Wed, 2009-04-15 20:37 — GabriellePrinter-friendly version
My name is Gabrielle and I am twenty-five years old. I hurt myself for nearly nine years. This website was made to let self-injurers know that they are not alone and to help their friends and family.
Comments
hello
hi Gabrielle i have a question for you. i am a college student am am study self injury and was wondering if i could interview you or anyone else about this topic, that is if you want. if you could get back that would be great> thank you very much for your time.
SOS from a self-injurer
i'm nearly 20, n i couldnt remember when did i began the thought of hurting myself. i only did it twice b4 --making small cuts on my wrist with a blade -- and i forgot when.
but today, when i looked at those wounds, i suddenly had the idea of hurting myself again. it was so irresistible n i had no other thoughts in mind. i couldnt find a blade, but i did it with a pair of sissors anyway.
feeling pain seems to be the only way of easing my mind. now i'm so scared. Y would i suddenly think of SI again after being good for all these years? what if i could help doing it again n again?
SOS, help me plz.
Marg
Thanks
Hey Gabrielle! I´m really apreciative for that blog. A friend also hurts herself and fell totally destitute. Don´t know what to do. Maybe you could help...
I'm sorry about your friend.
I'm sorry about your friend. What sort of help do you have in mind? Take care.
new and kinda scared
hi im fallen angel. im new to this site and im just looking for suport from people who really understand. i have been cutting off and on for at years as a responce to being assulted and raped. cutting was how i took back control over my emotions and expressed my shame and anger. id cut to relive the feeling pileing up on me then when things started getting worse ( my parents found out started talking about hospitalizeing me the school found out and i was expelled my boyfriend of two years left me and i was raped for a scond time ) i started thinking about and trying to commiet suicide then thinks totally spun out of control and i lost all privicy. for the longest time i feelt like every one around me was ganna brake if i even looked at them so i cut my self off. i hooked up with a guy and feel in love and after therapy and drug trails i managed to stop cutting but then started smokeing pot all of the time untill i got pregant. i was scared and feelt like i was going to be looked down on and so i relapsed after me and my guy had been together for four years i found out he was cheating on me thou most of our realtionship and when i got upset over this he got violent and things once again spun out of control now im im college tring to rebuild my life and working to raise happy healthy children and im feel like im drownding... im haveing panic attacks again and thinking of cutting most of the time. so much so that for some reasion i decided to write my psychology paper on self injery and self harm. i want to try to help other people with the urge to hurt them selfs because doing so helps me to feel like i can move past it and ive been makeing room for music in my life again. but im here so i can talk about it. i dont want to got to the docter because i dont want to go in to the hospital for these feelings or to be watched consitanly again. if any one would ever like to talk to me message me on yahoo. my sn is lilgothgirl34 just tell me that ur from this page and that ud like to talk.... im more then happy to help.
big step!
I'm not really sure where to begin since I find this very hard to talk about, so this is a big step for me... Well, I'm 17 years old and I started to SI when I was 12. Most of the time it gets out of hand. I think to much of it always being there for me, and how it conforts me and keeps anger, saddness, bad thoughts, memories, and stress off of my mind. I don't know how to control it, because I honestly love it. It is something that never leaves me and never lets me down. There is alot more to this story, but its hard enuff saying this much. I thank you for this website because it helps me open up. Its really nice knowing im not alone..
<3
-kstorm<3
Thank you
I'm so glad to have found you. I first started injuring myself when I was 13. I cut myself after my uncle raped me. Then became promiscuous for the next 3 years. I stopped and felt I was healed when I married the most wonderful man. I'm now in my 40's and started injuring myself again 7 years ago. There are the good times and the bad times and the bad times seem to be getting worse. Apparently I don't suffer from clinical depression and when I was on anti depressants the problem became much worse. When I feel I have no control over an aspect in my life I cut myself or take pills and drink alcohol or all 3. A few years ago when I started cutting myself again, I was stupid enough to cut my arms...nice and visible and when someone questioned me about it it was "crazy cat scratches'. Now I cut my thighs and hips, but they are becoming more frequent. I feel anxiety when I prepare for it, but relief after the fact. My GP sent me to counseling which has done bugger all and I was given all kinds of self-help books, 'as if' I'm going to read those, especially on my own. Much better to be able to interact with others that at least understand the deeper part of the 'why'. My community, friends and family with exception of my husband have no idea I'm this broken. Thanks so much for being. I feel like I have some brothers and sisters reading what you have to say. Today is another day of not being able to cope and I'm scared once again.
