[female, age 24, began to SI at age 16 1/2]
By Draco Malfoy,
Before: nagging thoughts about how I have to do it, I’m trash if I don’t. Self hate. Hating everyone and everything. Feeling raw and exposed to a world that is way too much for me to handle. Nervous, exhausted,angry, all at once. Suffocating.\nDuring: Nothing. Sometimes I’m happy, but mostly nothing. Since now I do feel the pain and can’t ignore it like before, I turn the TV on so that I’ll have something else to focus on. I feel like the body I’m hurting is nothing but a tool, nothing to do with me,and I “work” on it slowly and in a very cold manner.\nAfter: used to feel shame and fear, and some realization of what I had done. Not anymore,though. I tend to be a little depressed for a couple days, but I’m never sorry. I know it’s sick but I never regret doing it. I don’t feel like I was hurting myself really, because the body and me are different and almost apart.
Person [female, age 24, began to SI at age 16 1/2]