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    Draco Malfoy

    [female, age 19, began to SI at age 16 at the latest, college student (full time)]


    • I ripped out huge chunks of my hair in front of my high school marching band during practice. They knew it was stress, but they thought I overreacted – they didn’t realize it was the only way to cope. I’ve burnt myself in front of a couple of friends, too. They thought nothing of it, as I’m slightly masochistic, but I wasn’t doing it for pleasure. I was stressed, and I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s day, so I just burnt myself. The only time I’ve come close to being ‘caught’ is when my mom saw one of my more recent burns the other day. She asked what it was, and I just jerked away and said I had no idea. Fortunately for me I was PMSing, and the whole family knew, so she didn’t press it any further. I’ve also hurt myself in front of a friend who also SIs.

    • Person [female, age 19, began to SI at age 16 at the latest, college student (full time)]
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    I had never really thought about what I had done, until stumbling across this just now.

    I was in a really bad way, out of it and desperate. I really just wanted everything to stop. I was histerical and my 2 friends, 1 I’m still extremely close too now… were there with me, trying to calm me down and get help for me but I panicked more so, especially when I heard the sirens of the police, ambulance and my counsellors voices and ended up overdosing in front of them on sleeping pills. I remember watching from outside of myself, one knocking them out of my hand as I had the bottle in my mouth but I had swallowed the magority of them. I had the police come in and search my room and the paramedics check me over and then I was taken to hospital and placed in a high security ward.

    I feel like I’m reading a scene from a book or movie script. I am usually a extremely private person and I don’t remember what was so different that day. I had totally forgotten about it, to be honest til tonight.

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    Guest Anonymous34567

    Posted · Report

    i cut in front of my boyfriend once.  he knew about my cutting, and one day i told him i was having really bad urges.  he said that if i wanted to cut i had to do it in front of him.  i don’t think he thought i would actually do it, but i did.  it was pretty deep, so afterwards i felt calm and numb, but he was so scared.  we drove straight to cvs and bandaged my injury.  i will never, ever forget that moment.  i haven’t self-injured in almost a year, but i still think about cutting every day.

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    angel.pouncer

    Posted · Report

    You do have a problem.

     Im not going to lie to you, or say something different then whats actually on my mind.

    You do have a problem. I Do. We All do that self-injure.

    I just dont have the guts to face myself and stop.

    i LIKE the feeling, as do many poeple

    BUT we do have a problem. and i need to be reaasured. your not alone

    I DO care.

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    Guest a Rapist

    Posted · Report

    I quit cutting around four months ago, but I was on skype talking to my best guy friend I have, who also cuts, and he pulled out his razor and started playing with it, I got out mine too and we cut together. I think I have issues, I actually enjoyed watching him! I did a cut last night, the entire length of my arm, and did a whole bunch of cuts across it so it looks like its been stitched lol. Its deep! We drink our blood, (convenient and tasty). You probably think I’m a troll, but I’m not. Ha.. I love cutting, I’ve missed it so much. The taste of my blood is like nothing else, I love it :D

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    I feel like I’m in a similar place in my life. Fresh out of high school. No job. One friend who really doesn’t understand about the whole SI thing. I’m still too afraid to cut deep even though I’ve been at it a while. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with cutting if you really need to. I mean, it should definitely be a last resort. Like if it’s cutting or throwing yourself off a bridge, then cutting really isn’t such a big deal. The only advice I can give is try to keep it shallow and try to ween yourself off it slowly. Trying to quit cold turkey usually doesn’t work with any manner of addiction.

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    I was never a cutter. Until recently I’ve been very depressed and stressed out. It’s become overwhelming. I have a boyfriend of one month, we were hanging out and I tried to pretend like everything was alright. We started drinking (I’m 22) and he drew me a bath. I asked to be alone. It was like I lost complete control over myself. I grabbed his razor and completely tore up my legs and arms. It didn’t hurt, I can barely recall how it felt. All i saw was blood and I became so upset I threw up. I blacked out shortly after. I have alot of regret. My legs and arms look terrible, my boyfriend was so great during the whole process. I A) hate self infliction…I cannot stand pain and B) am very private. It was like I was another person. I’ll never forget that moment either. I feel ashamed.

