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    the time i tried to tell my mom


    • I always thought I could talk openly with my mom, because that's what she always said. But one time I got tired of hiding my arms and started feeling guilty about not telling her. I had only been doing it for about two weeks and I was newly 13. My mom is usually a very calm person and I figured she'd be okay about it. So I mustered up my courage and took her into my room. I have a hard time talking one-on-one and holding eye contact so I just handed her a well-thought-out letter that i'd written. She read it then asked my why I did it. I completely panicked. She was my mom but I got so terrified of hurting her. So I said, which was primarily true at the time, that it was just because I wanted to see what it was like. She said "so, like an experiment?" and i just nodded. she then revealed to me that she had hidden scars on her stomach. I was shocked, because I'd seen her without a shirt many times and i'd never noticed. she told me she did it when she was 16 and it was a big mistake. I said i understood, and she asked to see. So i showed her my arms, which at the time only had maybe six cuts. she just nodded and said "well as long as it was just experimental". I had gained confidence so i said that i recalled that we were in a fight when i did it. She instantly looked panicked. Her eyes widened and she said "well that's something, that means you  had more than just experiment to do it, if that's the case we need to get you help asap, do we need to do that??" I have never shut off so quickly in my life i just started saying "no, no, no, no I'm fine really, I'm fine," and eventually she nodded and got up to leave, but before she left she said "you wont do it again, right??" and i just shook my head and she left. How panicked she looked when i told her that has always stayed with me. She's a strong woman but she has a lot to deal with, and ever since that moment when she looked more terrified than I've ever seen her. I just feel like it serves as a reminder to make sure i'm not a burden to her. That's why I don't tell her that i have done it again. and it's not experimental.

    • Person Female, Age 14, Began To SI At Age 13, High School Student
    •   Report For Self-Harmers Content


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    ScarsofFeelings

    Posted · Report

    I think it is good she would be willing to get you help, if you tell her, and that she understand and has been theough a similar time in her life. By what you posted, your Mom seems like a good person to tell when/if you're ready/want to get better.

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    thatsme

    Posted · Report

    yeah she is, I just don't want to worry her. You're probably right, she just has a lot going on and views me as "the good child" because there's three of us. the very last thing I every want to do is make her upset. I definitely think you're right though

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    Guest Jack's Mum...

    Posted · Report

    As a mum, you always worry. You worry about things you know, have no control of and even things you make up in your head.  We see it as our job to worry. As a mum of a self-harmer (13 year old youngest son) I feel sad that it is only recent that I can "be there for him". I try to understand.  Read material to help me and him cope.  It hurts to know he is self harming, of course it does, but I'm so glad he told me.  I hope you can find a way to talk again to your mum.  As I said, she'll be full of emotion but she will manage those emotions that's not for you to manage her emotions.  It means you have someone you can trust to talk to.  You can only be helped if you want to be helped. By reaching out, you are asking for help.  Explain to mum that it is a big deal to talk to her.  That you will extend this help to maybe a doctor or therapist but in your own time.  I love the distraction game of "54321" it is something you can play together.

    • Name 5 things you can see in the room with you.
    • Name 4 things you can feel (“chair on my back” or “feet on floor”)
    • Name 3 things you can hear right now (“fingers tapping on keyboard” or “tv”)
    • Name 2 things you can smell right now (or, 2 things you like the smell of)
    • Name 1 good thing about yourself. (Your mum can give loads of answers to this, even if you can't at the time)

    you can have them on cards in your bag, or a poster in the bathroom.  Use red pens on your skin or a drawing of your body part you self-harm on.  Change that red colour when you feel better to your favourite colour and write messages like "no more hurt".

    You don't have to do this alone. If you can't talk to mum, get a help phone number or forum to talk to professionals about it. Find your triggers by keeping a diary about events and how that made you feel. Once you know the trigger you can find a more permanent release.

    You are so special and precious and you don't deserve to feel this way.  The great thing is, just like an alcoholic, binge eater or other self harmers, you aren't alone and there are many success stories so you CAN succeed. Good luck darling, stay strong.

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