self-injury.net

my name is nicole-jane, im eighteen. i havent been diagnosed with any form of depression but i know its there always in the back of my mind. im not always unhappy, im generally a happy-go-lucky person, but then when im down its like rock bottom.

i started harming myself when i was younger, about 11. it was when my mother began her new relationship and things just went from bad to worse to hell. i began hitting walls and punching them. when i use to pull my hair my step sister would laugh so i began doing that in private. i had tried cutting myself then but i couldnt so i scratched my skin away. weeks after the relationship had ended my mother began drinking, she went out to buy some cider and i was begging her not to, thats when i first cut myself, when she wouldnt listen to me. i felt so helpless. i didnt cut again for years but i fell back into my hair pulling and wall unching habbits. when i was 15 i cut again. for years after everything seemed fine though i wasnt happy. i had learned to cope with it without hurting myself but then more arguements began happening. its only been just under a years and ive sunk deeper into this routine of hating myself so i cut then loathing myself further because of the scars. 

its hopeless, i fall in and out of cutting and ive stopped myself before, but ive found when i cant stop the cuts get deeper and my hate grows stronger.

its scary to be alone, and im very alone yet i have a best friend who i can tell everything, except this too. my mother knows, she made me go to the doctors, that failed as he was no help and although i feel guilty when i cut, it just seems to be my only outlet.

if you ever need/want to talk to me text me on 07735241638 (just tell me that your from this site) and i will always talk.