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    To bleed forever....


    • Truly, honestly? I’ve never told anyone this and after I write this I will never open my mouth on this subject again, but… No. I don’t. For me, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I deserve all of the hell that comes with cutting. I don’t want to stop. I would be perfectly content to cut whenever I wanted to, where ever on my body I wanted to. I dream of one day being able to go into a store and buy boxes of razors…. x-acto knifes, steak knives… Of being able to have broken glass to injure with… I would add all of them to my little white box of cutting implements… but the box would get bigger and bigger…. I’d have my choice of what would get the job done best, if I wanted to pattern, grid, do straight lines, or just gash through my skin… My arms are pulsing writing this, my veins are calling to me… It’s horrible, or so people tell me, that I cut, and I suppose even worse that I don’t want to stop. But I don’t, I just don’t.

    • Person [female, age 18, began to SI at age 14, college student]
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    Guest Emily

    Posted · Report

    I honestly know exactly how you feel. I want to so badly go into a store and buy boxes and boxes of razors and knives and shit. I thought that I was basically the only person who ever felt like this about themself. Everyday I think about taking a razor and just winding it around my arms and legs in one motion. Like one giant cut that spirals and covers my entire body. Every single day I wish I could do that. And it’s sad because I see nothing wrong with it, but I don’t do it becasue I would never be able to hide it.

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    Guest MeganD

    Posted · Report

    i know what you mean. i’m a recovering cutter and i want to cut so bad. but i can’t. i just can’t. my whole family knows about it because last august i tried to commit suicide and i went into the psych ward… they just kinda found out from there. I can’t go into a store without thinking about going to the isles with razor blades. i want to experiment with different sharp objects… like a little kid inside a candy shop in a morbid way, trying out this, sampling that… but it’s just not an option for me anymore

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    kittykatndew

    Posted · Report

    I still consider myself a recovering SI‘er. I try to explain it to my husband and he understands it to a point. There are still times That I am afraid that I will have a major relapse. I can say that the thoughts are always there when I am angry, sad, or upset. I so not handle alot of stress well. In 2008 I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. For many years I have suffered silently through years of abuse and the worse the abuse the worse the SI became. I have been hospitalized 4 times in a behavioral hospital over the years and lost custody battles for my children. I have overdosed 3x on prescription pills. I didn’t realize then that not only was I hurting myself I was also hurting my children in the process. It wasn’t healthy for them to see me at my worst, they are young and they know that something is wrong with me and nowdays my daughter still asks God to be with me and make me better because I am sick, she says (She is 11 now). I stopped SI‘ing because of my children because I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving them behind if I had accidentally cut too deep.

    Nowdays I have picked up several hobbies that allow me to express my emotions in many differnet ways. I have picked up dance classes, and I often draw how I feel at the moment. Sometimes my bright red scream is shown in my drawings. But Everyday my husband helps just by reminding me that I am a beautiful woman and a wonderful person to be around. With him I am accepted and not judged and that is something not even my own family can provide me. There is hope, you just have to believe that you can change if you really want it.

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Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.

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  • self-injury.net is a self-harm community and resource founded in 1999. Provides support, resources, and information on self-harm.
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    Draco Malfoy Draco Malfoy
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