By Lydia Marie.,
To be honest, when hurting myself, I don’t feel pain. I’m so distracted by all of the lies around me and all of the mistakes that I create that I barely even realize I’m doing it. It’s like an addiction that I can’t control. That feeling of grabbing the razor, the knife, the scissors, the lighter, the staples, it’s an amazing feeling. It’s a feeling of control. A feeling of control over your life. Knowing that you could simply, easily end your life, and no one would even know until a while later, it brings this feeling. It’s not a feeling of pleasure, nor is it the feeling of pain. It makes you feel strong, even though you’re weak and helpless. You know you’re not okay, everything around you is crumbling, including yourself, but you feel in control when you self-harm. You can’t explain what’s wrong when nothing’s right, so you continue to take it out on yourself. I don’t want to cut, I honestly don’t, it’s bad for me, and it doesn’t help the situation at all, but I don’t think of the consequences, and honestly, how am I supposed to stop when my scars and wounds are the only things keeping me sewn and put together?