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  1. Avalon's Blog

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    Hi everyone. My name is Katie and I’m 21.a newbie here. My problems began with college and have progressively gotten worse after a severe car accident (hello PTSD) and an encounter with the head of my former department that ended with me dropping my major. My relationship with my parents is shaky at best, particularily with my mother, and I loathe my sister. I’m in love with my best friend, a fact that he will never ever ever find out, and this often adds to my depressive episodes. I’ve been offically diagnosed with PTSD, a severe form of anxiety, and depression, but there may be some other things floating around in there.

  2. survivor21's Blog

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    Sometimes, there are no words that will sum up the days end, no witty quotes or sayings that can properly conclude the events that have been witnessed.  You begin to wonder if you will ever be able to do enough to calm this chaotic world.  As your mind starts to spin the cold air claws at your skin.  Should you just let yourself fade? Follow all the others into that six foot deep hole that is just waiting to swallow you whole, its just a matter of time until it does anyways, right?  It always does in the end.  Maybe the pills Will silence the demons that haunt your sleep, maybe the bottom of liquor bottle will hold the answers you so desperately seek, maybe that steel blade will bite just hard enough to chase the pain that eats you alive away.  What will the next sun light bring?  A new promise?  Or just a repeat of the struggle that never ends?  So what is your choice?  Will you drownyourself in booze?  Lift yourself on the false security the pain killers bring?  Or chase the crimson high the cool steel of a razor brings?  How about this option, why don’t you take a step back and listen to what I want to show you.  Can you hear the voices of all the people who care about you? The ones that would be devastated without you?  So do me this favor, dump that bottle in your hand into the sink, flush those pills down the drain, toss the blade into the trash and take a deep breath.  Can you feel the air pass through your lungs? Can you hear the beat of a warriors drum beat into your chest?  Do you see the face looking back in the mirror? That’s life flowing through a survivor.  Life is short enough.  So let me ask you this, why would you take anymore of that fragile time off the ticking clock.  You have more than enough time to lay in the coffin later.  Enjoy what you do have, be thankful for the good in your life andforgive the demons that have brought you sorrow and pain.  Without the pain and sorrow you can not feel the happiness that brightens your core if you haven’t felt the latter.  Life is tough, more so for some than others but it hasn’t killed you yet, you are alive and for that you are stronger. Don’t ever forget that you are stronger than you will ever realize.  Smile and show the world that it does not have the power to bring you down. 

  3. suicidegirl's Blog

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    Have you ever felt like you’ve hit “rock bottom”? Like no matter what you do, it’ll never be good enough. No matter how hard you try, you fail. No matter how much effort you put into something, it’s never enough. There’s always someone better. Someone who can do it without even trying and it seems like they did it perfectly. That’s how my life is. How I feel everyday. Like a failure. Ha. who am I kidding? I am a failure. I can’t even simply pass gym class. My theory is that if I know I’m going to fail, I don’t even try. That way, in the end it spares me the pain of being the biggest failure around. I can just keep saying to myself, “I could have done that if I tried” or “I only failed because I didn’t try.” But excuses like that can only work for so long. And I think today was my “wake up day.” It sucks. A lot.
    I fell it deep in my chest, I can’t breathe. Afraid everything is over now. As the cold life-less piece of metal races across my skin, all I can think is, “is this gonna be the end?” Is all the pain, and the failing going to be over? Am I finally free? Free from all this hurt, this pain of everyday. The pain of losing him. The pain of losing myself. There’s only so much a person can take, and even less when you’re alone. I depended on him like he was my life and he just walked away like I was nothing. Like he’s just another scar on my body. Another battle lost. He was my best friend, more than that and then in minutes we became nothing. I was never good enough for him. I’ll never be good enough for anybody or anything. My hundreds of scars prove so. Hearing the words “I’m sooo done with you. Whatever you think we had between us, is over. So delete my number from your phone.” From the person who means everything to you, really really hurts. That simple text message could hurt someone so much, it leads to their breaking point. That’s where I am. On the edge.
    Being so close to the edge, one wrong “step” and it’s over. The biggest question I have to ask myself right now is “Do I give in?” Do I let all this pain that I’ve blocked out for so long over take me? Do I let depression and suicide work together to fulfill its job? Right now, my answer is yes.

