self-injury.net

im stormy. im 15. but i feel like dusk. i dont do much, dont have a best friend... use to but then we thought it was loooove (because im bisexual and thought it was a good idea i guess.......) and yeah basically that went to hell and we wanted to kill each other so i guess that means i have a enemy?... i spend half my life asleep and the rest at a school i hate. uhmmm i started self harming on august 21,2010. that was when i was majorly depressed.... i still do it... but i also drink alcohol... not the best idea when most of your biological family are poor drunks. my mother died because she drank herself to dealth on february 2, 2013 at 4:00 a.m and three other people in my biological and adoptive family have died this year already including my last grandmother now i only have on god grandmother who i am not related to but love all my heart..... i know my dates. even though i cant remember the memories. i got over it... i didnt know her well (which was the same exact thing id cry about after she died) since i was put in a foster home at 6 years old and adopted by the same family. life is okay. im not depressed for anything (i only am when hormones are involved ;>>) im just crazy like my mother. i say that to everyone... some times i self injure just to feel something... and sometimes i feel happy doing it.... its kinda disturbing but i take mood stabilizing pills... i try and not get out of control because ive been put in a short term mental hospital and my adoptive parents threatened to put me in a long term mental hospital  where ill stay for months. and the weird thing is it does the opposite of what it supposed to do. i just get depressed and feel like a caged animal... i don't know. im sort of self centered. i spend so much time within my own brain i can't relate to anyone if im not relating them to myself. if that makes sense. im shy. but im friendly. but jealous and revengeful, but loyal and forgiving when given a apology.... but crazy about tiny things. im just kinda everywhere when im no where at all. if that makes sense. its a love, hate kinda thing like hugging a porcupine. but i like friends. and i talk about nothing at all. if that makes sense. but the friends i do have my heart has chosen. i am extremely loyal and sort of clingy. sorry. but i do like to think i can be the kinda person youre friends with for life. i love giving advice and support. which can be overwhelming. im just an overwhelming person. <3 gotta love me and deal with it or if not well you might a psycho on your hands. i don't have a eating disorder but people at my school think im a walking twig. im just naturally skinny. i even compulsions to stuff my face with food whenever someone calls me skinny, but since my emotions flip flops sometimes i think about trying stop eating just to be everything they dont want but i can't not eating and sleeping is basically my life other than music and typing blogs on here. i know that is sick im surely disturbed... but then again sometimes i enjoy dabbling in the dark. even though i am a christian.... i believe i might be going to hell... but i cant change... ive tried. this is who i am... this is all i will be. its embedded in my personality. and its not much. sorry i talk a lot. about myself mostly... well this is a "about me" thing right? well here you go hope you enjoyed. u can read my interest you might be surprised i have any. gonna go sleep now.