It's been easier because I don't have to make up stupid lies that people know aren't true anyway. It's been harder because people now look at me differently, and I feel like I have a stigma.
This time it's been easier. I called him a couple nights ago because I was home alone and wanted to stay away from the kitchen knives. I actually feel bad about having told him, because I'm voicing my fears about it to him, and while I have him to turn to, he can't turn to anyone if I worry him and there's nothing he can do. Living with my SI has been easier since I told, except that I realize how little he understands what I'm thinking.
It's been easier, because I can call my friends instead of cutting. But if my parents found out, I think they would just freak. And they'd take away my pocket knife and all, and that would just make it worse, because I wouldn't have any outlet for my pain, and I'd end up killing myself. That's what happened when I tried to stop, I ended up writing suicide notes to my friends, I wanted to die, because I didn't let out my pain.
In some ways it has been easier because i don't have to hide my scars, but it has been difficult because my husband promised me that he would have me committed if I did it again. I want to cut almost everyday, but I don't want to be separated from my children due to hospitalization. So I have an inner struggle/conflict almost everyday... cut or stay home with my kids?
