in" with the rest of society, but so that you can find peace and be happy. Make sure you know the difference before shunning everyone away.
[female, age 29, began to SI in her teens, artiste]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI find it difficult to have talked about it but still not feel free or safe to talk about it even to people that know. Sometimes I find the other coping methods deeply unsatisfying but still hold on. What has changed for me is that I don't feeel as trapped as before. I feel that even if I do it again I managed to say it once I can do it again. I still very lonely but not as much. \n\n The sound stops as she reaches the shore. The sound drops her, naked, her feelings bare but she is alive and restless. She puts her new stone in a pocket of her mind and goes on.\n And finds love, perhaps...
[female, age 15, began to SI at age 13, high school]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleIm not sure what im supposed to put here... uhm I guess i just say how i feel. Well personally i feel very depressed, before i'd have up's and downs. I could be happy than all of a sudden i'd crash and id become so depressed. I feel like no one notices me, im just 'there'.I feel like i fail. Im not very good in school...much less anything? i feel like i fail being a friend and daughter. I feel i fail as a person. I really dis-like myself greatly. I don't find myself...in ANY way pretty,...i find myself ugly, basically a disgusting pig. People always tell me things would be better if i was gone, and i start to believe it. And i do believe it.. And i just want out of this. Out of feeling this. I hate waking up and feeling this void, this heavy feeling of crap. My friends say im Bi-polar... hm. I just wish i could actually find a reason not to...kill myself...Ive read/heard a lot but it doesnt change the way i feel, it doesn't make me ...not...want to kill myself?
[male, age 19, began to SI at age 15]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleEven though I feel that no one can help me- I still care about others and I hope if someone reads this they know that they really are not alone. I love to help people. It is the only reason I haven't killed myself. I believe my purpose on this rancid planet is to make sure that no one else is forced to share my fate. No one should feel this alone or this lost. No one should have to hurt themselves to feel better.
[female, age 16, began to SI at age 15]
Fri, 2009-04-03 22:34 — GabrielleI often feel like i am not real or not worthy of being believed. SI is my way of proving that i feel like this despite that i feel i have no right to feel it. I have never been abused or mistreated at all. I had a 'perfect' childhood and have great parents.... i don't know why i have turned to SI but i know i feel guilty that people wouldn't believe that i feel bad enough to do SI (i'm deathly afraid of being called an attention seeker)
