Jump to content
  • Sign in to follow this  
    Followers 0
    Draco Malfoy

    [female, age 19, began to SI at age 16 at the latest, college student (full time)]


    • It’s been more difficult, mainly, because now the people I’ve told think I’m just openly masochistic. It’s really frustrating, because I don’t get any pleasure/sexual gratification from hurting MYSELF – that only comes when a close friend/romantic interest is the one hurting me, and only to a certain amount of pain.

    • Person [female, age 19, began to SI at age 16 at the latest, college student (full time)]
    •   Report For Self-Harmers Content
    Sign in to follow this  
    Followers 0


    User Feedback


    Truthfully, it goes both ways. It’s a nice form of accountability, but it gets really frustrating the way my family is contantly checking me and asking me how I’m doing. At my school, I’ve sort of become the poster child for SI, which is both awesome and has opened a lot of doors and educated many people, but obviously has many downfalls- I have lost friends because of it.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    AliceUnderWater

    Posted · Report

    i only told a few people that i trusted, and one of them told the school gossip, so i get ragged on all the time because of what i have to do to survive. it is hell. mum put me in counseling, so now i get checked on all the time, and if i accidentally drop a goblet or something (i rarely throw things) they check me and check my room to make sure i didnt take any of the glass. its not like im in a padded cell or anything. they just piss me off.

    the worst part of it all is the look on my best friends face when he found out….

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    I dont think my life has become more complicated, just just complicated in different areas, such as; friends, and trusting people to know the truth. These things didnt used to be an issue and nowm, obviously, they are.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    I totally agree with you, i’ve only told a few people i trust but even then i feel like a poser for sharing my big dark secret. the thing is, ive actually gotten worse since i’ve told people because of the guilt i feel in burdening them with my deep dark secret. at school all the teachers walk around me like they’re walking on broken glass, if i wag just one class the police are called and a full search is innitiated for me, even if i’m just smoking it up behind the gym with my friends. my entire house has been gone over by my mum and she’s hidden everything with a hint of an edge, the stupid thing is i can just go buy more razors to dissasemble if i’m desperate. but im proud now because i’ve been clean for a week, and i’m managing to hide my pain from those around me more easily, i just say i’m sick.

    my friends aren’t all that help, two of them have self harmed in their lives and with my best friend we just compare scars and complement each other on how good they look. its a sick connection we share.

    telling people was probably the worst thing i’ve done all year.

    speaking of cutting, there’s something i have to go do….

    Myvanwy

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Anonymous

    Posted · Report

    I dont know mixed feelings really.
    When i told my counsellor i felt better cause finally someone knew which really helped cause before i felt so alone and like i was going crazy.
    And now, well i still feel alone and crazy compared to everyone around me, but just sometimes i feel a little better knowing im not completley alone.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Anonymous

    Posted · Report

    It really depends on the person. I told my friend right after I started. She seems to be the one who didn’t judge at all. I guess it’s because she had told me her story just a few weeks before that. And, well, she helped me through a lot. I tell her everything because she doesn’t judge me and won’t tell anybody else. However, this past winter, at a retreat with my youth group and I told my d-group there (A group where girls and guys are separated and it’s also separated by age; each group has a college person in it also). And anyway, I told them, and my d-leader had to tell somebody…you know, all that legal stuff. And then, I quit after that retreat for the most part. When we were coming back from the youth trip, we met my parents at a gas station, and my daddy took only me in and asked me if I ever cut myself OUT LOUD in front of people. I was so freaking embarassed. Anyway, I was a little shocked at first, then shook my head yes. Then he told me that I either lied, had only done it once, or did it all the time. And before he finished I told him it was MORE than once. And anyway, my dad didn’t understand at all. I tried to explain it to him. He just doesn’t understand the addictive power it had over me. My older sister was shocked. My mother just kind of ignored it and does so now. All my friends have been extremely supportive of me. Some of them have self-injured, so they understand. Others haven’t, but they know someone who has. Or they don’t understand at all, but they still support me. I’ve only done so a few times since December.
    I haven’t lost any friends because I only trust a few people who won’t babble my life story to everyone. They also don’t judge me, which is extremely important because judging is one thing I can’t stand.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Anonymous

    Posted · Report

    i have some close friends who have used it against me and told people like my dance teacher and things when were talking about show costumes but then theres this one friend the truest kind of friend you can get …..shes making life more bearable….cause  i know i can tell her when iv cut and she double checks them n would flip if they were TOO deep as shes been there before….but i think its hard becuase shes goin thru her own problems to have mine on top of her is too much sometimes so i dont tell her and its EXTREAMLY hard for me to hide it from her =/ but i want her to get better first …..I <3 u V.M a true friend

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    Both, really. I’ve only ever told one person.

