"Don't be fooled by her beautiful smile. Inside she's breaking, she's fragile."
"How do you know I'm hurting if you cannot see my pain? To wear it on my body shows what words cannot explain."
Those quotes are me. I'm Cassie, I'm fourteen. I have Asperger's syndrome. That's mild functioning autism. My twin brother has severe autism. Here's our family expriment: Two fully vaccinated kids, and one who has never had vaccinations. Two autistic kids, one typically developing child. I don't give a damn who did what studies on autism in conjunction to vaccinations.
I have been cutting since I was ten years old. Cutting is my main form of self-harm. I also bruise, burn, break/sprain bones, and starve. My stomach, thighs, and legs are covered in self inflicted cuts and scars. I've spent years hiding behind a smile. I realized I'm not going to hide anymore, I don't have the energy.
I also have anorexia/ednos, five anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, and major depressive disorder. I probably have even more disorders, but I probably don't know about them. So, I'm crazy.
I'm extremley suicidal. I tried to take my life several times. The determination to kill myself has been stronger than ever.
I live with my parents, two brothers, and tons of pets! We joke sometimes and say we could charge admission for a zoo..I've lived in another country, and five other states. Well, almost six, but I haven't moved yet this time around.
I am a writer, trying very hard to get my writing published. If you look under creativity, most of my poems are there. Hopefully my computer never crashes, because most of my poems are online. I'm trying to transfer them into a journal, but I'm too lazy.
You know that smiley girl....the one who seems to have it prefect? WRONG. It's all about hiding my pain from everyone else. Around my friends though, I am the happiest and up beat of them all.
I hate it when I'm told that I hurt people. I'm the one who starves, cuts, cries, and gets anxiety attacks before anyone knows anything. I am not proud of it. I think of myself as a loser with it. People judge me though they don't know anything. I hate telling people about my problems, I try hard to hide them and not tell people, so I came on here to know I'm not alone.
Need to talk? I'm here to listen. Post a comment or PM me.
As my poem Broken Beyond Repair says,
"I live my life in constant doubt.
Suicide seems like the only way out.
I lost the battle, not the war.
Someday, recovery will come knocking at my door."
Writing (My work is in the long process of being published)
I'm a perfectionist
Anything twloha or autism awareness