How do I feel before, during, and after?
When I can’t mange whatever is going on I know something is about to happen because I get this feeling of excitement and my heart beats faster.I go and gather up whatever I use and sit there and look at them and try to talk myself out of it. It doesn’t work and then I get more excited and pick up whatever and stare at it. The adreniline is pumping faster and I get so excited that I can’t contain myself.
When I see the blood starting to trickle I do it even more. The more blood the better for me.
When I’m finished it’s almost like a drug addict getting the drug into their veins and it’s a sense of release and relief. I clean up after then that’s when I regret what I’ve done.
Until the next time.