First of all i will begin by saying i have actually been self harming for years, but i had no idea i was doing it, because i didnt cut, i burnt. And untill just recently i had no idea there were other forms of self harm. Which is why i have only just started to stop.
Before i self harm i feel an uncontrolable feeling of being overwellmed with life. It usually takes me by suprise and i have an undenyable urge to self harm.
And in that moment i self harm - putting something metal to a lighter untill its red hot, then plunging it into my skin. As time goes on i can endure a longer burn - giving me a feeling of acheivment. But know i have started self harming for no reason. While i am burning my skin i feel a warm comfort.
After, i can enjoy the long proscess of the burn healing - the blister then scaring. People will often comment and say how did i get that? My answer is always similar… i burnt it while cooking. Some people will say oooo that looks painfull, this makes me feel brave and courages to have endured the burn.
I love the feeling of my secret. I wish i could say i regret the scars, but the comfort me. When ever i feel like self harming again i look at my scar and the urge is put aside - untill the scar fades into my skin and i no longer have the comfort.
Person female, age 17, began SI at age 15, high school student