I'm seventeen..first SI was
I'm seventeen..first SI was when I was 15. After a particularly nasty fight with my parents I went to the bathroom, took a pair of tweezers, and hacked at my wrist (how many times I'm not sure..) Other times I got upset I would beat on walls or hard things until I bruised, if no one was around. For awhile I stopped hurting myself. A few months ago I stole a razor from work. I was feeling a lot of stress in my relationship. My boyfriend wasn't the nicest to me and I started cutting myself when things got stressful. One day I told my father about me hurting myself and I wanted to see a counselor. I see a counselor now but I still cut when I get stressed or think about bad things..I want to stop.
It won't stop
I just turned 18, I have been SI my self for 6 years. Yeah started at 12, by accident believe it or not. I was mad and hit my window. After that things spiraled out of control. Now i SI at least once a day. I can't stop, I can't tell my parents because I just got there trust back from the first stupid thing I did. Any suggestions or am I doomed to run out of time soon, cause that's how it feels...
help
It sounds like you're really in a bind :( Therapy doesn't work for me, but it might work for you. Maybe you could see someone? Ask your parents, if you want to, if you could go to therapy. You don't have to tell them why. Make up something. Or, if you're like me and you're too strong-willed and too much of a private person, find a friend who will listen, not judge, and not run to an "adult." Someone who will help you every step of the way. I have that person. I'm going to marry him in a few years. I haven't cut since spring of 2007.
My prayers and hopes go out to you. Please don't think of suicide. It's not the answer and you'll hurt too many people.
Amanda
"To die is an awfully big adventure" - Peter Pan
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return" - Wicked
thanks
thank you for showing me that I am not alone thanks
Daisy
need help!
hi .
i need help i have been cutting since i was seventeen i am 21 years old and cant find a way to stop ;
it started very mild but now its has gotten to the point where its life threatning; two years ago i had found the one person i thought could make it all stop i got married and it was ok for a few months now its has gotten to the point where i am alone in the emotional sense, and its consuming me alive ; i never thought that life could be worst now i cry all the time, and to suthe the pain i cut deep and for very long periods of time . i am glad i found this page because i have not being able to expresse this to anyone this is the first time i talk about it and would like help!!!
Cutting and other Si stuff
for me it started when I was about 8-9 with pulling all my eye lashes out after that I started pulling my hair out I still have a little bald spot and I am 37 now I started the burning and cutting around 14 and at 28 I had my first child thats when I stopped
Need Help!
Hi E.marie,
I've got a friend that is a cutter for 4-5-6 years now and she's married, so am I. We work together and have become close enoughto talk and I try to help her too. So far the "Rubber band"on the wrist helps as a reminder, 2,3,4 are there all the time, even in the shower, not a cure but helps durring lonely times. SEE your Psyc. please, He'll help you, and don't be embarrased, it's all private.
Need Help
Me again,
I forgot to mention She's 36 and we're very close. She went to her "Doctor" today, after her old meds quit working, I'm hoping her new ones help, so maybe it'll stop the "Wany to" for a while. She finally realized how it was hurting her, her family, and relationships. She really wants to quit. All of you , Just hang in there and "ASK FOR HELP". Even if it's a Social worker at a hospital. Wish I could help you all, really.
