It was very selfish of me to do what I did and I whole heatedly regret putting him through and making him watch as I self mutilated.
Out of fear he would leave me every time he went out the door, or after silly arguments I would show him how hurt inside i was by cutting, stabbing or punching myself. The look in his eyes is something that will stay with me forever and I think what he witnessed will stay with him forever.
You may wonder why he didn't stop me but if you've ever been in those situations it's not as easy as it may seem.
I was crazy and would do and say crazy stuff, walk around the house with a 14 inch carving knife stabbing myself in the legs every once in a while and if he tried to come near me I would threaten him with it too, he couldn't leave out of fear I'd kill myself but he didn't want to stay to witness what I was doing.
What an awful person I am