  4. lightweight's Blog

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    lightweight
    Latest Entry

    I’ve been put in therapy and I’ve been told over and over again that it’s not the only option but some people don’t understand and some people can’t just simply tell another that there are other ways. I know there are other ways but cutting seems to be the only one for me and I’ve told myself that I need to stop and that it’s really not helping anything but i keep doing it anyway I’ve just gotten better at hiding it. I’ve relapsed about 2 or 3 times and I should be ashamed but I’m honestly not anymore. Is that bad?

  5. thistooshallpass's Blog

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    thistooshallpass
    Latest Entry

    In 2 weeks I will be a sophomore at college still dealing with self harm. It started in March of 2008 when I was in 7th grade and it’s been occurring on and off for 6 years. I’ve been trying to stop ever since I realized what it was doing to me and that I felt that I needed it. I’ve never been able to stop for even a year. Longest period is 270 days. There have been periods where I thought I was done with self-harm and that I overcame it, but I was always brought back to it and struggled to stay recovered. I guess this issue is a life long one that I will always have to fight.

    I know my triggers and the major trigger for me is my mother. My relationship with her is complicated to say the least and it isn’t a very good relationship and never has been. She wasn’t around much when I was younger like in elementary school, but when she was around or came back from a business trip she’d walk through the door and just start yelling and swearing at my dad and I for chores around the house not being done good enough or up to her high standards. That happened every time she came home from a trip and even just coming home from work. While she was around all that mattered to her were my grades. That’s all she ever talked to me about. She didn’t care about how I did at karate, softball or basketball. Grades were all that mattered to her in her mind and it showed. She rarely came to my games or when I tested for the next belt up in karate, but my dad he was always there; thank god I had him. As the years went on it all got worse. I could never stand up for myself when I would get yelled at and such. I was never taught how to and never did because my mom just pushed me down and kept me there so I just shut up and took everything is threw at me and didn’t say a word. It all built up eventually and my parents didn’t really allow me to show my emotions so i could only show them when I was alone. it ate at me. I wasn’t being taken care of emotionally and when i did the first cut it was for them to physically see the cut and take care of me physically to make up for them not taking care of me emotionally or mentally, but they just saw it as attention seeking; the bad kind. This happened when my sister left for college when I was in 7th grade. I don’t really have a relationship with her either and she is 6 years older than me.
    But, after I started I kept going because it was pain I could control and I couldn’t control my mom and how she treated me. From 7th grade on it just got worse with my mom. My self esteem just went down the drain with her. No grade was good enough. Not even a 100 on a test. She always wanted more and never said it was good or that she was proud unless my dad told her to say it. She has said a lot of horrible things to me and behind my back thinking I would never hear her. This is just a taste of how my mother is a huge trigger for me and she always will be.

    There’s a lot more to this, but for now this is a start to explaining it and getting it out.

  6. shes_lost_it_all's Blog

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    shes_lost_it_all
    Latest Entry

    I cut myself for the first time yesterday. I used a pencil sharpener blade and cut myself two times on my upper left arm. The cuts were small but bled. It didn’t hurt though. I felt do excited!

    Then I cut myself again today. I used the same blade and cut 6 times on my left arm. It was bleeding. They were long and medium cuts. It hurt a bit more than the first time. After that I cut my friend’s name into my skin on my arm. JANELLE. It hurt so much. There was more blood. I love all of the blood and the stinging afterwards.

  7. that-alt-cat's Blog

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    hey whoever’s reading this, probs no one. oh well. i just need to vent and i feel so alone. i have no one to vent to. okay not true, i have one friend. who’s a guy. i’m a girl. so we can’t casually hang out because parents<. anywhoooo a week or two ago, i was two and a half months clean!!! it took so much effort to get that far, and i was really proud! but then i relapsed. i got in an accident with my boyfriend and fucked my life up totally. ruined my relationship with my parents, and i got dumped a week after. btw, he wrecked MY car. not his. and then he dumped me. wow great guy. but yeah he dumped me and i’ve been crazy for him for a very very long time so obviously i was devastated and i guess you could say that i’m still devastated. i suck. i have this thing where i constantly feel like i’m not good enough, no matter the situation. i just always feel like that and i feel extremely self conscious. i have generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety, so obviously i’m really anti social. life really just fucking sucks for me. four disorders including my amazingly awesome major depressive disorder, that are making me miserable. and school’s starting soon. fmll

