I think I might be able to pull myself together, at least from this. I haven't cut myself in almost 2 months. I had to stop or else I would lose my big brother, the one person who has shown me the most support. After my last relapse he told me I didn't want to get better, that he has tried his best to help me. This is the best I can do for now. Now that I don't have my razors around anymore I don't know what to do with myself. I don't feel like I deserve any credit for my "progress".
I spend a lot of time thinking about death. To me life is only an agonizing journey to grave. Pretty grim view, huh? I've got people telling me to stop thinking like that and my brother is scared that I might do something bad. They can talk all they want but they don't know how I feel inside. But despite this, I keep hanging on. Maybe things will turn around soon.
hello. i would just like to say this. get it out to the world i guess. for what reason? not sure.
Anyhow... I have been cutting for six years. i may seem stupid to whoever is reading this and i dont really care because i know the truth about myself. I was 14 when i started to cut. When i was 14 i had a boyfriend move in with me. i saw a movie on the channel lifetime about a girl who cut herself. and not right after but after this i tried it. and i experienced relief from my emotions. cutting became my way of dealing with sadness and anger. six years later and i still do it. i dont like to. i dont do it often. it is not something i can choose not to do. i am not blaming anybody. these actions are my own. however i wonder how i would have developed my coping skills had i not seen that movie at that age.
Now, i wish i could get help. I have no insurance to go to a therapist. i have told several people including a parent. and no one did anything. they do not understand it. i dont want to cut. i want to stop. but i cant.
Things have actually been looking up for me lately. I haven't cut myself in almost 3 months & I feel like my life's on track the way it should be. I'm building a future for myself and it feels good to be able to prove everyone wrong. They only thought I would fail. Read more »
Im poisoncade. I started cutting when I was almost eleven, and deep into me being twelve. I stopped, and hadn't cut in more that a month. I was suicidal, and went to slit my wrists in the bathtub. I have never and will never cut my wrists. I stopped just as the razor was about to cut through my vein, and I cut instead. I said I would stop after that. My mother, a few days later, made comments to me that people that SI should be locked up in the psycho ward, and I cut the words "BLEED F@#!UP" into my arm. I'm going back to cutting, and god help me, I'm enjoying the change.
I sometimes find it hard to hold back the tears. Most days I try to find a reason to keep going, to feel happy about my life. But it's so hard. Everyday I have to keep up this act in front of everyone,this fake normal & happy routine. Why? Because I don't want to feel vulnerable and who would stick around if they knew what a mess I am? I keep telling myself it's all for my own good, the silence and secrets, but I can't help but feel a bit lonely.
My brother is trying his best to help me out. He even wants me on medication. It's a solution I'm not too happy with, but I don't know what else to do. I'm trying my best not to relapse but it's been happening way too many times. I don't know what the hell to do with myself. It makes me sick to think of the blood and scars sometimes, and yet I can't quit. Not completely. I keep finding resons to stay on this bad track.
