My teachers were shocked, and worried. They have to watch me now. My parents yelled at me. Saying that I put them through hell when I hurt so much inside. They arent the ones going through hell, I am. I feel that cut, burn, bruise, or sprain before they even see it. I don't even let them see my pain. It's just like, Smile to hide your pain and nobody has to know. Not that a lot of people care, anyway.
One of the people I told were my friends. Some of them are self-harmers, so they understood my pain and accepted it without judging me. Some of my other friends, however, said that it was stupid and only stupid people did stuff like that. And yet others said, " So you're emo?!". That really upset me because I'm not emo and I self-harm. Some people can be emo and not self harm. And vice versa. Just because I self-harm doesn't give people the right to drop me into the "emo" category. I'm judged enough as it is.
She simply looked at me, exasperated, and started yelling at me. She told me I was stupid, and it was probably influenced by my friends or something I saw or read. She told me I was foolish and selfish.
After she calmed down, she threatened to send me to therapy. That made me stop for a while. Therapy is much too expensive for us, and selfish on my part.
It hurt, and when I relapsed, I never told her again.
I have a friend who I indirectly pulled a response from. Once, I cut my hand by accident and bled a lot. She looked at me and said, "Oh my gosh, you cut yourself? You're one of those sick emos!"
Here, self-harm is not something that is easily talked about. I never told anyone else.
The first people I told were my friends when we were in middle school. I don't remember how the topic came up, but I just told them and showed them my scars (this was back when I was cutting on my wrists).They were very concerned about me and told the school's guidance counselor, who we all liked. To this day I thank them for doing this because that was the first time I received help for my depression. The guidance counselor was very understanding and referred me to therapy.
My current friends know as well and are pretty understanding; they don't judge me when I cut. Only a select few family members know because I haven't very comfortable making it well known to everyone for fear of being judged. My parents don't know and I don't think I'll ever be comfortable telling them. They know about my suicide attempts, depression and hospitalizations - they didn't react very well to those incidents. I don't believe they'll react well to knowing I self-harm. So far everyone who knows is very supportive and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm dealing with enough shame to have others try to guilt trip me on top of it.
Well, most people have no clue I self injure. The only ones who know are my family, my boyfriend, and maybe like two other people. I choose not to really tell anyone because I believe they will think I am crazy or weird....just some psycho. I do not trust anyone with my secret. When my mom first found out right before I went to outpatient treatment at a hospital, I heard her talking on the phone saying, "Oh, maybe she is just crazy!" and "Who knows if she is even telling the truth. She could be lying for attention". It really hurt to hear this from my own mother. It makes me want to be closed off even more because I just do not think people understand. They just judge me. It is hard for me to trust anyone because most people have screwed me over. I wish people were more understanding and aware of self injury.
My name is Gabrielle and I am twenty-eight years old. I began to self-injure at age fifteen -- so nearly thirteen years -- minus a two year period. This website was made to let self-injurers know that they are not alone and to help their friends and family learn more about self-injury and how it affects their loved one.
