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    MADtv; Season 5, Episode 5: Pretty White Kids With Problems II

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    • Voiceover: Previously on the WB’s new hit show.

      (Cuts to scene in the hallway)

      Britney: I found a whole bunch of these razor blades, you should really throw these out or someone might think your a, a cutter.

      Destiny: Yeah…. right…

      (Cuts to another scene in the hallway with Chase slamming Tad into one of the lockers)

      Chase: Hey your Tad the new guy aren’t ya? Hey i better not catch you looking at my girlfriend capassa(sp?).

      Tad: Don’t you mean comprende(sp?)?

      (Cuts to another scene in the hallway with Tad trying to kiss Destiny )

      Destiny: I.. i… i… i can’t kiss you Tad i can’t, i can’t (runs off).

      Tad: Hey!

      (Cuts to opening credits)

      Lisa Loeb (voice only): (Singing) Pretty, pretty, pretty white kids with problems. They’re pretty and they’ve got problems too. Pretty white kids, pretty white kids with problems kids that are much prettier than you. Cause its hard, being pretty and white, pretty, pretty kids. Pretty, pretty, pretty white kids with problems and they’ve all got problems too….

      (Fades into scene in the hallway with Destiny at her locker)

      Destiny: Oh hey Mr Zippin, is this weeks test gonna be multiple choice?

      Mr Zippin: Well actually its gonna be-

      Chase: Stay away from my girl! (Slams Mr Zippin into the ground).

      Lisa Loeb (voice only): (Singing) Pretty white kids…..

      (Fades into scene with Tad and Nolan in the changing rooms)

      Nolan: Hey, i’m Nolan the rich kid with the porshe. Y’know the one whos divorced parents give him expensive gifts instead of the hugs that he so desperately craves.

      Tad: Hi i’m Tad, i’m the new kid. Its good to have a friend cause fifteen can be a difficult age. (Looks at camera) And thats how old i am fifteen (turns around to reveal that hes going bald).

      Nolan: (Looks at camera) Me too.

      (Fades into scene in the hallway with Destiny at her locker)

      Chase: Hey Destiny, what are you doing with that razor blade?

      Destiny: Cutting… my split ends.. what do you want Chase?

      Chase: Are you seeing Tad behind my back?

      Destiny: No, your the only one you know that.

      Chase: Yeah well then whos that? (Points to picture of Tad with a heart around it in Destiny’s locker)

      Destiny: ….You..

      Chase: No its not.

      Destiny: No its you.

      Chase: Is not.

      Destiny: Its you!

      Chase: No its not.

      Destiny: No its you.

      Chase: No, thats not me.

      Destiny: I swear its you.

      Chase: No it isn’t.

      Destiny: I swear its you!

      Chase: Ok well then its a really bad picture of me. Remind me to get ya a new one. (Walks off down the hallway and sees a person on crutches in the corner reading) What are you looking at?! (Runs into the person and slams her into the lockers)

      Lisa Loeb (voice only): (Singing) Pretty white kids…..

      (Fades into scene with Chase in the hallway, and Britney comes up to talk to him)

      Britney: (Breathless) Hey, Chase, look what i found in Destiny’s locker (Holds up the picture of Tad).

      Chase: Oh yeah i saw this, its a real bad picture of me.

      Britney: No its not you Chase, thats Tad.

      Chase: What do you think i’m stupid? Don’t you think i know what i look like?

      Britney: No, look, look at the mirror (holds a small makeup mirror up to Chase’s face while he looks backwards and forwards between the picture and the mirror).

      Chase: Hey thats not me!

      Britney: Duh! See when Destiny’s not busy cutting herself, shes making eyes at Tad.

      (Chase runs off in a rage while Britney stands there happy with herself making strange noises)

      Britney: (Short of breath) I can’t breathe…

      Lisa Loeb (voice only): (Singing) Pretty white kids…..

      (Fades into scene in the hallway with Tad going to his locker, a sign on it reads: “Sta aweigh fromm hur or yur dad”)

      Tad: Stay away from her or your dad?

      (Chase comes up from behind)

      Chase: Or your dead!

      Tad: Well there are lot of mispellings.

      Chase: Yeah, well misspell this b-hole! (Holds up fist)

      Tad: (Laughs) I think you mean a-hole…

      (Chase gets fed up and starts walking off)

      Tad: …and nice back pack.

      (Chase runs back at Tad and slams him into the lockers)

      Voiceover: Pretty White Kids With Problems, if you don’t like it you’re probably not a pretty white kid.