  8. MIL's Blog

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    MIL
    Latest Entry

    I thought I stopped, I was almost heading for a year without hurting myself, and then things got bad, I felt out of control, I held the blade, and I felt I had to.
    The urge hasn’t gone away yet. I want to go deeper. Slower.
    I can’t help but wonder if this will ever go away.

  9. tamperwithcaution's Blog

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    tamperwithcaution
    Latest Entry

    I feel like a screw up. I’ve been so depressed and anxious all day. It was supposed to be a good day for my sister, but I couldn’t find time to really enjoy it passed all my self-loathing and thoughts of SI. I hate this. Then I feel like I made one of my close friends angry because I can’t make it to an event she invited me to. I know she’s mad. I’ve been withdrawn from everyone and she doesn’t get it. Why can’t I be normal? I hate this. Just a two more days and hopefully it’ll get better. I just have to keep it together for that long.

  10. OrdinaryGirl's Blog

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    OrdinaryGirl
    Latest Entry

    It’s been almost a month since the last time I self harmed. Im really proud of myself. It feels like my depression hasn’t gotten any better, but I’m fighting one battle at a time. I only ever talk to my one friend about these problems because I only trust her. She gets frustrated with me, which I totally understand, but she gets upset because I get stuck on the bad things in my life. I don’t mean to dwell, but she thinks that I like being upset. I would give anything to go back to being the person I was before I became depressed. I wish she could understand that. Hopefully I’ll be able to see a therapist soon and get myself sorted out. I was so frustrated with my friend that I posted on here. Im so glad I found this website.

  11. scobb08's Blog

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    scobb08
    Latest Entry

    Good Morning,

    My name is Stephanie. I new to this site. I have decided to try something different to get the help I need. I have been a cutter for 10 years. I have been almost 2 months without a cut, scratch or burn. My life just like everyones else is rough. I am learning to deal with things differently. I am having a hard time not cutting. Last night I had a terrible day and decided to start cutting again. I mean its always been an on and off thing for years, but now that I have gotten older I am embarrassed about the scars I have left on my body. I don’t want to be a cutter but I am. I need help finding other ways to cope with my problems so I can successfully stop cutting. I have been in therapy but apparently that didn’t work. I have been hospitalized and did a partial inpatient program to get help with my problems but that didn’t help either. I have lost all hope!!! Any ideas? 

  12. ShaunaWho'sGivenUp's Blog

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    ShaunaWho'sGivenUp
    Latest Entry

    Hi. My names shauna. I wrote this out before but the page friggen crashed so little me isnt in the best of moods now.

    First off- I’ve been cutting for three years ish, didnt note the exact date I picked up the blade.

    My parents know everything except how long I’ve been doing it.

    I’ve recently been reffered to ‘CAMS’ at least I think thats how you spell it.

    I’m young, covered in scars and own a dozen blades.

    This isn’t right.

    I don’t know what else to write.

  13. kellyp's Blog

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    Experience of treatment to reduce self injury scars

  14. doghitscar's Blog

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    http://doghitscar.bandcamp.com/track/ammonia-and-orchids[/embed]

    it may not necessarily relate to self injury in particular but i want to share this recording of a demo i composed on a bad day.

    lyrics:

    oh the irony to be sick off of the medicine 
    im playing ding dong ditch with the gates of heaven 
    i never ever believed that angels existed 
    or at least i never ever expected them to carry bags under their eyes 
    or dirt under their finger nails 
    im playing bloody knuckles with with the walls you built around you 
    i will swing right to the bones to get to you

  15. shoutdee_'s Blog

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    shoutdee_
    Latest Entry

    Last night was one of the worst nights. I relapsed.. I thought my summer was gonna be great, but I guess not.

     

    That’s life, right?

