Learned to adapt
I dont know if I could. Its no longer an indulgence… but rather an instinct… a survival mechanism
What I have learned though… Is how to be safer. Its been years since i cut.
Instead i bite. and i pull hair and i bang (my wrist, my head) or i scratch…
My rule is that as long as i can’t leave lasting harm… Its ok. It doesn’t mean i don’t still crave my razor, but that I grew up and lost some of the impulsivity that went along with my self injury as a teenager. I don’t think its something I’ll ever stop entirely, and in all honesty… I think it would be very dangerous to me if I did. If i kicked the controlled manageable SIB then I would be risking an impulsive relapse which could result in far more risky SIB.
I don’t ever take shame in this part of myself though… Its no different than people that punch walls, or drink, or engage in any other behavior to deal with devastation… I am hurting no one but myself… and even then at a safe level.
Person [female, age 28, began to SI at age 13, student/ patient advocate]