It depends on how depressed I am. If I'm really out of it, I don't usually feel the pain until afterwards. But if I'm more in reality, then I feel the pain but I ignore it. I'd rather feel pain than be numb anyway. It also depends on what way I am injuring. Usually with spraining bones I get pain right away. With the bruise it swells and I just feel pain if I bump it. With my cuts, they usually bleed through my pants but luckily no-one sees anyway. My burns don't hurt until the next say, and they take forever to do. I have a huge scar on my arm and one on my foot from the first few times that I did it.
Theres mental and physical pain that I feel. I like it. It gives me the feeling that I'm in control of something. My life is pretty much school, cut, homework, sleep. I'm always grounded because my parents hate me, and they don't care that I suffer from depression. Nobody knows exactly how I feel, that's why I do it. Because it feels amazing. It may hurt for a while but to know that I actually did something to myself without my parents making me/ knowing, it's like my own secret. I'm not important in my own world, and if you know how I feel and you want to talk feel free to email me... or if you think I'm a freak and just want to judge me, don't. But here it is ssostarichyahoo [dot] com
Whoever says that they don't (while sober) are lying. It hurts and that's why I enjoy it. Pain is a turn on for me, so is blood. Love the feeling of being wounded. Love the reminder on my forearms and legs of whatever I did wrong that day, whatever someone else did wrong that way. It's my body, might as well enjoy it.
Yes, feeling pain is the main reason I cut. When the pain from a cut makes me take a deep breath is when I start to relax and feel relief from the emotional pain. I have tried alternatives like ice or a rubberband, but it doesn't create the same feeling.
Yes. As often as possible I choose an object that I know will rip my skin instead of just slicing it like a razor blade. I love to feel the pain. It's why I continue to do it. The pain makes me feel something. It gives me what I deserve.
My name is Gabrielle and I am twenty-eight years old. I began to self-injure at age fifteen -- so nearly thirteen years -- minus a two year period. This website was made to let self-injurers know that they are not alone and to help their friends and family learn more about self-injury and how it affects their loved one.