  16. The Darkness in Light
    Latest Entry

    It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I’ve gone through every one of my blog entries, they all sound so hateful. So spiteful. Did I really feel like that? Did I really think like that? I cannot remember most of…well, anything. But I just sounded so distraught and full of hate, like it was me against the world.

    Now, I am no less distraught, possibly more so than now…but I am calmer. I say that comes from my resignation to this monotonous inescapable life style. I’ve given up, I’ll be a pharmacist like my parents want me to be. I’ll keep smiling. I’ll work out like my life depends on it…I’ll change to better suit the path that has been set infront of me, and I won’t complain. I’ve nothing to complain about. Not a single thing. Loving family, middle-class, pets, decent grades, technology. I do not deserve to complain. So I’ll shut up. I have to. 

  17. AiméeRousseau's Blog

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    AiméeRousseau
    Latest Entry

    Take your hands over your bumpy love body naked
    and remember the first time you touched someone
    with the sole purpose of learning all of them.
    Touch them because the light is pretty on them
    and the dust and the sunlight dance the way your heart did.
    Touch yourself with a purpose.

    Your body is the most beautiful void.
    Fathers and uncles are not claiming you knife anymore,
    are not your razor, now put the sharpness back.
    Lay your hands flat and feel the surface of scarred skin;
    I once touched a tree with charred limbs.
    The stumps were still breathing,
    but the tops were just ashy remains;
    I wonder what it’s like to come back from that,
    because sometimes I feel forest fires
    erupting from my wrists,
    and smoke signals sent out of the most beautiful things
    I’ve ever seen.

    Love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet,
    and brother arm-wrapping shoulders,
    and remember this is important.
    You are worth more than who you fuck.
    You are worth more that a waistline.
    You are worth more than beer bottles displayed like artifacts You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim
    in the shadows;
    more than a man’s wim or your father’s mistake.
    You are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4,
    you are no less valuable as a 32A than a 36C.
    Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood.
    You are a goddamned tree stump with leaves sprouting out.
     Reborn.

     

  18. fighting myself
    Latest Entry

    *************Warning triggering**************
    My x the one that had rapped me had called me three times today. Using I guess a disposable phone or something to make his number appear different. I didn’t stay on long but every time he called except the last call he was just breathing into the phone which is creepy to wake up to. The last one he said he misses me and wants me back that he won’t do it again. Then I asked who it was when he said his name I hung up. But every time it was just breathing I hung up and called the number back and always got some collection agency.
    All of that was triggering it recreated the memories of that weekend. Starting out fine but ending up a nightmare.
    Its like I can still feel the teeth marks he left on the inside of my lip when he bit it until my mouth started flooding with blood. With the metallic taste on my tongue as I started choking on the blood turning my head to the side. To try to spit out the blood but as I turned my head slightly to the side. But as I started to turn it he forced my face back to press his lips against mine. Kissing me hard and painfully biting my lip making more blood come out with my lip starting to swell. His hand going up my shirt with his nails cutting my skin trying to push him off of me. So I could breath and get the blood out of my mouth he just grabbed my wrist and held my arm down starting to cut off the circulation through out my arm. Finally taking his lips from my and moving his mouth to my neck as I coughed up blood. Staining the white bed sheets with the red metallic blood that almost looking black in the light of the tv. Biting my neck hard enough to leave a bruise but not hard enough to draw blood. His body holding my other arm down against hm trying to pull my arm out from underneath him. He just grabbed it and held it down biting my shoulder hard.

    Talking to him that short amount of time brought all of those memories flooding back. Those feelings of him touching me and holding me down still come in the darks of my slumber. Still waking up in cold sweats sometimes screaming with hot tears burning down my cheeks. Sitting straight up clutching my covers and trying to get my vision to adjust. With my finger on the call button before I realize I’m still alone in my room and it was just another dream. Shaken up so badly I’m trembling holding my knees to my chest as I tear rolling down my cheeks.

    I was glad when my ptsd was no longer came as often as it did before. But now its just starting all over again I was doing good for the last two months before all of this. Now its just starting all over again I want to cut so bad right now just thinking about it now. Trying not to but this struggle is really hard.

