Before - During - After
Before: Mostly bad memories that are brought back up, and my mind dwells upon them until I can't take the feeling of emotional pain anymore. Or I just feel empty (dead inside) and I need to feel something.
During: I don't cut (I don't bleed at least), but use a sharp object to apply pressure on my arm until it leaves a mark that stays for a few hours. I feel relieved and euphoric for a bit, while I enjoy the sensation that I can't feel the emotional pain right then.
After: I feel guilty for hurting myself, and also self-hate for giving into that desire. But the marks go away, and I tend to forget about it after I sleep. And the cycle continues…
Person Wishing their friends would hurt them