I’ve just come to the realization the father of my twins is not actually the father.. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. He has no clue and I’m scared to tell him. Its breaking my heart, on top of that I’m miscarrying and he also doesn’t know about that. I’m so scared to tell him and I feel so empty and horrible I can’t even explain my thought process. I’ve never felt guilty or heart broken.


Once upon a time in a land far away, there was a man. This man lived in a forest that had been forgotten by mankind. This forest was lush and beautiful, the man never understood why it had been forgotten.


Today I toattly forgot that I had a doctor’s appoinment and had to ask for a ride from my mom. No big deal..or so I thought.

When we were a little over half way there my mom ask me if I’m ok taking the bus back..this wouldn’t have been a big deal if she had said something before they came and got me. Since I thought they were taking me there and back I only put on a light hoodie and didn’t bring gloves or head phones… So I got to sit in the cold and wait on the bus..thankfully she gave me enough money to get home. 


                  Recently social anxiety has been getting to me. Alot. And it sucks like in school I seem to have alot of people that want to connect with me but my social anxiety is so bad that I literally cant speak breathe or move when someone tries to talk to me. Is this normal? Also we just moved to a new place that’s 300 miles away.And on top of it all I have this kid who contenually bullies me for the stupidest things.


Today I went with my mom step dad and sister to my step dad’s family thanksgiving, which was actually pretty nice ) . The only thing that bothered me was when my mom said she was proud of me, for a second I was mom didn’t tell me that often, then she kept talking..she was proud that I didn’t let my boyfriend’s descion to not spend thanksgiving with them stop me from going. It just really made me mad since you know I can make my own choices..


I opened up about my SI experiences to someone in an attempt to help someone else. It brought memories of my past habits (one of my biggest triggers). I really do want to help this person given the opportunity, but I don’t know how well I will do if I’m adding to my scars at the same time she is trying to stop. I’m currently three months clean and I’d like to stay that way. But helping this person is way more important. I don’t know what to do….


When I was 7, I was sexually abused by my neighbor. As you can imagine it was horrible and I always blamed myself.  I always thought, Why me? What did I do? Did I say something to him? Did I entice him? What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn’t have been someone else? Why did this happen? I have over the years convinced myself that it wasn’t my fault. Then I was being physically and verbally abused by my father, I started blaming myself again. Why is this happening? What did I do to make my dad hate me so? Did I say something? Did I do something?


I am now a few days clean from self harm. School is a major stressor for me, and I am not sure why. I’m trying to enjoy my Thanksgiving holiday, but what will happen after that? Life will happen. I am going to be a support for others during this time and I ask for support as well. Feeling afraid is not a bad thing. It is is just uncomfortable for me. I know I am not alone, though. 

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Latest Blog Comments

mmm…. i have a suggestion  try to wear an elastic bandage around your wrist and rub it very hard…..another idea is to draw red lines on your body that replaces blood  you can also reap paper to relaese tense! when the urge is tere try to write your thoughts in a diary it’s ηepful! ohhh! dont forget how far you ve...

I know where you are coming from… I’m 12 too I have a great family but it sucks, and I just scored a 97 on a depression test. I really don’t want my parents, or anyone for that matter, to pity me. I sucks because I also have anxiety. But my brother is the one who is overprotective of me, he tried to kill himself. I don’t...

i think you re so right! i agree and i have also noticed the slow  increase … i started with shallow scratches 2 years ago and now i get the razor and devide the skin on my thighs into tow until i see the soft pink flesh underneath….. i m worried that it’ll leave deep scars that i will no longer be able to hide…Today i m...

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m not at the point where I feel recovery is in reach but I’m also not at the point where I self-harm in very serious ways, along with the self-hate, most extremes have been mellowed out of me.

Good luck to you. :)

Stephanie, I’m so glad to hear the ECT has been helpful.  hearts.png