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Showing results for tags 'Stephen Chbosky'.

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  1. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.
  2. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.
  3. I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things we do now. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn’t.
  4. It’s like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you’re happy too.
  5. I can’t think again. Not ever again. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that.
  6. I know that I brought this all on myself. I know that I deserve this. I’d do anything not to be this way. I’d do anything to make it up to everyone. And to not have to see a psychiatrist, who explains to me about being ‘passive aggressive.’ And to not have to take the medicine he gives me, which is too expensive for my dad. And to not have to talk about bad memories with him. Or be nostalgic over bad things. I wish that God or my parents or Sam or my sister or someone would just tell me what’s wrong with me. Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense. To make this all go away. And disappear. I know that’s wrong because it’s my responsibility, and I know that things get worse before they get better because that’s what my psychiatrist says, but this is a worse that feels too big.
  7.   Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem and he called it ‘Chops’ because that was the name of his dog and that’s what it was all about and his teacher gave him an ‘a’ and a gold star and his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to all his aunts that was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo and he let them sing on the bus and his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair and his mother and father kissed alot and the little girl around the corner sent him a valentine signed with a row of x’s and he had to ask his father what the x’s meant and his father always tucked him in bed at night and was always there to do it Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem and he called it ‘autumn’ because that was the name of the season and that’s what it was all about and his teacher gave him an ‘a’ and asked him to write more clearly and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of the new paint and the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars and left them in the pews and sometimes they would burn holes that was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames and the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus and the kids told him why his mother and father kissed alot and his father never tucked him in bed at night and his father got mad when he cried for him to do it Once on a piece of paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem and he called it ‘Innocence: a question’ because that was the question about his girl and that’s what it was all about and his professor gave him an ‘a’ and a strange steady look and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed it to her that was the year Father Tracy died and he forgot how the end of the Apostle’s Creed went and he caught his sister making out on the back porch and his mother and father never kissed or even talked and the girl around the corner wore too much makeup that made him cough when he kissed her but he did anyway because that was the thing to do and at 3am he tucked himself into bed - his father snoring loudly that’s why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem and he called it ‘Absolutely Nothing’ because that’s what it was all about and he gave himself an ‘a’ and a slash on each damned wrist and he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn’t think he could reach the kitchen.

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