    • Episode Title Pretty White Kids With Problems II
    • Season 5
    • Episode 5
    • Television Show Title MADTv
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  • Similar Content

    • melancholy rose
      By melancholy rose
      Announcer: And now in the Spirit of Dawson’s Creek , Felicity, Party of Five, Beverly Hills 90210, Safe Harbor, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Roswell, Popular, Manchester Prep, Jack & Jill, Mission Hill, Time of Your Life, Freaks & Geeks, Get Real and Wasteland
      Comes another totally original new WB nighttime teen drama, that’s already the #1 show in the county…..And it hasn’t even aired yet.
       
      Lisa Loeb (voice only):
      Pretty, pretty, pretty white kids with problems.
      They’re pretty and they’ve got problems too.
      Pretty white kids, pretty white kids with problems
      kids that are much prettier than you.
      Cause its hard, being pretty and white,
      pretty, pretty kids,
      Pretty, pretty, pretty white kids with problems
      and they’ve all got problems too ….
       
      *Scene opens in the school hall*
      Destiny: What are you doing in my locker?
      Britney: I was cleaning it, that’s what best friends are for ha ha, and look, I found a whole bunch of these razor blades, you should really throw these out or someone might think you’re a cutter
      Destiny: Yeah …..right
      Lisa (Voice only): Pretty White kids
      Tad: Hi I’m the new kid, hello I’m the new kid, it sure is great to be a freshman
      *Chase slams Tad into the lockers*
      Chase: Hey, you’re Tad the new guy aren’t cha?
      Tad: Yeah that’s right and I’m the same age as everyone else
      Chase: Hey I better not catch you looking at my girlfriend, caypassa
      Tad: Don’t you mean comprende?
      *Chase slams Tad into the lockers again*
      Chase: Oh! I get it, you’re one of those smart kids….a real Ben Stein
      Tad: That’s Einstein
      Chase: Boy you’re pissin’ me off guy, just stay away from her
      Tad: Stay away from who, huh?
      *Chase runs and slams into Tad once more*
       
      Lisa (Voice only): Pretty White kids
       
      Destiny: Great, that’s the last thing I wanted to see today, a blackhead
      Oh, sorry D.J. I didn’t mean you
        *fade to the next scene*  
       
      Nolan: Ms. Belcher
      Ms. Belcher: *stroking a picture of the Eiffle Tower* I was just thinking about you Nolan
      Nolan: Ah, look, my dad says if I fail French again this semester, he’s gonna take away my Porsche
      Ms. Belcher: Well we can’t have that can we
      Hey, I’ve got an idea
      How’s about….I give you a leg up on tomorrows test
      Nolan: Ms. Belcher, you’re not wearing any panties
      Ms. Belcher: I know…it’s an oral exam
        *Fade to the next scene*    
       
       
      Destiny: Oh hey, aren’t you Tad the new guy from LA?
       *Britney Pops up from nowhere* 
      Britney: Yeeah, he’s a real film buff just like me, we’ve got so much in common
      Destiny: Go wash the sweat stains out of my bra Geek!
      Britney: Right! Hahaha
      Tad: Fade in, Spielbergian morning light filters through the school hallway window
      Close on a young Tad gazing into the eyes of Destiny,
      Tad notices that Destiny’s Lips bear a striking resemblance to a young Kate Capshaw
      Destiny: Oh, Tad that, that’s very interesting but I can’t kiss you
       *Turn to the Camera* 
       Even though we are the same age
      Tad: That’s right we’re both 15
      Destiny: That’s right.
      But I can’t kiss you Tad, I…..I…..I I Can’t Kiss you Tad! I can’t! I can’t!
      Tad: What? Wha? Hey?
      Hey! You dropped your razor blades….
      ….Fade to black. Oh….sorry D.J.
      Announcer: Pretty White Kids With Problems
      Coming this Fall to the WB, if you don’t like it you’re probably not a pretty white kid.
      Sorry D.J.
       
      Tonight;’s soundtrack from the Promo of Pretty White Kids With Problems is available from Death Ear Records and includes selections from:
      Jewel, Paula Cole, Meredith Brooks, Sarah McLachlan, Melissa Etheridge, Natalie Imbruglia, Dixie Chicks, Tori Amos, Shawn Mullins, Ben Folds Five, Shawn Colvin, Beth Orton, Jennifer Paige, Duncan Sheik, Wild Orchid, Jewel oh, dammit I said that already, Annie Lennox, Bijou Phillips, Fiona Apple, Vonda Shepard, Elton John, Beck, Foghat and Lisa Loeb…
      Lisa Loeb: *singing*
      Pretty, pretty, pretty white kids with problems.
      They’re pretty and they’ve got problems too.
      Pretty white kids, pretty white kids with problems
      Kids that are much prettier than you.
      Pretty, pretty…and they’re white
      Really, pretty white kids, really pretty white kids
      Pretty, pretty and they’ve all got problems…some really big problems
      Cause its hard, being pretty and white,
      pretty, pretty kids, uck
      Pretty, pretty, pretty white kids with problems
      and they’ve all got problems too….
      *Fade out*

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