my name is nicole-jane, im eighteen. i havent been diagnosed with any form of depression but i know its there always in the back of my mind. im not always unhappy, im generally a happy-go-lucky person, but then when im down its like rock bottom.
i started harming myself when i was younger, about 11. it was when my mother began her new relationship and things just went from bad to worse to hell. i began hitting walls and punching them. when i use to pull my hair my step sister would laugh so i began doing that in private. i had tried cutting myself then but i couldnt so i scratched my skin away. weeks after the relationship had ended my mother began drinking, she went out to buy some cider and i was begging her not to, thats when i first cut myself, when she wouldnt listen to me. i felt so helpless. i didnt cut again for years but i fell back into my hair pulling and wall unching habbits. when i was 15 i cut again. for years after everything seemed fine though i wasnt happy. i had learned to cope with it without hurting myself but then more arguements began happening. its only been just under a years and ive sunk deeper into this routine of hating myself so i cut then loathing myself further because of the scars.
its hopeless, i fall in and out of cutting and ive stopped myself before, but ive found when i cant stop the cuts get deeper and my hate grows stronger.
its scary to be alone, and im very alone yet i have a best friend who i can tell everything, except this too. my mother knows, she made me go to the doctors, that failed as he was no help and although i feel guilty when i cut, it just seems to be my only outlet.
if you ever need/want to talk to me text me on 07735241638 (just tell me that your from this site) and i will always talk.
the dreamers is one of my favourite films in the world.
the smiths is one of my favourite bands
and when im not crying alone im sat laughing with my best friend.