I feel sad for all of you
I feel sad for all of you all being mostly female are us guys that bad , hearing this makes me want to burn myself the more, things in life depress me, even being told to stop burning, makes me want to burn, I HAVE TO STOP I have 5 daughters with 9 Grandkids, I'm 47 years old and started burning myself at 31 to deal with my divorce and her taking my 5 girls and moving out east she wasnt supposed to because I was dissabled mentally and neither of us could afford flying all of them around I've only seen my 3rd and 5th daughter for 2 days in 13 years ,I had to see pictures of my 3rd daughter being givan away by her stepdad. I dont know how to stop the hurting when life hands you this kind of stuff, until life quits hurting, how is one to to stop hurting, but I bet that most of you hurt worse than I, so what excuse do I have, I tell you I had the sweetest family we were all loving, telling each other they were the best and having goodnight prayers, I havent tried to find another since my divorce, cause all I can think about are my kids, and I didnt want anything to step in my way when i finally got to see my girls .
You should feel bad for YOU!
You should feel bad for YOU! I understand the need to want to stop and the compulsion to keep doing it. Sounds like you have some crappy situations to deal with and I will say what my dr said to me since I said the same thing about my life not being so bad and all kinds of people have it worse. He said, it isn't about comparing tom and angie and sara and steve, it's about your reality. Also, your life really isn't so good right now and it's ok to feel bad about it. Have you seen a dr about any of this stuff? I am sorry for your sorrow and I want you to know that I am 37, a female, but I get that it feels like things should be different at this point in life. What a pain in the ass!!!
morganaboo
Hi I am new
Hi,
My names Krista and I haven't SI'ed for a few years until recently. I have been feeling really depressed and I would like help stoping again.
kthimm1
New to site
I am 28 years old and my birthday is in 3 days. I never thought I would still be cutting at almost 30. I have spent 3/4 of my life as a cutter.
Thank you Gabrielle for making this site possible. I breathe a sigh of relief when I come to this page because I know there are hundreds like me struggling with the same silent desperation. Here I don't have to smile pretty and pretend everything is fine.
-M
i'm new to this whole thing
i'm 16 years old although i'm not knew to self injury, i am new to reaching out for help.
i started self injuring at the age of 8 so i have a good 8 years of it under my belt.
i am an only girl of 4 kids. i have never been put in a hospital.
when i was 12 i started smoking cigarettes and pot. by the time i was 14 i was using crystal meth.
i don't want people to feel bad for me or anything like that i just want someone to hear me, to understand.
Gabrielle
Hi Gabrielle,
I have just become a user / member of this website. I am seventeen years old and have been SI'ing for five years now.
This is really the first time I have reached out to a website of this nature. It feels so good to know that I'm not alone, but also to be reminded that it's not something to be embarrassed about, or to feel weak for.
Thank you so very much for this opportunity.
Me
I'm glad you're finally
I'm glad you're finally reaching out. I hope this site can be of some use, even as only a reminder that you're not alone in this.
ive been cutting myself for a
ive been cutting myself for a year now. and its all i think about i want to stop but my mom will totally freak if i tell her i realy think i need porfessional . PLEASE HELP ME SOMEBODY
this may help...
i understand how you feel. i have been there and i know how scared you feel. here is somethings that helped me out i hope it can inspire you to find a way free of this way of thinking. when dealing with self injuerious behaviors u must treat and deal with them as an addicition. try figureing out what cuases you deisre to hurt ur self and where you think it comes from think about what it is that makes the act of harming your self ease ur emotional feelings or the root reasion you resort to cutting your self next become aware that this is a copeing mecxhinisum plain and simple. dont look at it as quiting cutting look at it as relaceing cutting with a more healtie behavior. look at the people around you and see how they cope with there worlds and think about what you could do and what healtie means to you. some things that worked for me is rubber bands that i would wear around my wrists and when i thought about cutting i pop myself over and over till the feeling passed or untill i foucused on something else. holding ice in your hands works to. it hurts but causes no damage and gives you time to think before haveing to act again. i ended up useing music to pull me out of my hell... i started cutting as a reaction to being assulted and raped and the lack of control i feel and to espress my misplaced angery and shame. i started a concert band and begain prforming classical music i learned to play meny differant insterments and after a while no longer thought about cutting. i took a long time and self control but it is possaible and something else to remimber is that it dose no one any good to beat ur self up over relaspes they happin life moves on and things gett better. the act of cutting wass once described to me as grabing an emotion of sadness that is flooting by like a cloud in the sky and pulling it down and holding on to it instead of letting it go by when you chose not to cut you are letting that emotion slide by and effect you for a shorter time instead of holding on and letting it consume you. think about it and ull see it holds truth. and one last thing.... dont let any one presure you in to stoping... the only way this is ganna work is if you ddedicate your self to this. it takes work and can make you feel discouraged but in the long run it is well worth it.... i wish you luck i hope this helps and keep your chin up and never stop fighting u cant do this BE POSITIVE it helps trust me
Fallen_angel
I hope you can find some
I hope you can find some help. Is there any other form of help you can turn to? A trusted adult who won't necessarily tell your mom. I know it's scary but depending on your mom, after the initial freakout if you tell her you might be able to find some help.
