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I have a hard time putting thoughts and feelings into words. \n\nI guess I do it because it feels good. Of course physical pain doesn't always feel good but when I inflict it apon myself knowingly, willingly, I am prepared and I want it. Sometimes I do it to calm me down when I'm in such a rage or fit of sadness that I feel like my head is going to explode. I don't remember where I heard this but someone wrote or said something along the lines of, "It's like a release. All the tension, pain, sadness, anger, fustration, whatever that's eating you up inside is let out of through you're blood. Everything seeps out of your wound."\n\nI swear sometimes pain feels good. \n\nSometimes I do it because I have this urge to see my bloode. To break skin. To do it for the sake of doing it. I'm used to it. I like the feel of crimson running down my skin or a slight sharp sting of inflicting a wound. It's always fascinating. Creating a new scar on my gallery of a body.\n\nI truly swear to god LOATHE myself. I do not discriminate, I hate everyone. My old keychain. I do in a way hate everyone but no one comes close to me. I have so many flaws and I know what most of them are but I can't or at least won't change. I'm sick and disgusted by myself. \n\nI don't know. It's hard to say. There's many reasons and some just cannot be explained.