  19. Hate_1301's Blog

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    Hate_1301
    Latest Entry
    Ive waited for life to get better.. Nothing is happening. I need to be dead…I want help but none of you can save me. They have tried saving me. its not worth it. im not worth it. My time is now. Bye 
  20. NewToItAll's Blog

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    NewToItAll
    Latest Entry

    I don’t know exactly how to go about this. I’m so new to this world. I’m afraid to come off like a poser, and I don’t know quite what I’m looking for. I have a phenomenal girl friend who also self-injures, but I can’t really talk about it with her. I’m concerned, and slightly scared for her reactions. She blames herself for the reason I’ve started cutting, and she fails to listen to anything I have to say to the contrary. I just want her to be okay. I don’t know how this site works exactly, and I’m probably going to have to figure it all out, but we’ll see what happens…

     

  21. Shippo704's Blog

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    Shippo704
    Latest Entry

    Once upon a time, a story started. It wasn’t a fairy tale, but a tale none the less. Being as it was, the story began once upon a time ago. It begins with a little girl who we can call Lyz.

    Lyz was a normal child, happy family, two younger brothers, extremely bright, had everything going for her. She was shy in front of peers and adults, but could do pretty much anything she set her mind to. Everything, that is, except make friends.

    From the beginning, Lyz was marked as an outsider. Every stereotype attached to gifted kids was her, including the difficulty interacting with her peers. This inability to interact, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t stem from inherent social awkwardness but actually stems from how she thinks. Most people will think one way about a particular topic, while Lyz will either have a different point of view based on specific observations, or will make odd connections due to a higher average level of thinking, essentially putting her beyond her peers.

    Kids notice when someone is different, and when someone is different, it doesn’t usually matter why. Why someone is different changes with every hurtful sentence that the children will throw at the one person, and is warped with every bruise the one child receives. Lyz was tormented by peers from the beginning of Kindergarten until beyond the end of her time in elementary school. Grades 1-3, it hurt, she cried, and her mom would give her a hug and say that things will get better, that the other students were just jealous. She believed. Grades 4-5, words weren’t enough for the bullies, as Lyz had learned to ignore what they’d say to her. They decided that they needed to hurt her physically, if words weren’t having an effect. “Aren’t bullies supposed to ignore you when you don’t fight back? Doesn’t just taking it make them lose interest?” Not a chance. It just makes it worse. Her mom said that the bullying could possibly have lasted for so many years, and that the injuries were fake, unworthy of attention, or histrionics. Even a broken finger went untreated. Lyz began debating the worth of a life at that time, but never went farther. She just waited out her time. Grades 6-8, Lyz was lonely. She felt unloved and unwanted. Her parents said that they loved her, provided everything that she needed, but they would never listen when she tried to tell them anything that they didn’t want to hear. The bullies broke bags, put garbage in her desks, destroyed homework and property, stole from her, and tormented her. She had no help. A few times, just to feel human, she’d purposely fall on the ground and scrape her knees, blood being proof of her life. Sometimes, she did have to wonder if she really wanted to be alive at all. After ten years with them, she at least didn’t have to see them every day any more.

    High school changed things. Lyz made sure that she went to a school where she wouldn’t know anyone, to make a fresh start, and it worked. None of the students at this school had any reason to mock her or do anything but give a friendly wave, a hello, a passing nod. She was very thankful, but at the same time confused. What was happening to her wasn’t normal for her, and she didn’t know how to react.

    She still had a hard time making friends, and couldn’t deal with the stress that she felt. Lyz needed a way to help herself because there was no one else who could. Not her parents, and not any new friends that she had made. What if they changed their minds about being friends when they heard about her fears or her past? Lyz didn’t know what to do, and suddenly found a strong urge to bite herself. So she did. The harder she bit, the more relaxed she felt, and the calmness drained away the anxiety that she had previously felt.

    In ninth and tenth grades, she experimented with different ways to produce that calming effect, beginning with rocks and pop tabs, then bumping things, punching herself, hitting her head against a wall, and finally found what she liked best: cutting. It started by dragging the corner of a metal ruler across the back of her leg and progressed to other tools.

