No Pain, till afterwards
I dont feel the physical pain while cutting. At the time my emotional pain is far too much to handle. I have learned to wait till I have calmed myself just a tad before I cut, because I dont feel the object cutting me so I dont fully know how deep im going. In the past Ive gone deep, bad scars, stitches. I dont want to kill myself, but one of the times I went deep I was very close. It was scary. So if I first scream my feelings out loud by myself a little I become some what self-aware of my actions then. And plus all my knifes and sharp items are put in random areas and not easy access. A while later though when someone stops by and I have to cover and clean myself up, I then feel embarassment. I feel the pain from the cutting usually the next day when its sore. When I am hitting myself I can somewhat feel pain, but usually I dont even know what I'm doing. Then later my head will hurt or have a knot and I wont know why, then I l just remember that I had been hitting myself.