hey
hey Gabrielle
i was just wondering when the Q&A will be
up
I thought I'd replied to
I thought I'd replied to this. It's working fine now. :)
My name is Sarah, I am having
My name is Sarah, I am having a major problem. I am getting kicked out of rehab because I can't stop cutting. I have tried Yoga, grounding techniques, and multiple other different tricks to stop but I can't. I don't think it will affect my sobriety, but I know it could. Pills and needles were a lot easier. I don't want to die! I need help!
I was just let out of
I was just let out of rehab...and some of the stuff works but some is just poopy...i know childish...but i haven't been able to find a substitute. Maybe you can, but what works for me is to think about what is making me want to cut then use that and try and find out something that can counteract that and do it, like listen to music or something. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't and you just cut again.
~airstriker~
Hi Gabrielle.. First of all..
Hi Gabrielle..
First of all.. I want to say you're very brave for putting this up..
I'm 16 years of age.. and I live in the Netherlands..
I haven't SI'ed for 2 months.. untill yesterday..
I have told other people I SI'ed..
But my best friend couldn't handle it.. and she doesn't see me as her best now..
And now I'm scared of losing everybody.. so I'm not telling anyone how I feel.. or what I do..
Thanks for the site.. it really helped me in the time I wanted to SI.. but didn't..
It made me feel I'm not alone.. Thanks for it..
You are really helpful.. if only people would accept SI...
Thanks again =] You have no idea how many times your site helped me..
You're not Alone
I really understand what you are going through.
I went through lots in the past few years.
I'm cutting, and i'm 13. I have been doing it since the winter. The school found out and told my dad. He went crazy. I'm not emo or anything, I seem normal. The hollister and such.
But i'm sick of being depressed. So i take it out on my wrist, hips or ankles.
You're right, if people would just realize.
I agree
People DO need to realize.
Also, I'm 15 and the school found out, and they told my dad too. He knew I had cut before, but he flipped out anyways. All he thinks about is that I'll get put in an insane asylum. Also, my grades are suffering. I just don't care anymore. My dad is scared that I will lose scholarship money because I'm not making staright A's anymore. Nobody seems to understand. Here, I hope some will.
anna_angel
It helps knowing that other
It helps knowing that other people are out there who have an idea of what i feel like...really. It kind of helps me fight agianst wanting to die/cut. If only there were people who understood that really cared, i know there are, but not were i am...it doesn't seem like it. Thankyou...for the website, and just helping in general. Maybe it will help people feel something without self injuring. who knows.
~airstriker~
Good Job!
I have religiously followed your site for about four years now. I love what you do here and the opportunity you give some of us to be comfortable showing a part of ourselves we feel such a strong need to keep hidden. I have meant to get some of my artwork on here for years, and just finally uploaded several drawings. I love the new setup. Makes it so easy! Thanks for the hard work and persistance you put into this!
BrokenAngel
Thank you! I'm glad you like
Thank you! I'm glad you like the new setup and the site in general. :) I was hoping that having it set up in this new way would make it easier for people to share their artwork/poetry/etc. I hope people choose to keep sharing more.
i'm 14 years old and have
i'm 14 years old and have been hurting my self for nearly 4 years now.
please tell someone that can
please tell someone that can get you some help.if you have no one at home tell someone at school.you can stop this you just need some assistance