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    i have been going out with my boyfriend for three years now and ive only recently started cutting a while ago. about a year and a half. but im already addicted. I suffer from abuse with my mother whom i havent talked to since i was 13, im 18 now. she found me on myspace and messaged me telling me all this horrible stuff and bringing back memories ive tried so hard to forget. my boyfriend wasnt around at the time to comfort me and my dad and stepmom always think im overreacting. so i cut myself. and i have to admit while it hurt really bad it also felt good to feel pain on the outside and not on the inside. i usually cut on my upper thigh where it is hidden most but of course my boyfriend saw it and knew right away what i had done. i have been suicidal since i was really young and it becomes stronger as the years progress. cutting has been an outlet for me but i hate it so much. it makes my boyfriend sad. he doesnt understand because he didnt go through what i went through and blames himself for being a bad boyfriend. of coarse it isnt his fault but he always wants answers to questions i cant answer and whenever he sees a new cut i can see the disapointment in him he always says “i thought we were over this?” it makes me feel so bad. he doesnt mean it in a bad way, but whenever he sees a new cut he tries to talk to me about it and tell me life is worth living and all those stupid encouragement speeches. he just doesnt understand. and i dont blame him. i love him so much and cant stand to see his hurt when he sees that i have cut myself. but its the only way to deal with my stress and pain. if i dont cut then i will definitely become more suicidal than i already am. i wish there was some easy way to solve my problems, but im a people pleaser and in the end my parents will probably never know and i doubt i can afford to see someone for help. just last night i felt so horrible that i called the suicide helpline determined to talk to someone and as soon as i reached a human voice i hung up unable to speak the words out of my mouth that i need to say. not long ago tonight i emailed the sumaritans helpline and have yet to get an email back to comfort me in anyway. i guess some people will never recieve the comfort they yearn for

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    Guest Stainedfeet

    Posted · Report

    Once, for no real reason but a slight want for a mood-booster, I took out my blade and did three cuts of reasonable depth on my upper forearm, hiding my arms inside the desk drawer. No one noticed, which I’m thankful for.

    Then another recent time, I was feeling really down on myself; I hated myself, thought I was just an awful person. A couple things happened and my science teacher said that I was ‘smart but not that great as a person’. Needless to say, I sat down and used the roughly 90-degree edge of my phone and rubbed my upper thigh, where I’d cut deeply the night before. It worked well, until my friend who sat behind me asked me what I was doing. I didn’t have an answer for her, of course, so I simply shrugged and started scratching the cuts on my wrist. Less effective, but it got me through the lesson without fully crying, which is always good.

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    cottonangel32

    Posted · Report

    i have cut myself a few times in front of people. In me social studies class i sit right next to my boy friend and i felt ok with cutting with him. he always gives me sharp stuff to use. My two friends and my sience teacher saw me cut one day. I had been really upset that day because my principle had seen my cuts and called my parents. I had moved  my chair to were i thought no one could she and reached in my pocket for my razor. i did about 10 cuts on my arms. my friends then came up behind me and asked wheat i was doing. i hid  my arm  and told them nothing. then after class my teach asked me about the cuts. i just ran out of the class.

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    Guest hoped for something more from it

    Posted · Report

    i have never done it directly in front of someone, but i carry a sharpener blade in my back pocket just in case i need it at school or where ever. i was caught once, a year ago, but my mom just made fun of me, like it was a joke. she thinks i’ve stopped. i usuallyl do it in the crook of my elbow and i cover it up with sharpie marker drawings all over the top of them.

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    I hurt myself in front of someone but I have not been caught. I did it with a pencil during class on my thumb a few weeks ago, but no one noticed. I still don’t think I would ever do it again in class. But I was really sad then. 

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    It was a mixed bag when I got caught.

    For the first time in years I cut my arm. I was planning on just killing myself but couldn’t and it morphed into a single, small cut.

    He caught me taping it up. I didn’t want the gauze to slide when I went to bed because I was staying at his home for the night. He caught me taping it up and he just grabbed me and held me for a good 20 minutes before anything was said.

    For the entire night we just talked it out.

    But that night when I started to panic I grabbed at my arm and squeezed it. He assumed it was also self injury, and proceeded to scratch at his wrist to scare me into stopping. It was upsetting and scary, because it was almost like he was using it all against me. He then proceeded to tell me that he knew I cut to get his attention. I hadn’t. I just had no control at that point. I’ve never willingly showed anyone.