    Sometimes, I’m really glad I did, because i know she cares for me and supports me and wants me to overcome it. Yet at the same time, I wish i hadn’t cuz when i do cut, i feel like im letting her down.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Anonymous1

    Posted · Report

    I have been self-harming for about 2 years now and even though I have only started cutting in the past 2 months, the thoughts have always been there and because I’ve just seen myself deteriorate over time it’s so self-defeating and just makes me want to do it more because of the guilt. I was driving myself so crazy to the point that I didn’t think I could live with that much anguish in my brain, until I finally plucked up the courage (gradually, over time) to tell a youth worker. It’s only been 3 days since I actually revealed my secret, but I know this person would never let my secret get out which makes me feel a lot better, especially as they didn’t react how I expected them to (they were so calm and didn’t over-react at all). I will soon be talking to them again about them getting me in contact with some proper people to get me help which has made me feel less alone in the whole ordeal. Luckily my parents haven’t been informed so this really is the best possible outcome for me. Hopefully things won’t become too complicated!

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    BigTimeRushed

    Posted · Report

      Oh gosh, it’s so much worse for me. Honestly, my mom found out and it’s been a week since I cut, but reading through this site, God right now I wanna take anything and slice my arms. But I can’t. My mom took away sharp things from me (even though I still have a paper clip) and she checks my arm randomly. After I see a therapist (tomorrow), and I get “all better”, the first thing I’m gonna do is grab my favorite cutting buddy (my scissor) and give myself over a hundred slices, one for each time I wanted to cut. 

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    kittykatndew

    Posted · Report

    It definitely got harder for me. The reason being is I started cutiing later in life (late twenties, early thirties). My Cutting issues started innocently but I will say that it was because it was a way of dealing with the pain of the emotional and verbal abuse I was receiving from my son’s father. He would provoke me everytime to get angry and then humiliate me and tell me, “see you are emotionally out of control”. To make a long story short I lost custody of both of my kids and now can only see them on supervised visits and cannot be left alone with them. The courts here see it like this, If you are injuring yourself then you are considered a danger to your children as well. Losing custidy of my children just escalated the cutting problem and I attempted to take me life because everyone was using my emotional weaknesses that they had learned about from my therapy sessions (family sessions). The people in my family treated me like I was a freak, so I quit talking to them. I don’t need the drama, I have enough in my head to last a lifetime.

    Now I am married, still a newlywed, and my husband knows about my issue and has helped me deal witht he problem one day at a time. I owe my life to this man, he showed me that not everyone is cruel and sadistic and that I was misunderstood and taken advantage of. To this day I am 1 year free of SI. And that I am proud of.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Anonymous6757859

    Posted · Report

    I don’t understand how you tell other people about it?! The only person that knows of my scars is my boyfriend, and quite frnankly they would be hard to hide in bed / If I told anyone else theyd all pussyfoot around me and it would jsut be weird and if everyone else did know i still wouldnt want to display them which is the only thing i cant do without telling them. 

    So, by not telling anyone or telling everyone, it would not change anything a damned bit! except without telling them no one is gonna give me funny looks or whatever :) 

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Miranda C

    Posted · Report

    i told my friends, and i have another person who si’s, and they don’t really judge. my scars aren’t too bad but they were for a while. well, i just ignore them most of the time. 2 stories here. well, i was really bad, and since i told myself i would only do 1, i made the cut as deep as i could. well, the next day i had gym, and i forgot about it. i look up while we are stretching, arms up, and Q is just staring at me with this “Oh my god” look of shock and disbelief on his face. and then, i remember about the cut, and it had even broken open a little bit and was weeping blood. and then, i was sitting in english, minding my own business, and i notice something (can’t remember what) on my wrist, so i’m sort of staring, and then i just randomly get asked “do you cut” referring to the scars. so i said, no, i don’t. i had sex with a porcupine, then proceeded to evade questions and validate the procupine theory. and now i get ridiculed all the time. i just feel like “bitch, don’t you dar judge me. you don’t know me, or my shit. so stfu and go suck a duck”

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites
    Guest Elodie

    Posted · Report

    I reacently told a close friend and some days it’s harder because I know I’m letting him down every time I do it. Since I told him, I have always had someone there to listen when I need to talk and he has stoped me from cutting more than once. But I still do it and when I do I hate that he knows.

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    It has been surprisingly easier, to some degree.  But only at college.  At home, it seems as though nothing has changed because my mom doesn’t believe that I do it since I refused to “show me.” When I am away, where everyone who loves me knows, it’s like there is light on my secret and I can heal.  I can breathe.  I can rest.  I can grow.  At home, we pretend it never came up and mom makes jokes that go something like this: “[Insert something that sucks here] makes me want to slit my wrists.”  It’s a phrase she never used until I told her I needed help.  But if we pretend it hasn’t been a part of my life for the past seven years, then it hasn’t… right?  Hardly.  The atmosphere feels the same and that makes it so easy to slip back into SI when I’m home.  It takes me back to 7th grade every time.   

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites


    Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

    Guest
    You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
    Add a comment...

    ×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

    ×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

About Us

Welcome to self-injury.net. We are a support community for self-harmers and also provide information on self-harm, creative works, media lists, lists of resources (helplines, textlines, mental health apps, therapists, etc.), etc. We focus on self-injury but a number of other mental health issues are included.

General

  • self-injury.net
  • Founded
  • Description
  • self-injury.net is a self-harm community and resource founded in 1999. Provides support, resources, and information on self-harm.
  • Founder
    Draco Malfoy Draco Malfoy
×