[ Female, 16, began SI at 12, high school ]
Before it’s like a build up of fear, anger and a pain inside my chest like the way you feel when you cry about something agonising, but I don’t cry so it stays and will not go away. Eventually I know what I will do and I know how I will end up feeling. I try to forget because I know every other time how scared I was of myself, but each day I try and each day I want it more and more. I start creating scenarios in my head of getting glass and cutting so deep and screaming and crying.
During I’m not myself, I go to another place and all I see is blood and my had turns so cold as I hold the glass or blade.
After it hurts and I am careful and very aware that I know something everyone else doesn’t. I don’t know about anyone else but to me it happens at certain times of the year. It takes ages to build up, to that point where I can’t take anymore pain inside or craving and ages to drag myself out of that dark place.
Person [ Female, 16, began SI at 12, high school ]