    Lyz found a reliable method of dealing with stress, until it wasn’t so reliable anymore. The one problem that Lyz had with her coping methods were that they needed to be done in private. The suicidal thoughts that had been steadily growing since she was a child turned into an urge, a plague that wouldn’t leave her thoughts. She very nearly succeeded in attempting on afternoon, but there happened to be a six year old nearby. She didn’t think she could bear the weight of him on her conscience before she died, so she took the rope off of her neck, and climbed back down from the treehouse.

    Since then, she’s just been saying one more week, one more month, wait until I get my driver’s license, until I finish high school, until the end of summer, etc.

    She’s been living, dealing with new things that come up in her life, more things that separate her from the norm. She is not straight, she is in a different degree stream than anyone she had classes with in high school, she has interests that are considered stupid by her friends, and she also has a secret that no one can ever learn.

    Over all this time, she has learned many lessons, some easy and some hard. The one thing that she has learned out of all of this is that life is hard. Everyone takes the challenge differently, and everyone has their own shortcuts to help them get to the finish line, wherever it may lie. Each and every person has a path, some just need to keep it secret, and almost all will walk alone.

  22. lexi_ricci's Blog

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    lexi_ricci
    Latest Entry

    The beginning of a story.

    A story to sad to be told.

    Not new, but still not old.

    Beginning of a chapter, in my book of life.

    This chapter will be over before you know it.

    Here is the plot: he enters your life…

    He blows you away, He tells you he will stay.

    Hugs and kisses. Smiles and laughs.

    Shared together till one day:

    it all falls apart..

    Not the end, but pretty close.

    A tragedy worse than any Shakespeare could invent.

    Will this ending be happy or filled in remorse?

    What is left to make me feel worse?

    My heart is filled to the top with pain.

    I hope it will rain to mix with my tears.

    The dark already hides my fears. 

  23. Wounded Angel's Blog

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            Even though I only started self harming 2 months ago it has rapidly taken over my life. I don’t talk to any of my friends about it because they wouldn’t understand and my parents don’t know either. I am afraid to tell my parents because I think they would send me to a hospital of a therapist and I hate both of those things. I hate the self harm, but it is an addiction and it does help in the moment but after the fact it is just one more reason for me to insecure. I feel so trapped inside my own head and I am always so alone. None of my friends understand me anymore, even the one who self harms as well. I have been doing more and more over the past few weeks so me and my friend have devised a challenge: A three week no self harm challenge. We are starting small with the time and our challenge starts tomorrow and ends on the 18th of April. I hope I can make it…
  24. 5:25 PM

    The last time I wrote in my journal I was saying that I wanted to cut and that I didn’t know how much longer that I would be able to hold back from giving in and doing it.  Well, when I closed my journal from writing that night, I did it.  I used a razor, and I cut pretty deep.  Not as deep as I would have liked to, but it was deep.  Anyway, it’s still in the healing process. (I WISH JIM, MY NEIGHBOR, WOULD SHUT UP! HE’S SO LOUD!) At dinner this evening, Megan, another resident here, had a really bad attitude.  She apologized and said she was moody because her back was hurting, but it seems like during EVERY meal time, she has an attitude.  I don’t know what is going on with her, and it’s really none of my buisiness, but I am getting really tired of her drama and her attitude.  It’s not just Megan though.  It seems to me as if everyone here is dramatic and paranoid. Not to mention self-centered.  It’s as if everyone here only cares about themselves.  

    As for me: I don’t like dinner time, and every minute after dinner until I go to sleep at night.  I get angry, hopeless, depressed, ANXIOUS, and let’s just say I feel like crap.  It seems like during the day, I am fine and I have my goals and things I want to do.  Then, in the evening, I am a completely different person.  I feel as if I am a nobody.  Like I don’t give a care in the world what happens in my life.  I just turn into this MONSTER of a person who doesn’t give a care about nothing or no one.  Not even myself.  It doesn’t seem as if people understand.  No one is me, nor, is anyone walking in my shoes, in my life.  If there were someone, then MAYBE that person would understand.  But, that won’t and can’t happen.  Therefore, no one will EVER understand.

    INEEDTOFEEL2275

  25. AsiaKelsey's Blog

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    AsiaKelsey
    Latest Entry

    It was a Wednesday…Wednesday March 12 2014.

