Do I want to stop? No. But I wish I did. I wish I wanted to stop, in fact I wish I had never started. But I need it. And as nice as it would be to imagine a time when I wouldn’t need it, I know it’s not realistic. Nothing can replace it for me. It’s too much of who I am. I need it. Some days, it doesn’t even seem like a problem, it’s just what I do. Honestly, I hate to say it, but I really just want to embrace it, to stop feeling guilty and ashamed, to stop wishing I didn’t, to accept it. That’s what I want. I’m sorry (but I’m not).
Person genderqueer, age 19, began to SI at age 8, nanny