[female, age 16, began to SI at age 14, high school student]; if you want to know why

it's true that only a self-injurer really understands why anyone would hurt themselves. it's a very complex thing, at least for me. there are many reasons i have hurt myself. usually it's for emotional relief. the science behind it is that when you are injured, endorphins are released by your brain to calm you down. sometimes it's for self-punishment, or a reaction to emotional numbness.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

female, age 16, began to SI at age 14, high school student

Sun, 2010-02-28 17:40 — poetessbeta

why....

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

female, age 17, began to si at 13, high school student

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Fri, 2010-02-12 00:11 — Anonymous

[female, age 20, began to SI at age 17]

I don't so much any more.....but I did it because I was so tormented on the inside that I had to let it out somehow, and through my skin seemed as good a place as any. Feeling the external pain helped the internal pain to melt away for a little while - it was like all the bad feelings were washed away with the blood, and I was clean.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 20, began to SI at age 17]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[male, age 19, began to SI at age 15]

When my body hurts it allows me to forget how much my heart hurts. I guess cutting my arms and legs and burning myself with cigarettes is a distraction from the emptiness and loneliness I feel.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[male, age 19, began to SI at age 15]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 11]

There's lots of reasons. It gives me control, and when I cut I feel like because I can handle that pain, I can handle my emotional pain. I feel like I need a reason or an excuse to feel the emotional pain that I do, and having scars I gave myself gives me a reason for my irrational depression. I like the way it feels, when the razor slices open my skin... and I just have this irrational desire to see my own blood.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 16, began to SI at age 11]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 17, began to SI at age 13]

When I'm put in a situation where I'd want to scream, but can't because of where I'm at and the people I'm around, hurting myself releases the tension in the same way as screaming or hurting others would, except it's quieter and less noticeable. If something upsets me at school, for instance, I can cut my wrist or dig my fingernails into my hand without anyone knowing what I'm doing or how I'm feeling. I also like the scars. They remind me of what I've been through, all of the emotions and mistakes I've made. It's like "wearing a journal." However, probably the biggest reason I SI is because I hate my "external" self. I'm content with who I am on the inside, but I feel like my body's this big, ugly mask, hiding who I really am, and keeping others from wanting to get to know me. I hate myself with a passion, and I feel disconnected in a way, like there are two separate parts of me. I often want to destroy my body... to mutilate it in any way that I can.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 17, began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 18, began to SI at age 13]

To release all of the anger and pain kept in me. It relaxes me, I feel somewhat normal after I SI. I love the feeling during and after, it seems to feel almost orgasmic.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 18, began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 28, possibly began to SI at age 13]

There are many reasons why I do it. I do it to focus my attention from emotional pain to physical pain (it's easier to deal with). I do it because I'm angry, hate myself, feel like I need to punish myself, are stressed out, to bring on a dissociative episode or end one. Sometimes I do it just to prove to myself that I'm still real.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 28, possibly began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 11]

When pain in my life becomes too much and I feel so alone, all I want is some form of release. I crave the idea of pain being able to be taken away from my emotional state, even if it means physical pain. By cutting myself the physical pain overrides the emotional pain and I don't have to deal with my family, my friends, the stress of having to be all around perfect, straight A girl. It's something for me, alone.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 14, began to SI at age 11]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle

[female, age 21, began to SI at age 13]

I do it to punish myself and relieve myself of some of my guilt (about almost everything). I do it because it releases overwhelming emotional tension I find very confusing and impossible to deal with. I do it because it feels good and I love the pain.

In Their Own Words Information

Person: 

[female, age 21, began to SI at age 13]

Fri, 2009-04-03 23:33 — Gabrielle