    That was yesterday. I was up all night looking for ways to come out to my mother, to tell her I was self harming. I was in the school parking lot the next day about to be dropped of when I finally got the courage to tell her. I cried. She looked at me and I couldn’t meet her gaze. She wasn’t disappointed, she knew exactly how I felt, in fact she’s dealing with these feelings now, but she restricted herself, she didn’t cut anymore. My mother has seasonal depression and social anxiety. I have severe social anxiety and very low self esteem. My mom told me that it was OK to have these feelings. For once I actually felt normal. I felt as if I belonged and as if for once a person WASN’T judging me which was a new feeling for me. We went home and ate breakfast and watched movies. She took me to a therapist at 4:00pm, she was a nice lady, she made me open up to her immediately (you obviously know I had to take a relaxation pill before I went their or I wouldn’t have spoken to the lady at all) My mom doesn’t give me anymore sympathy then she used to and I’m glad that our relationship hasn’t changed, if anything it’s grown STRONGER i stopped cuttingThats my self harm coming out story, i hope your parents are as understanding as my mother. Anyone else have any stories about telling their parents how they felt? 

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    • twm
      Lexapro?
      And again, it doesn't really seem like it belongs in the forums because lots of people have been on Lexapro and it's entirely possible that even they wouldn't experience it the same way.  But anyway, stuff has generally been pretty good.  I felt it right from the start and it's a lot like I still have all the conversations and in my head, but they keep to themselves and don't bother each other any more.  And this was nice - it was a nice break from being myself, and it lets me focus on work and start getting stuff done for a change.  But this evening I did have to deal with the same old stressful shit - maybe the fundamental underlying problem - and right now it feels like one part of my brain is freaking out about it but the rest is just not listening, or couldn't be bothered to listen, or are busy thinking about other random stuff, or just don't care.  So I don't know... maybe it's important to pay attention to that part, but maybe it will eventually just go away and the problems that it worries about will never get solved.  But then again, maybe I'll stop caring.  So anyway, it feels okay, but I'm not really sure that it is right now.
    • creativitycuts
      Thinking About My Reflextion
      I often have similar issues with reality and get trapped inside my head. When I dream I can't tell if it's real or not and have many times confused the two. I wish you well.
    • Raven Black
      Thinking About My Reflextion
      The past can both strengthen and weaken people. I feel trapped within a hospital quite often, for such thoughts occur daily.I sometimes wonder if I'm still in the psychiatric ward, and I'll suddenly awaken, either in seclusion after having some form of episode or in my room on the hard, scratchy bed. I was never in seclusion during my remembered time there, but I know from my release papers that they had seclusion and restraints for dire situations. I certainly feel like I was released from there under the false pretense that I was well. It was over five years ago, but I'm definitely not better. I'm worse. My cuts are worse, my thoughts are worse, and I question my very existence. I hope you feel a bit better soon. 
    • SparrowHawke
      Saturday Night
      Just a few observations...   Lying to people abut how happy you are is not a helpful thing, even though it is often a natural reaction. Wearing the mask can feel like the easiest way to deal with things, but you may well find that confiding in someone just little could really help; people can often be more supportive than you think, and they may have been waiting for you to reach out to them just not knowing how to get things started.   Dealing with parents is a struggle for pretty much everyone! Try to remember that they genuinely want what's best for you, even if they drive you insane on occasion... Try not to take everything to heart, and avoid treating every comment as a criticism.   Eating right is *really* important - having a decent meal can sometimes mean the difference between staying level and entering a downward spiral. Starving yourself - which is effectively what you are describing - will NOT help your mood. It will fuck it right up! If you want to lose weight, eat decent, healthy meals, and try and do some exercise - even just getting to the gym for a few minutes is good, and going at it somethin fierce can be a good way to release some of those inner demons... Plus, exercise is obviously good long term for anxiety and depression, and somewhat perversely helps with overall energy levels.   If you are able, I would really suggest seeing a doctor and getting some anti-depressants prescribed. Try them for a couple of months, and keep a monitor on your mood.   Like I said, a few thoughts - take it or leave it, but try and chew it over.
    • Dea
      Need a friend
      I agree and I am here for u

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Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.

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