    I know he didn’t mean to offend me and he spent an entire night helping me make sense of everything and calm down. He’s extremely supportive and he won’t take it all away from me, I was happy I got caught for once, I learned I have some of the best support anyone could ask for.

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    This is a long reply, so don’t bother reading it if your not willing to read it. I self-injured in front of people. I wanted them to see my pain. I cut myself at soccer games whenever I messed up on the field. And my soccer coach noticed. He told my sisters boyfriend, who told everyone in my family and made my life a living hell. She’s one to judge, shes bulimic. They don’t understand how I can enjoy pain. It feels so good, so relieving. I want so bad to kill myself, but I can’t. not yet. My mom had already got me into therapy before my sister told my dad and brothers. I hate whenever anybody tries to talk to me about it. I hate them all so much. My moher sends me verbal abuse about 75% of the time. the other 25% she acts like her life is perfect. I was a mistake. I was an accident. I never should have been born. Recently, I threw my razors away, and regret it a lot. One time at a soccer game, I hated my self so much. I was so stupid, I was so ugly. I clenched my hand into a fist, and smashed it onto my wrist. My coach saw and I saw him talking to my other coach. Then, wordlessly, he came over and held my hand. I held it back, I needed someone to hold it. I made a tatoo on my wrists with Sharpie like this: - - - - >B Scissors cutting across a line. People saw it, not realising it meant suicide. I almost killed myself twice. I hate myself. I want to control my body. I want to feel the relief again. So why am I to weak to drag a razor blade across my skin? Why am I so scared that if I relapse, I’ll fall into anoother black hole. I hid it for years, and then told my mother, and the stupid bitch that she is blamed it on my dad and used it as something to insult me and everyone else with. True, I got a therapist…Before he got fired. I told my friends. Now my life is a living hll and I want to die so bad.

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    PunchBuggy_Red

    Posted · Report

    On Purpose, Yes. My friend wanted me to, and I wanted to so I cut myself right in front as she watched. I guess she was just curious because she doesn’t, but she made me take care of my wounds after. Which is something I don’t do. I don’t look “emo”. I look like and I quote “a dirty hippy” so no one would notice me, mindlessly in the back giving myself eraser burns in class. People used to know, I feel like they still do, even though they don’t. I mean I injure my hips. My shirt slips up sometimes. They must see the burns. But people will tell themselves anything. 

     

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    Guest crimson(///_-)

    Posted · Report

    i had just finished and put my blade in a hollowed out book in my night stand when my sister walked in. she asked what it was and i said that it was from a letter opener that fell. she was only 6 so she believed me and ran out to go play. my mom walked in a few minutes later and saw blood on the carpet and i told her the same story, which she barely believed.

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    Guest Anonymous

    Posted · Report

    I’ve been struggling with this ever since college. I was probably one of the weird ones and started self mutilation when I was in college. I know people who have done it longer. I just never developed these feelings until I was emerging 20. I was caught using rubber bands by my roommate. I used to snap them to my wrists until I bruised. I was quite successful at it. My friend was worrying that it would become a problem and called my mom behind my back. As much as I hated her for it then, it saved my life. I went back to therapy. Finding the right therapist was extremely hard though. No one clicked with me. My mom kept calling what I did “pre-teen shit”. But she was just frightened I think. Frightened she might lose me. I did think of thoughts of ending my life. I tried when I was 20. I found a lake and tried drowning myself in it. Thank god my ex found me before it got worse. The last time I was caught was by my sisters. They caught me using an ice pack for my burn marks. I didn’t feel any pain as I did it, but the after math always sucked. They cried and begged me to stop. I’m not sure why, but that day gave me the strength to finally stop doing it. It took me 5 fucking years to try to stop. I’ve been clean since March. Not a year yet, but I am going to try harder this time. I am tired of feeling miserable and hating myself. There is a lot to like about me, I just think I haven’t fully believed that I’m a likeable person yet. But I finally found the right therapist. So, I think I’m on my way. I hope if anyone reads this, I hope you find strength too. I still get urges…I haven’t figured out how to put that away yet…but I’m sure one day I will. The one phrase that has gotten me through this is by Scarlett O Hara: Tomorrow is another day. Hope this post was of any help to anyone who’s in trouble.

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Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.

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  • self-injury.net
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  • self-injury.net is a self-harm community and resource founded in 1999. Provides support, resources, and information on self-harm.
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    Draco Malfoy Draco Malfoy
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