Lots of pain
When I cut myself, yes I feel pain. Well, the first couple of cuts I do. Then the wound become numb. I carved FIRE into my side the other day and at first I was feeling pained, but then it goes away. Seriously, it's like my skin becomes putty and I feel nothing. I'm going to carve in WILD behind the FIRE, or get my girlfriend to do it. But, when she cuts me, it's different. It doesn't feel the same. It's more painful.
Also, blades don't all feel the same. I have some #4 scalpel blades and I don't like them. They're so........ precise. I prefer exacto knives or disposable razor blades. They feel differently. I like that pain better. It's almost this smooth, softer quality to it.
The pain feels like a sharp burning. There are two ways I can cut. I can do it slowly. I do that sometimes and I've never been able to do it too deeply. It feels like a sharp laser pinpoint of fire slowly making its way across my skin.
Or, I can put the blade on the area I want to cut, press down firmly, and then aggressively flick my wrist and cut. It goes a lot deeper this way, and the initial cut doesn't feel like anything, but then all the pain I would have felt comes at me BAM and I feel this WHOOSH in my head. I like that much better. It's for that that I'm an addict.
But there's this point of depth that, when I reach it, things become very different. My whole body twists and writhes and alarms in my head sound off and start telling me that something is seriously wrong. I have maybe 4 different cuts where, if I remember them, I STILL feel the pain. It's a phantom pain, because they're all completely healed. If I remember carving in any of the words, or any of the gashes into my body, I don't feel a thing, but for these particular 4, it's painful to think about. So that might be where the fear I described above stems from.
It's all painful and the pain doesn't get any better or subside at all. I just handle it better. Sort of like life, in that regard.