[female, age 26, began to SI at around age 13, high school]
When I’m in a helpless, out-of-control state like I described before, I start feeling better the moment I decide to cut. It’s like, “Oh! Right!” And it gives me something to DO. Getting everything set up is part of my process. I go and get all of the things I need to cut and to hide it, and bring them to my room, and lock the door. I close the windows, and turn the music on low volume, so I can hear if anyone comes to the door and get rid of everything fast. I have my blade, bandages, toilet paper to clean the blood, and lately I’ve been using scar-minimizing disinfectant, because the scars are becoming a bit of a social problem. I cut, and then watch myself bleed for a while, making sure to mop up all the blood. When that cut stops bleeding, I cut again, and do the same. (Lather, rinse, repeat.) Then I bandage my cuts, destroy the evidence, and hope to God that no one finds out.
Person [female, age 26, began to SI at around age 13, high school]